Everything I Wanted

[Atrice]

Wulfric arched a brow too, when Charis did, as she claimed Tertius must like him, “Dinner means he likes me? I not sure. He did not seem… happy.” He explained to her and then also tried to tell her that he didn’t want anything from Tertius, he was simply here to meet his family and nothing else. He wasn’t going to stay in Rome forever, that wasn’t his plan anyway. He wanted to go home, maybe next spring, with many experiences and better Latin, so he could communicate better with the Romans at home. So he would be a good guard and diplomat to his king and also if too much death in the family meant he would be king someday.

 He tried to explain why he would not stay in Rome and she said she’d felt the same because she also wasn’t from here… but from somewhere colder and less busy, “I think I can tell, from the way you speak. Are you from other tribe in Germania? My tribe is Chatti.” He explained, he wasn’t sure she was from his part of the world though, but she did mention it was colder and less busy, so maybe? It was interesting that his brothers here also weren’t entirely Roman in their origin. Their father was Roman, but their mothers were not.

@Sara

[Sara]

Charis bit her tongue. She wanted to say; 'He never seems happy' but she managed to smother the words before she said them. Tertius was inherently infuriating, nobody could ever tell what was on his mind and what mood he'd be in when one spoke to him. It made him dangerous and disconcerting. She was relieve that Wulfric saw that. 

Charis shook her head when he asked where she was from. "No, I was born and lived in Britannia. I..." She frowned, "I don't know where it is in relation to Germania but I know it's north of Rome it took several weeks for me to get here." Painful, awful weeks that she tried to blot out of her mind whenever the thoughts risked encroaching. 

She smiled a little down at Peregrinus who squirmed on his stomach, reaching and rattling the toy that was deposited next to him. She reached a hand to softly stroke the downy brown hair on his head. She wasn't supposed to talk of her time in Britannia, she knew her dominus didn't like it and the longer she spent in Rome, the more she also didn't enjoy it. What was the point of remembering all of those happy times, when she knew she would never be able to go back to it? Tertius had been right, there was no sense in it. 

"The Chatti are free?" She glanced across to him, "Or are your people a province, ruled by Rome?" She studied him for a moment before looking back down at her son. "I don't know many things, I'm not learned like a lot of people in Rome..." 

 

TAG: @Atrice

[Atrice]

Charis didn’t appear Roman to him, there was an accent to her voice, the way she spoke the words, but he wasn’t sure if he knew it. That’s why he naturally wondered if she was also from Germania, just a different part. But Charis said she was born in Britannia, although she didn’t know exactly where it was. Just that it took weeks to reach Rome.

 “I think Britannia… also North of Germania? But not much? I have never been. This is first place I travel to. Maybe one day, I will see Britannia.” Wulfric mused, he didn’t mind travelling actually, it was interesting to see new places and meet new people. He thought he’d not mind doing it more, but right now, he had things to do in Rome and he kind of wanted to see his mother before travelling to other places. He wanted to tell her that he found his real father.

 Silence fell and they both watched Peregrinus play for a moment. She was sweet with her son, Wulfric thought. It must be odd having a child with a man who owned you, but he couldn’t really do much about it. He could admire her son though. His brother. Charis asked about the Chatti people then, wondering about its relation to Rome.

 “No, we are not ruled by Rome.” Wulfric said, kind of proudly, “Rome try invade Germania, many years ago. But we fought. Tribes fought together. And we won. My ancestors. You know name of Roman general who die there because we won?” Honestly it was his ancestor too, but it didn’t feel like it. Wulfric felt more Germanian than Roman… the general Varus, who died after the battle he heard about in stories, didn’t feel like it was his relation. Wulfric leaned closer to Charis, “His name was Varus.”

@Sara

[Sara]

"Maybe one day you will." She said with a tight, polite smile and added in her head; maybe one day you could take me. But she brushed the thought out of her mind as if she were brushing a crumb from her tunica. There was no need to think on it. The past few months, years now, had resolved her to the fact she might never see her homeland again. It stung her, wounded her deeply and she couldn't dwell on it. Why make herself more sad than she needed to be?

