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Every time he went out drinking with Longinus, Titus swore to himself it would be the last. And every time, he went back on his word, thinking it couldn't hurt. He'd lost count of how many cups they had had, or what exactly had been in them by the time they stumbled out of the final tavern and made the surprisingly sober joint decision to head to whichever of their domus was nearest, sleep the inebriation off and wake up in cosy sheets with a massive hangover the next day.

"...Anyway, this Pustula bloke was just sooo mean," Titus resumed the story he'd been trying to tell Longinus for the last ten minutes, "sooo strong, that he's got this-- this pot shard or whatever it was..." He held up a hand and closed it around an invisible piece of broken ceramics. "And he goes and fights the guards, the brothel guards, and he goes and stabs them! Like this!" 

To demonstrate exactly how it had gone down, Titus punched Longinus in the shoulder, making a 'whoosh' sound effect for good measure. It didn't even register for him when his friend staggered and almost lost his balance. They were utterly pissed, of course they were wobbly too.

@Sara

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Longinus couldn't remember where they were or what they had been talking about. Most of the evening had been spent well into their cups, talking about the same stories over and over again, drinking between every sordid detail. He stumbled a bit as he walked, but in his stupor felt particularly agile. To look at, they must have seemed an absolute state. Trying to walk in a straight line was proving a touch impossible and he slumped a little into Titus' shoulder as he spoke. "P-Pustula..." He said, to nobody in particular, wrinkling his nose at the image the name conjured. 

As he felt the punch on his shoulder, he stumbled dramatically and ended up face into a wall. The occupier of said wall (well...house) shouted out of the window: "Shut the fuck up the pair of yous!" But Longinus took a while before he righted himself, irritated the he should have fallen at all. 

Arching a drunken brow at his friend he grinned manically and slapped him with an open palm, hard, square in the mans back; "More l-like that, you mean?" He laughed garrulously at Titus as the occupier of the previous house threw something he feared was piss out of his window, narrowly missing the two drunken senators.

 

TAG: @Liv

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Why did Longinus decide now was the time to kiss a wall? Only he knew, but ignorance had no bearing on how funny it was, and Titus clutched his sides as he broke into a fit of hysterical laughter. He would have kept laughing for a while longer if it hadn't made his stomach lurch perilously all of a sudden. The tenant who was currently yelling at them to shut up would be even less pleased if that were to happen... but maybe he deserved it? He was the one who was shouting and waking up the neighbourhood!

"Fuck you! 'Course you can't sl-sleep when you're screaming like that, you cunt!" Titus slurred back at the angry man, having totally forgotten about Longinus and his house-smooching. The inattention cost him dearly as he was caught unawares by the hard slap to his back, making him lose his footing and stumble forward. Titus instinctively grabbed the closest thing at hand, which happened to be his friend's arm, and the two of them went down like a pile of rocks, just managing to (very ungracefully) avoid whatever the inhabitants were throwing at them.

Ow. He was not drunk enough to be immune to pain. To make matters worse, the world had started spinning much faster in only the blink of an eye. Slowly raising himself to a half-sitting, half-crouching position, Titus glared at Longinus, annoyed by the sudden volte-face to their situation. "N-no, not like that," he deadpanned before raising his fist and bringing it down to connect with Longinus' jaw.

"Like this."

@Sara

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Longinus landed with a thud on the street, but let out a garrulous, echoing laugh which only led to more swearing and clattering from the insula upstairs. He tried to move to sit and managed to drag himself half-up before he was summarily knocked down into the dust again by the hard, painful thwack on his jaw from Titus' fist. The familiar taste of metallic blood filled his mouth from a split lip, and spluttering in his drunken state from pain and from shock, he spat it onto the street next to him. 

"T-Tosser!" He yelled, and before he could stop himself, aimed his own punch which - despite his utter, utter drunkness - connected squarely with his friends nose. Bringing his hands to his jaw he winced in an exaggerated way, kicking Titus in the leg for good measure. "Th...that...B-bloody hurt you arsehole!" 

Evidently fed up with the yelling, the owner of the apartment without hesitation dumped a bucket of liquid squarely down onto the two prone senators. Which, after a reluctant sniff, Longinus was pleased to find was just water. Evidently he'd used the piss in his first attempt. 

