Transformation

[Atrice]

Charis seemed very focused on their son, as soon as she got him back into her arms. It seemed very natural to her, motherhood… the way she handled Peregrinus, smiling at him, bringing him closer to her body because he needed that. He was hungry. Tertius wondered if she wanted privacy, he could not order her to stay and be watched, if she didn’t want to. Not in this situation. Not with their son present. He didn’t want her to feel uncomfortable. So he just had to ask. It took a few moments before she looked at him, seeming surprised about the question, but he smiled and she said nothing.

 Tertius assumed that meant she did not want him to leave, or else she would have said so, right? Tertius picked up his wine, oddly fascinated by the sight. Not that he had never seen women nurse their children like that before, but it was something else with Charis and their son. He saw how she gasped and winced when the boy latched on, but after that, it seemed more peaceful and she even smiled at Tertius… while speaking of how she thought it would be easier and she had always wanted to be a mother.

 “I’m sure it will come to you. You… make it seem very natural to you.” Tertius replied, thinking about her words. She said she always wanted to be a mother, yet she tried to kill herself and the baby many months ago. Hopefully she had moved on, truly. Hopefully it was not a ruse. It didn’t seem to be though… “I’m sure you will be a very good mother. I will do things better this time. I want it to be done right.” Better and more right than with Teutus, he hoped she understood that’s what he meant. Tertius was no 18 year-old anymore, who had accidentally made a slavegirl of the house pregnant. Not that this was planned, but he’d decided to welcome it anyway, “I want Peregrinus to be a happy child and I hope we can agree to both try and achieve that, together.”

@Sara

[Sara]

"I'm glad it looks so easy..." She managed a little laugh and moved the hand that was supporting her son to stroke the soft downy dark hair on his head. At his compliment and his affirmation that he would do things right, better this time she raised her eyes and met his for a heartbeat of a moment. "Thank you." She said quietly but firmly, as if acknowledging his desire to do things right. She hadn't expected this side to him. She knew he could be kind when it suited him - albeit kind in a way that made things more difficult for others - but she hadn't expected him to be so enamoured with his son, not in this way. Despite everything, and what he'd done, she felt gratitude swell in her chest. 

That feeling only intensified as she stated that he wanted them to work together, to make her son, their son's life happy. She nodded slowly, one hand still stroking the little boy's head. "Yes domine," She said with a nod and a soft smile, "I'd like that and I...thank you, for trusting me - with him." It hadn't been a certainty. After what she'd done and the breakdown that followed with her initial defiance and then the melancholy blankness that had persisted for months, she understood that there was a very real chance she'd have her son taken from her. That she was here, alive and well with a healthy baby  boy in her arms was really miraculous given everything. 

"And thank you, for allowing me more freedom...firstly with Cynane and then my friends," She said with a sly smile - as if teasing, "You are generous domine." Pregrinus has healed that cold spot in your heart, she added in her head. 

 

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[Atrice]

Tertius chuckled too, when she laughed, it was contagious. But things turned serious again when he told her that he wanted things to be done right this time. Charis looked up at him, their eyes met for a brief moment there while she thanked him. Tertius nodded, it was for Peregrinus’ sake though, but he was certain she understood that. Meanwhile the little boy in her arms, by her breast, just lay there suckling quietly and everything seemed so oddly… peaceful. He watched her stroke Peregrinus’ head, she loved her son, didn’t she? Although it was not only her son. It was his son too. He hoped she understood that.

 Silence fell briefly, before he also told her hoped they could work together to make Peregrinus’ life a happy one. Charis nodded, replying she’d like that and she thanked him for trusting her and trusting her to take care of her son. He had threatened with taking Peregrinus from her, in case she did not pull herself together during her breakdown. But she had done that. She had risen again, she had become someone he could talk to once more. Even spend peaceful time with, together with their son. Charis then thanked him for allowing her more freedom too and then she said he was generous, but there was a hint of a smile there.

 “Am I? Maybe I am…” He replied with a little smile, but then fell more serious again, “If you’re to take care of him – and you are – then I want you to be comfortable. If his mother is not, then how can he be? And I want him to be comfortable and happy.” Tertius added, “Know that while he is small and requires your attention… you can take breaks when you need to, for him. And if you need anything for him, just let me know.” Anything for this son of his, the first son he had who was not born to be a slave. Not after he announced Peregrinus’ freedom anyway. His son was free, would grow up as a free Roman and have the same rights as everyone else. This was good.

@Sara

[Sara]

Charis listened to him, drinking in every word. In the recesses of her mind she had become convinced that he would be taken, and her life would be over. To her the boys father state, not without pride, that she was his mother and and should be kept in comfort, well, it was like music to her ears. Gods, how had the bar fallen so low? 