Charis listened with patience, although occasionally shot a concerned glance down at her son who was wriggling about at their feet - now occasionally reaching to grab the hem of her tunica and pull on it. 

"You...won?" She frowned deeply, shaking her head. A coy smile graced her lips and she looked round to check nobody else was listening. She didn't trust Wulfric, but she was beginning to relax a little. "Nobody has ever spoken of Rome losing...and..." As he continued she frowned, "The man who lost was related to Dominus...?" She couldn't help it. A little laugh left her lips, and before she could help it she was giggling, actually giggling! Like a girl without a care in the world! She tried to calm herself down; "I-I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm laughing..." She couldn't smother her smile though as she tried to settle her breath and quiet her laughter. 

 

TAG: @Atrice

[Atrice]

He knew of course that Charis couldn’t just travel as she pleased and he hoped that didn’t make her feel bad… that she was a slave and she was here and Wulfric came from far away and spoke of travelling more. He didn’t mean to make her feel bad or offend her, but on the other hand, you didn’t always choose your position in life or whom you met. It wasn’t his fault that he was a free man and she was not, after all. It just happened to be like that. Charis’ smile was tight, when she said that one day he might see Britannia. It did sound like an interesting place. Plus it was also interesting to see what the Romans had turned it into; see what Germania could have been, had it not been for Wulfric’s ancestors.

 He revealed to her that Rome had tried to invade Germania… and that they had failed, something his tribe and most German tribes were proud of. Charis seemed very surprised to hear that Rome lost. Of course nobody ever spoke of it; it was very likely that Rome was quite embarrassed by the same battle that Germania was so proud of. Of course no Romans spoke loudly of it. They wanted to appear as if they could conquer the world. And the part of the world they didn’t conquer… well, that was perhaps erased from their history.

 Charis began to giggle after he shared the name of the general, who led the Roman army. That was amusing to her? That her master was related to someone who lost a battle? Well he was glad he made her laugh, at least. Wulfric liked making people feel good. On the other hand, he suddenly realized, someone might hear.

 “You probably should not tell other slaves.” He said, “I do not think it make your Dominus happy. But… I am glad you are amuse.” Wulfric then added with a smile, unaware of just how embarrassed his father was about the family history. He just thought it might make Charis feel better and well, it seemed to do the trick, “Also… nobody ever speak of losing. Nobody like losing. But we like win.” He said, still smiling, thinking about it all, he had his own opinions after all and he knew how he’d like to do things, if he had any power to do it, “I think… land should be more… divided. Between peoples. Not one empire, have it all. I do not think it fair. What do you think?”

@Sara

[Sara]

Charis' giggles sounded throughout the garden, even as she attempted to smother her amusement. When was the last time she laughed like this? Not for a while, and it felt good, so good she couldn't quite settle herself until Wulfric began to speak again and she nodded vehemently. "I won't mention it, he wouldn't like it." She sobered at the thought, although her cheeks were still flushed from her laughter and her eyes still held a shine of amusement. 

"I..." She blinked at his question. Nobody had ever asked her that. She had grown up as the daughter of a blacksmith, unimportant and unremarkable and now lived her life as a slave. Her opinion had rarely been sought - even if she used to give it freely back when she was a free woman. "I...I don't think I should say." She finally managed after a moment. Swallowing the lump in her throat she continued, "I'm a slave." She shrugged, "It's not my place to talk about such things sir." She said it kindly, without malice but her words were still awkward. Nobody liked turning down conversation, but...she didn't want to put her foot in her mouth, and she didn't know this man. She didn't know what she should or shouldn't say. 