 

@Liv

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Titus chuckled maliciously as Longinus went down a second time, happy with his successful demonstration of Pustula's fighting prowess. However, the smugness he felt at having landed a blow on his friend was short-lived as he was too sluggish to dodge a well-aimed punch to his nose, which promptly started dripping blood at a rate that rivalled the Tiber during heavy rains. It got into his mouth and filled it with its acrid iron flavour, making him spit it out with a grimace and wipe at his lips childishly. He was only just done righting himself when a strong kick to his leg followed, and he groaned in pain as his hand automatically went to check the newly abused spot. There would probably be a mark in the morning. "That hurt too, you twat!"

He was ready and set to exact revenge when liquid punishment rained down on them from above, drenching them both to the bone. Definitely the cunt who'd just been screaming. Mimicking Longinus, Titus sniffed his sodden sleeve to make sure it was only water. Between the blows and the liquid, he was now much more sober than he had intended to, and quite frustrated at that. He was of two minds for an instant: beat down the arsehole's door and demand he come out and face them like a man, or take out his sudden vexation on the nearest available target.

The path of least resistance won out and he elbowed Longinus square in the stomach, hoping to knock the wind out of the man without being treated to a drunk's secret weapon of projectile vomiting. "If you hadn't-- hadn't been shouting like that..." he paused to spit out yet some more blood, "we wouldn't be all f-fucking wet like this!"

@Sara

Edited by Liv
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Longinus choked and spluttered a cough as the elbow made contact with his stomach. Bile rose in his throat but he managed to swallow it back down before he vomited all over the street. It took several moments before he managed to get his breath back, and he coughed, winded, as he retorted to Titus slurring his words; "You...youuu called him a c-cunt!" He broke into another fit of coughing before he could elaborate that it was most definitely Titus' fault. 

In irritation, and with surprising grace, he managed to push himself up to kneeling on all fours before landing a very un-heroic backhanded slap squarely across his friends face. He didn't feel like he had the co-ordination to land a particularly effective punch. Nonetheless, he tried and groaned in pain as his knuckles missed its intended target (Titus' eye) and collided with force onto the cobbles. "Oowwwwww!" He slumped down on his back again, "Y-you prick!" He kicked his friend again.

 

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"'Cause he is! And... and he st-started it!" He was astounded as he looked at Longinus, blood dripping down his chin and eyes struggling to focus on his friend. "Why the... the fuck're you defending h-him? You b-best mates now?!" Fortunately Longinus seemed to be holding his own at reigning in the contents of his stomach; maybe the involuntary bath had sobered him up a bit too.

Titus was about to scuttle away on all fours as best as his uncoordinated limbs could to get out of both firing ranges (Longinus' and the man's) when his plan was cut short by a slap to the face. It smarted, but he could only give Longinus a dazed, open-mouthed stare for a few seconds before bursting into laughter. "Y-you hit like-- like a girl!" he slurred out between hysterical fits, having somehow managed to sit kneeling without tumbling forward. "My daugh... daughter could d-do better!" He howled even louder when Longinus missed his face and instead punched the ground. He might have just broken a knuckle or two, maybe.

Yet another kick had him doubling over, but between moans and groans the laughter still didn't abate, and Titus was now alternating between gasping for breath and spraying the air in front of him with blood. Clattering sounded from above them and an instant later something whizzed through the air right beside Titus, cracking sharply as it hit the ground and sending shards flying all over the two men. The unhappy tenant had willingly parted with some sort of pottery in hopes of knocking out one or both senators, but aiming in the dark was difficult even for a soldier.

In drunken curiosity Titus picked up a shard and immediately roared anew with laughter. "P-pustula lives!" he proclaimed for the entire street to hear.

@Sara

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Longinus only glared at his friend, cupping his wounded hand, skinned and bleeding to his chest. "You t-take a hit l-like a girl!" He retorted and then groaned loudly in pain as he tried to flex his fingers and found the bone on his second knuckle not cooperating. Had he been sober, he'd have realised it was broken but as it was, he just moaned in pain every time he forgot about the injury and tried to extend his fingers. 

At the clattering sound of pottery smashing against the ground, and the spray of shard across his body he blinked, utterly confused. He couldn't remember who on the Gods earth Pustula was either and frowned at Titus, managing to pull himself to sit, saying exasperated: "Wh...why d'you throw a bloody vase at me? I-Idiot." From his seated position he dusted off the smaller shards from his tunica, discarding the larger pieces onto Titus - next to him. 