"Thank you domine, I will." She nodded and held her son close as he nursed. It wasn't as awkward as she was expecting - this conversation, this evolution in their relationship. But she supposed it was early days yet and a lot could happen and a lot could change. "I suppose, I suppose when I am able to - the midwife said in six or so weeks - that I shall work in the gardens again? Of course if he wakes or needs me, I will be there, but I wish to be helpful as well as a mother." Because Charis knew herself, and as much as she loved her son, and as much as she enjoyed being wrapped in this delightful newborn bubble, there would come a time when she grew bored of simply caring for him. It was awful to say, but at least she recognised it in her own nature! 

 

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[Atrice]

How could he state anything else, but her being the mother of his son? He had no wife and no one else but Charis would take care of his son, at least while the boy was still small. He imagined that once he'd learned to walk and talk and understand things, it might be different, but a baby and a toddler should just be what they were. And their mother should care for them, like Charis would do it now. And how could his son be comfortable if she was not? She listened quietly while he spoke, telling her all that and that she could take breaks if Peregrinus required it. Sweet Charis thanked him and then went on wondering when she could work in the gardens again.

"If you wish to do your job in the gardens, that's fine. But while he's so young, Peregrinus should be your highest priority. I don't want to see him unattended and unhappy. He is my son and it is your responsibility to make sure he is satisfied, at least at this age." It was good to know though, that Charis wanted to be helpful, even while she was taking care of their child. She really had come back and changed into someone he felt he could work together with, after her breakdown in the spring and now after the childbirth too. This was not the same disobedient Charis that he took to bed, to prove he could control her and she had no power over him. This was someone he could... admire and enjoy spending time with. He picked up a few grapes to eat while thinking about all that, and watching her, nursing his son. This was so peaceful.

"We should do this more often." Tertius said with a small smile, almost in his own thoughts though. He looked at her. He was still her master, but... "What do you think?" 

@Sara

[Sara]

Charis listened dutifully to Tertius' instructions. She nodded quietly and glanced down at her son as she spoke; "Of course domine." She understood - both innately and from her masters words that Peregrinus was to be her number one priority. That suited her fine, she certainly felt like he was her priority but she also knew her own personality and knew she'd get restless without something else to occupy her days with when Peregrinus was sleeping or otherwise engaged as he got older, Gods willing. "I want him to be happy, but thank you." She offered him a gentle, youthful smile as she looked up at Tertius. For once it was genuine, "I won't let you down." She knew  the consequences if she did, after all.

She was distracted, enjoying the peace of the moment and the warmth of her son nestled into her side when Tertius spoke again. She glanced up to him, and wondered briefly how long he had been watching her for. She felt exposed, but resisted the urge to cover herself or turn from his gaze. She did, however, dutifully lower her eyes. that lesson from their first meeting where he had taken her chin and moved her gaze down had stuck with her through everything. "I would like hat dominus." She said with a soft smile as one hand tenderly stroked the soft hair on her son's head, "A proper little family." She said to nobody, without thinking. 

Oh Gods.

She hadn't meant that. Not in the way he'd likely take it - they'd never be a family because she was a slave and she had learnt over the years that he had very strong views about slaves thinking themselves above their stations. There was also the matter that she didn't want to be in a family with him. No matter how nice and affable he was being now, she knew just how cold and hard he could be. She'd never shake what he'd done to her from her memories. She swallowed the lump of panic in her throat. "I...I didn't mean that domine, I'm sorry. I know my place." She swallowed again and added the last sentence quietly as she kept her eyes on her son. 

 

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[Atrice]

Charis nodded when Tertius instructed her, that Peregrinus was her highest priority right now. She could do her garden work, if she wanted to, but if Peregrinus needed her, that’s where she needed to be. Right now everything seemed peaceful and Charis was so pretty and calm… but he didn’t know yet if he could trust her. This was a hope, that he could. If she could not fulfill her duty and keep his son happy and comfortable, it was still in his power to change Charis’ life again. To ensure his son’s happiness. But she said she wanted Peregrinus to be happy too and promised to not let him down.

 “I hope not.” Tertius said, his voice was soft enough but if she looked, she’d see that look in his eyes – she just promised she’d not let him down. Because she knew there’d be consequences, if she did. After that, there was a long moment of peace, where Charis nursed his son and Tertius just watched her. She didn’t seem too distracted by it and Tertius felt at peace for once, here in this moment, with her. He told her his thoughts and then she said she’d like that too. Calling them a proper little family. Well perhaps not a proper family, she was a slave, but the father of her child and her child were not slaves. But a family none the less. Before he could respond to that though, Charis took it back.