She was relieved of the tension by her son gurgling on the floor, trying to clasp at the hem of her tunica. She grinned down at him, hair falling in her face as she scooped  him up. How was he getting so heavy! She made a little noise of exertion as she sat him on her lap, her hands supporting his back. At just over five months he had grown so much she barely recognised him from the newborn she'd clasped to her chest those months before. He was giggling, the sweet sound that babies giggle that made her heart melt and swell. She was smiling down at him as he reached out to try and clasp Wulfric's tunic. "He likes you..." She managed into the silence, "You can..." Should she? She felt so awkward, "Hold him? If you want to, sir." 

 

TAG: @Atrice

[Atrice]

She was sweet when she laughed, Wulfric thought. When people were genuinely amused and happy about something, that’s when they were most sweet and even beautiful. He could see the charm his father must also have seen in this slave, when he took her to bed and fathered Wulfric’s baby brother. There was definitely something about her. When she finished laughing, she said she would not mention the bit of information he just shared, because her dominus would not like it. Wulfric nodded, “That is best, then.”

 Then he’d shared some thoughts about what he thought the world should be like, and how one empire should not just go ahead and conquer it all and it was better that it was divided. He mused a bit about that and naturally asked Charis what she thought. She seemed surprised at first, then said she shouldn’t talk about such things, because she was a slave. Wulfric looked at her, it was obvious she had an opinion about this matter, but she was not willing to share it. Was she afraid? Like Aglaea? It must be horrible to be a slave in Rome, Wulfric thought. Poor women.

 “Maybe another time. I am curious, now.” Wulfric then said with a diplomatic smile, he wouldn’t force her to tell him something she didn’t dare to speak about, but he was indeed still curious and he might ask her again some other time. She distracted herself by focusing on her son then, who tried to move about and grasped the hem of her tunica. Easily Charis then scooped him up and he giggled sweetly and reached out for Wulfric, then. Wulfric chuckled too, and then she asked if he would hold the little one.

 “I would like to.” Wulfric said and with ease took the boy over into his own lap, letting him rest his feet on Wulfric’s thighs and Peregrinus instantly began bouncing a bit, “Like that?” He said, grinning to Peregrinus, thinking about his own little nieces and nephews at home and he let the boy touch his face and grasp at his own tunica all he liked, “He is sweet. He like have fun. You like fun?” He asked the child then and leaned his face closer and Peregrinus grabbed him by the nose, “I think he do like it.” Wulfric said with Peregrinus’ hold on his nose, which made his voice sound funny and the baby giggled louder. Wulfric pulled away then and glanced at Charis, “You must be good mother… with happy child.”

@Sara

[Sara]

Charis didn't have time to reconsider her offer before Wulfric plucked up her squirming son and plopped him on his lap. Charis kept one hand hovering nervously just at the back of her son. The other slaves held him, as did Antonia and Tertius occasionally but she hadn't given him to a stranger before. Yet Peregrinus' giggles were a tonic for her and she gradually relaxed her stance, setting her hand back on her lap as Wulfric indulged him. "He likes mischief." Charis answered with a little smile of genuine pleasure. 

She laughed alongside her son at Wulfric's funny voice and smiled genuinely, but shook her head. "I don't know if I'm a good mother, I don't know anybody here with a baby..." Back at home many, if not most of her friends  were mothers and she had been on the verge of it herself before...well...before the Romans came. In Rome it was different, friends of her class were rarely happy with any pregnancies they endured given who most likely fathered their children. "But I love him," She said softly, "I didn't know I could love somebody as much as I love him. Besides when he refuses to sleep," She grinned at Wulfric, "Then maybe I don't love him so much." 

 

TAG: @Atrice

[Atrice]

He noticed how she held a hand on Peregrinus’ back, as if she would support him, as if she was unsure if Wulfric could handle it. But his one sister had two little ones already and he simply adored them both. A boy and a girl. So why should he not know how to handle his brother? He knew, she would be able to tell very soon anyway. Wulfric couldn’t help but play with the boy and he knew little kids loved exploring and feeling people, so he just let Peregrinus do as he pleased, even grabbing his nose, which both his brother and Charis enjoyed. She commented that he liked mischief and Wulfric chuckled, “Yes, I see.” He said and then he’d complimented her skills as a mother. Peregrinus seemed very happy, after all. 