"W-we should go h-home." He nodded with authority he didn't have at that time and squinted around, "W-where a-are we?" 

 

TAG: @Liv

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The sudden pelting of broken pottery pieces had him glowering at Longinus. What a dunce. Did he not see that thanks to this multitude of pot shards, they too were now sufficiently armed to fight and defeat brothel guards should they encounter them - and, for good measure, the tosser upstairs who wouldn't stop literally tossing things at them? "It wasn't me, iiiidiot!" Where was he supposed to have pulled out the vase from? His arse? 

"Oh yeah?" Titus taunted defiantly, waving his shard with precarious dexterity in front of his friend. "Well yooou moan like a g-girl!" Had he been a little less drunk, he would have realised that said moans were of pain and suggested they moved to a spot with better lighting to assess the damage, but despite the watery sobering up, it would be many hours before his level of intoxication decreased to that point.

Longinus, for once, had a good idea. They should indeed go home, get away from vase-throwing civilians. "Yeah," Titus agreed with a nod of his own that would have been grave if not for the bright red goatee he was sporting. He too looked around, trying to recognise their surroundings. "I think... I think we're somewhere be-between the temple of S-salus and the Porta Salu--salutaris..." He gingerly tried to stand up, groaning when the leg Longinus had repeatedly kicked quivered under his weight and whoie-hot pain shot down the nerve all the way to his toes. "Which means... means m-my place isn't tooooo far away." He grabbed onto his friend's shoulder for purchase and pushed up against him, using him to rise as one would a stick.

"Le'sh go."

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Longinus scoffed, cradling his bleeding, battered hand and grinned with satisfaction as he retorted; "H-how would youuu k-know, yo-you probably," He hiccuped, "H-haven't made a girl moaaaan in years!" He grinned to himself until he flexed his fingers again and felt the familiar pain of a shattered knuckle or two. At least that pain was distracting him from the blood filling his mouth from the split lip and the ache in his jaw. 

Blinking around them at Titus' estimation of their location she just shrugged. They could have been in Naples for all he knew and for all that felt familiar. As he was leant on like a hobbling stick he collapsed back down into the dust before finally, and with great effort, dragging himself  to a wobbly stand. He slung an arm around Titus' shoulder and cradled the other to his chest as they stumbled and sauntered through the back streets of Rome. 

"I..." He hiccuped again, "I d-don't remember a p-punch hurting sooo much when I-I was in my twenties." He frowned to himself, when did they get so old?

 

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"Says the... the widower t-to a married man!" Titus countered with indignation, oblivious to how hurtful the remark could be. Under normal circumstances it would not have passed through his brain-mouth filter, but he was drunk, bleeding and in pain, and so minding his words scored very low on the to-do list. He had made his girl moan a lot over the years, very recently even, thank you very much!

He was unceremoniously dropped on the floor like a sack of flour, going down with Longinus because misery loved company and Longinus had to be feeling miserable between his spectacularly failed punch and the blows Titus had landed on him. On the second try he was able to stand up by himself, limping alongside his friend past more or less reputable back streets and alleys.

Titus shook his head in agreement. Longinus had been making a lot of sense tonight, except when he hadn't - like when he'd been punching and kicking Titus, for instance. "Me n-neither," he sighed dejectedly before spitting out some more blood on to the ground. It was beginning to congeal between his nose and upper lip, but tiny rivulets still managed to find their way into his mouth. "We're fucking oooooold now. Tha'ss why."

Despite his sorry state, he was still able to navigate the way back home, tugging on the arm Longinus had slung over his shoulder to signal a turn or to drag him on. He could've sworn the slave guarding his front door let out a giggle when he saw the two senators, but that could also have been Longinus suddenly finding something amusing. They were so close to the prize now that he could almost taste it - the comforting sturdiness of a cushioned reclining sofa...

... and suddenly he tripped over a pull toy horse and fell sprawling on the floor, bringing his friend down with him.

@Sara

 

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Longinus allowed himself to be dutifully dragged along by his friend as glazed eyes took in the sights and sounds of Rome after dark. As they drew to Titus' front door he giggled at the slave, standing stoic at the front door. He brought a finger to his lips with a slurred, "Shhhhhhhh" and then feeling a rush of pain across his hand, groaned.

"I...I h-hope," He hiccuped, "V-Valeria is okay with w-waking up to m-me," and again, "In your house." He grinned, imagining the woman's horror as he stumbled out - covered in blood and bruises to the familial breakfast of Valeria, Suplicia, Publius and Valeriana. 