 “We are a kind of family though, are we not? Although you are not free and we are not married. It’s still just the three of us, right now.” Tertius replied. In his mind he toyed with the idea of freeing her and marrying her, but would she succumb to that? Could he trust her with freedom and marriage? It was a nice thought. He hadn't met any other women he'd like to call wife. With Charis, maybe. If Imperials and Emperors could do it, why not he? But first he needed to know if he could trust her at all. Tertius wasn’t known for freeing his slaves, but it happened with Teutus now and now he had another son.

 “There’s no knowing what the future holds.” Tertius then added, wondering how she’d react to such words.

@Sara

Edited January 19, 2021 by Atrice

[Sara]

TW: Miscarriage

Charis could have sworn her heart stopped for a moment as she waited for him to react. She usually knew when to hold her tongue and when to speak, but tiredness from the birth still pervaded and she had been distracted, dreaming wistfully for a moment of a life that she was supposed to lead - with a proper family.

When he did speak, it was not as she expected and she frowned a little to herself, before a warm smile of relief (although it might have just appeared one of happiness) fell over her face. "Yes," She admitted with a soft sigh, "A kind of a family. He'll grow up loved and in comfort, that's all I want." It was how it was supposed to have been with her first child, who had passed before they'd even drawn air. They had been supposed to grow up in love, and comforted, with a family. And all of that was in tatters. She swallowed the lump in her throat as she looked down at her son. He was her first born, but would always be her second child.

She equally didn't know how to take his next statement. Why was he so impossible to read! Even now! The fact that she didn't meet his eyes didn't help matters either, as she couldn't even glean his meaning from a look in his eye. "I...I suppose not." She said diplomatically as her small fingers stroked the downy hair on her sons head. "I don't think anybody can plan their life," She said, her voice soft as if recalling a dream, "The Gods have a way of changing and twisting your path before you've even trodden onto it." I never expected to be here, was an obvious example but it went unsaid. She knew he didn't like it when she recalled her past, a past that he wasn't included in. Maybe that's why he didn't like it? He couldn't control something he didn't know about, and that was exactly why, for her, those memories and day dreams were a comfort; they were entirely and utterly hers alone. 

"I have all I need for now." She said after a pregnant pause and glanced up just for a fraction of a moment. There were so many ways her words could be taken, she wondered which way he'd perceive them. She was being about as opaque as he was, how did he like it?

 

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[Atrice]

Her frown was so short he barely noticed it, instead she smiled happily and agreed that they were some kind of family and that Peregrinus would grow up with love and comfort. Tertius nodded, “Then we want the same for him. That’s a good start.” He replied with a warmer smile back to her and then he’d toyed with a quite different thought, that he didn’t know if he’d ever go through with, although emperors had done it before, so why not him? Although he didn’t know if Charis was wife-material… if she’d be a good, Roman wife. He doubted she would. She’d lived here a few years now, but she was probably still a Brit inside. But again, you never knew with the future, did you? Charis looked at Peregrinus, before she replied and spoke of how you could not plan your life, because the gods would change and twist it anyway.

 “That’s what they seem to enjoy doing.” Tertius said and Charis said she had all she needed, for now. He nodded again, had this thought of putting his hand over hers, just for a moment, but then he didn’t. It felt awkward, somehow. He hated awkwardness.

 “I suppose I do too… for now.” He added. Would he bed her again, once Peregrinus no longer required her to nurse him so often? She was still beautiful. Perhaps even more now that she was a mother. It suited her so well. But no, not yet. All his thoughts and ideas of her would have to wait. Maybe another time… if she continued to be so good.

 “I suppose I should get on with my duties for the day. And you can… go and rest with Peregrinus, if that’s what you need to do. I will summon you or come to you, if I want to see my son.” Tertius said and stood, leaving a moment there for her to reply to him, if she had anything more to say.

@Sara

[Sara]

Charis tried to shake off the trepidation that came with his "...for now." - what on earth did that mean? Gods she didn't want to dwell on it. She knew their relationship (or what was left of it) was even more complex than before thanks to the birth of their son. She didn't fear punishment for herself any longer, she knew that anything she did wrong now could also impact the relationship she had with her own child; the stakes were higher and life was ever more complicated. 

As he spoke and stood, Charis blinked up and nodded. Peregrinus wasn't finished nursing although judging by his slowed down movements she suspected he needed sleep soon anyway. Awkwardly, she stayed sitting (trying to manoeuvre the bundle at her breast and standing only nine days after the birth was not in her repertoire). "Yes...yes of course domine." She said with a nod, "I'll be in my room. Or...his room." She blinked. With a soft smile, she met his eyes just briefly; "And thank you...again, domine. It..." She swallowed, feeling emotional but refusing to cry (she knew he hated women crying as much as she hated being emotional before him!), "It is everything I dreamed." 

Well. Not everything...but it was enough...for now. 

 

TAG: @Atrice