O Ye, of Little Faith

[Atrice]

The poor woman seemed somewhat nervous and leaned closer towards him, when he wondered what the whole truth about her religion was – since she said she’d not told him everything. Clearly there was something she wanted to say though and now she said there was more to the story. Apparently her god had… sent his son to the Earth and said son had died for the human’s sins. His eyes widened, it seemed a bit crazy that the son of a god would appear on Earth just to die. The heroes of the Greek and Roman gods always lived. They had powers and strength beyond the ordinary. This god’s son… was different.

Aglaea explained about a sect called Christianity, that followed the teachings of this son of their god. And if they accepted him, they would be forgiven.

“That’s… something I never heard before.” Manius said. He’d not turn her in though, Judaism and Christianity, he supposed, wasn’t really illegal. It was only bad when they caused trouble because of their beliefs, but Aglaea was hardly a troublemaker.

“It almost sounds too easy… just believing and accepting your god’s son and all will be forgiven.” Easy, but also oddly comforting, that it could be like that. He doubted though, that it really was that easy. And what if you did not believe, then? “What happens to those who do not do these things?”

@Echo

[Echo]

Aglaea's expression was visibly relieved when he didn't make a move to call the guards or grab her to turn her in. After all, what could a little woman like herself do against a tall, strong man like him? He was very kind and she appreciated his discreetness. It was, perhaps, a little easier to tell this man than her own mistress about her beliefs, who, at best, would dismiss them as silly, or, at worst, would forbid her from visiting her synagogue. "Yes... our sect has to remain secretive for our own protection. We don't even have our own meeting spots - we meet in the synagogues of the Hebrews." 

Manius remarked that it seemed to easy and Aglaea nodded. "It sounds easy. Having faith is something we all struggle with, but we are forgiven if we ask it." And what a comfort that thought had been, on long, sleepless nights after she had seen Secundus, knowing that no matter how gravely she betrayed her mistress, she would be forgiven for it. Then Manius asked another difficult question: what happened if you didn't do the things she had told him. She hesitated, not wanting him to be turned off by it. "Well," she said slowly, "sinners who do not repent go to Hell. It's a bit like Hades - the sinners are punished for eternity instead of spending eternity with God and His son."

@Atrice

[Atrice]

She seemed oddly relieved when he, after she told her secret, just stayed there and continued talking. Well, it was nice to talk to someone different for once and someone who demanded nothing from him. Not that he didn't like people demanding things - he did, to be honest, because that meant he had something to do. It was honestly rare that he just sat down with someone, like now. Listening to her talk about her strange faith. She said their sect had to remain secret for their own protection and Manius nodded, "Keeping your secret is the least I can do." He replied to her, she had wanted nothing from him after helping him with the purse and maybe this would be his payment to her. She would be able to trust him and he would keep her secrets. 

He said her faith almost sounded easy and she said that everyone struggled with having faith, but they were still forgiven. It was really remarkable, he thought to himself. If any of it was true. With gods, that was a difficult thing. If there were so many different gods to believe in... were some of them wrong then? They couldn't all exist, could they? But that was too deep for this afternoon and he finished eating the cake he ate, after he asked what happened to those who had no faith, didn't believe and didn't try to not commit sins. 

Aglaea seemed hesitant, but then said sinners - which he thought must be a word for people who committed sins - they went to Hell, which was a bit like Hades. 

"There's always something, isn't there? Hades or Hell..." He said with a little sigh, casting his eyes up towards the sky for a moment, thinking that's where he would never go... to join the gods in the Elysian fields, "I wonder what the gods want me to do, sometimes. Sometimes... often... I fear I am nothing but a failure to them. Do you know that feeling?" 

@Echo

[Echo]

Aglaea smiled slightly as he said he would keep her secrets. He was a good man, she could tell - and she flattered herself if she considered herself a good judge of character. She was glad that he had dropped his coin purse and she had noticed it - it had given her an opportunity for a good conversation, and, perhaps, a new friend. "Thank you, Manius," she replied simply. 

His mood seemed to be more downcast now as she explained Hell, replying that there was always something. "I suppose there is," she said with a sigh. "But," she said slowly, "I think that God gave us free will so that it would mean more when we choose to walk with Him. Hell is only there for those who actively choose evil and reject God's teachings." 

Manius continued musing, wondering what the gods wanted him to do sometimes. He also felt like he was a failure to them and a sad expression filled Aglaea's face. Yes, she knew that feeling all too well. How often was it that she failed God? Hundreds of times a day, surely. And she was actively playing the adulteress with her mistress's husband, going against the doctrine of Judaism. But she took comfort in knowing that God would forgive her. "Yes, I know that feeling, Manius," she said, her tone quiet and pensive. "We all feel like failures sometimes. It is a terrible feeling."