As he was about to continue his imaginary musings but he fell to the ground with an unceremonious thud, landing on his arse. He flattened out to lie on his back and let out an uproarious laugh that echoed around the atrium. "Y...you idiot," He choked through laughter induced tears, breaking into hysterics again almost immediately. Being led on the floor like the drunken mess he was, he momentarily forgot the pain of his hand. "Wh...what's that song about the g-girl on her back?" He choked through laughter, their current situation prompting the memory in his mind. It had been a favourite amongst his men in the camps. "I-I wanna be a legion ranger, l-living a life of sex and danger...h-high flying, s-sixty ni-ning. " He frowned, trying to remember the rest - it was on the tip of his tongue! His garrulous singing drowned out the sound of footsteps from one of the room. When he had it, he grinned and hit Titus on the arm in triumph; "T-These are the girls that I love best, m-many times I’ve sucked their breasts. F-fuck her standing, fuck her lying," He hiccuped,  "I-if she had wings I’d fuck her flying..."

"W-what's happening?" Longinus snapped his head around to the sight of a member of the family, confused, looking at the pair of them.

 

TAG: @Liv

Ignore the anachronistic lyrics in that song, it's the only dirty one I know...and feel free to decide who gets to discover them!

Edited by Sara
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If the sound of the two of them crashing hard against the floor had failed to wake up the whole household, then the hysterical laughter and terribly off-key singing (if it could even be called that) would. Like Longinus, he'd landed flat on his arse, but immediately rolled to his side in fetal position, clutching the foot that had suffered the wrath of the toy horse and then groaning in pain when he belatedly realised it was the same leg Longinus had abused before. The gods were truly having their fun now, but so was he despite the blood and the painful spots that were blooming all over his body. "Dun worry, 's long as you're n-not in her bed or mine, sh-should be fine..." Titus managed to stammer out as he kicked the toy away with his good leg. There! Now the bloody thing couldn't claim any more victims until daybreak. 

"F-fuck her standing, fuck her lying, if sh-she had wings I'd fuck her flying!" he joined in at the top of his lungs, abruptly going quiet when a familiar voice somehow sounded amidst the dreadful singing.

He looked up to see his oldest daughter staring at them from a safe distance, a look of mild horror on her face and holding what appeared to be a medium-sized marble statuette. Titus was secretly proud that she had come armed and ready to break the thing on someone's head if needed for all of two seconds, before embarrassment took over and his cheeks flushed to imitate the colour of the badly-wiped off blood around his nose, mouth and chin. "I'ss nothing, go-- go back to bed," he said, trying to dismiss her with a very wobbly wave.

Even from a few feet away, he could see Sulpicia wasn't entirely convinced. "There's blood on you. On Uncle Longinus too. Should I wake Tranquillus?" 

"Nah, leave... leave h-him be." The last thing they needed was his overzealous body slave killing off what was left of the buzz... Unless Longinus required his services for something, like being shown to a bed. "Or d-did you want him for s-something, Uncle L-Longinuss?" The familiar treatment sent him into a new fit of laughter, and Titus failed to hear the sigh that escaped Sulpicia's lips as she put down the statuette and turned round, ready to go back to bed and leave the two men lying on the floor.

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If Titus was embarrassed, even through his drunken stupor, Longinus was moreso. He stared, eyes wide and mouth ajar at his friends eldest daughter and then promptly cracked his head back to the mosaic, trying to hide from her. Oh Gods, why did it have to be that song? He immediately reached out his good hand to punch Titus in the arm at the joke, the sound emanating even through his laughter. 

"Sh...Shut up y-you idiot." Cracking his eyes he glanced up to the retreating form of Sulpicia and yelled after her, "S-sulpicia I-I I'm sorry! Y-your father is a-a drunken f-fool!" But by  the time he had finished she had already departed from view with a dismissive wave of her hand. As if that wasn't news to her.

Leaning his head back he yawned, the silence in the house now making him drowsy - along with the pleasant warmth of the hypocaust fuelled underfloor heating. "C-chuck us a blanket will you?" He mumbled to his friend. The energy he'd have to expend to crawl to a spare bedroom and get himself to sleep in a bed, in his drunken mind, was completely not worth it when there was a perfectly serviceable floor to sleep on right here. If only the room would just stop spinning...just for a moment...

 

TAG: @Liv

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