@Atrice

[Atrice]

She thanked him for keeping her secret, but why should he spill it to anyone? Aglaea seemed like one of the rare, few, good people in Rome and he would not ruin things for her. They continued talking about her faith and she explained about something called Hell, which sounded a bit like Hades, because that’s where all those who did not follow God’s words went. And it was a place for punishment – not a nice place.

Aglaea agreed, but said that free will meant that you had the choice to walk with her god. Believe in him. And she said Hell was just for those who actively chose the opposite. Manius nodded quietly and fell into a pit again when he didn’t know what the gods would have him do… because he was nothing but a failure, after all. He didn’t need to go to Hell. He’d been there a few times already and all because of his own, wrong actions. He failed those he cared about. He didn’t deserve to walk with any god. He barely deserved Aglaea’s kindness.

She said she knew the feeling, to be a failure and said everyone felt it and it was terrible.

“The thing is… I don’t just feel like one.” Manius confessed, looking up at her, “I know I am one. It is my own fault that…” He looked down again, to the ground. He barely knew Aglaea, why did he tell her all these things? Because he had no one else? He sighed, “Every time there’s something good in my life… it is torn from me. I can’t hold onto it. To them. Because I fail them.”

@Echo

[Echo]

Aglaea watched him with a furrowed brow as he explained that he did not just feel like a failure. It seemed he had a lot of baggage, emotional trauma that hadn't been dealt with, and truth be told, she really didn't know what to say. She wasn't exactly a seasoned member of her faith -- the new one, anyway, which overlapped in some ways with her upbringing in the Jewish faith. What did you say to a man so defeated? It seemed like an insurmountable task, so she stayed silent for some time, thinking of what she could possibly say. 

Who could know God's plans? Why He did the things He did? Aglaea certainly didn't. She supposed knowing His plan would help her stomach the things wrong in her life. But how did she get through the day? By having faith that God had a good plan for her life. She bit her lip and glanced at him finally. "I can't pretend to know why these things have happened to you, Manius," she began. "But all I can say is that God has a plan for your life and that His ways are mysterious. I am sure that whatever happened... happened for a reason." She sighed and shook her head. "The world is cruel and difficult. There is no denying that. But what a comfort it is to know that our sins can be forgiven."

@Atrice

[Atrice]

He wasn’t sure if he understood her god – he sounded like a good god, but when she said that everything happened for a reason, Manius wasn’t sure what that reason was. To punish him? He got it – he understood it. That he should not take anything for granted, ever. Instead he should work hard to satisfy anyone near him and never let them down. And he tried hard to do that, actually, and still he failed them. Maybe Aglaea should not be talking to him either. Surely something bad would happen to her too, then. And she was too good for that.

 Manius didn’t know what to say to her. He was still not convinced that her way of seeing things aligned with his life at all.

 “You’re lucky… that you can find such comfort.” Manius commented and felt he was sounding gloomy again and sighed. He was bringing her mood down. She definitely did not deserve that, “I’m sorry that I am not the most cheerful person to talk to.”

@Echo

[Echo]

Aglaea saw the doubtful look on his face and frowned at her hands, wondering how best to rephrase what she had said. "'For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you...'" She looked hopefully up at him, wondering if her words would find their way into his heart. She hoped so. "God has not abandoned you. He wants you to have a good life, one that honors Him, so that you can return to Him in Heaven." 

He said that she was lucky to find such comfort and she nodded. "I am lucky. But you can find that comfort too. I believe that you will someday." She waved her hand at his apology. "Do not apologize. Sometimes it is better to talk of our trials than to keep them inside." 

@Atrice

[Atrice]

Manius still didn't know if he felt he could prosper in this life anymore. Aglaea was not so easy to break though, she said that she did not believe God - her god - had abandoned him and her god wanted him to have a good life to honor Him. That him being her god. But how could he do that, when he didn't know if her god was the real god? Should he give it a try? His own gods had never paid attention. Would her god do that? He listened to her when she agreed she was lucky and she thought he could find comfort someday. She didn't want him to apologize.

"I hope you are right, Aglaea... I do want to believe it. But I just don't know..." He trailed off, still feeling bad about talking to her at all, since everyone he befriended or cared about either disappeared or perished or eventually just turned their backs to him. As if he wasn't good enough for anyone. 

He ought to excuse himself and leave her be, but he wasn't sure how, since she had been so kind to him. It would be wrong if he was the one to tell her to go - or that he had to go. What good would that do her, or him? He didn't want to hurt her feelings. He didn't want any harm to come to her. Hopefully her god, if he was so good, would help with that too.

@Echo