Charis laughed too at Wulfric’s funny voice and then said she wasn’t sure if she was a good mother and Wulfric gave her a look, “Trust me… I know you are. Else he not so friendly, or happy.” Wulfric said and smiled, hoping she’d trust her own skills. Women just knew, sometimes, how to be good mothers. It was a part of them, because they had that magical ability men did not have. Women could produce other people. Men could not.

 She added that she loved her son, who now continued to play with the neckline of Wulfric’s tunic and leaned closer to see if it tasted good too. Wulfric let him while Charis continued talking and Wulfric thought a bit about her words. He felt bad for her not sleeping well, if Peregrinus didn't, “Does he have own bed… or you sleep with him?” Wulfric asked, “My people, mother sleep with child while they are little. You try?” He suggested, hoping he wasn’t intruding too much with his advice. He knew his sister did the same and  he knew he’d done the same. Houses weren’t as huge or divided back home, you often shared bed with members of your family in their houses and it was perfectly normal and provided some safety. And mothers would always have their babies sleep next to them.

@Sara

[Sara]

Charis blinked and shook her head, "I haven't tried. He has a...a basket," she tried to explain in Latin although she lacked the word for it at first, "Next to me so I can tend him if he needs it." She felt a ripple of pain shudder through her body at the thought this man knew more about rearing children than she did. Had she been at home, in Britannia with her family, her mother would have guided her through those first tentative, uneven steps as a new mother. As it was all she had was Rhoda and not having had any children of her own (or at least none that she discussed), Charis was loathed to ask her advice. 

Feeling awkward that she should be discussing something so personal as her sleeping arrangements, she tried to restore the conversation lest any slaves be listening in; "but domine is very generous, he has given us both a room so we're not in the dormitory." Hector had smugly reminded her that it was Peregrinus' room, and she was merely in there as a caretaker, but given Jocasta couldn't stand the noise of her sun squalling at night, it felt like hers and hers alone. 

She moved a hand to support Peregrinus' back as he wobbled, sat on Wulfric's knee. She gave her son a sad smile; meeting a brother should have been a happy occasion, but all she felt was fear and loathing for another disruption to the already complex life that she led. At least he hadn't met Teutus, that was a small mercy and she ventured carefully; "Peregrinus is not your only brother," She swallowed, "I'm not sure if domine said but he has another, Teutus...he would only be a little older than you I imagine." 

 

TAG: @Atrice

[Atrice]

It was interesting how the Romans claimed to be more civilized than anyone North of the Rhine or just North in general. But at the same time, they were further apart from each other. Everyone were afraid of each other, no one would trust each other and mothers didn’t even sleep with their babies next to them. Not here anyway. Maybe some of the plebians and the poorer people did, but Charis was raising the child of a Senator and he knew they were very important in Rome. So even if she was not his father’s wife, she was still raising an important, free child.

“Maybe try… see if he sleep better. And you sleep better.” Wulfric suggested, “Good sleep make day better.” He added with a smile, because he knew and believed this was true. If you slept bad, you could catch some illness and you’d be easier to upset. If you had too many thoughts or your sleep was interrupted otherwise… that’s his experience anyway.

Meanwhile Peregrinus was bouncing happily on his lap, trying to get hold of this and that and checking to see if anything could be eaten. Wulfric just let him, smiling at the child when he smiled at Wulfric. Charis said she had a room with Peregrinus and called his father generous for that, “That is good. One good step.” Wulfric just commented and looked at Charis, when she supported Peregrinus’ back again. The little boy sat down on his knee and he bounced it a bit, which he seemed to like. He noticed Charis’ sad smile. Poor girl, she wasn’t happy here, was she? Just like Aglaea. They didn’t mean to be here, but there was little to do. Right?

Charis then told him about his other brother and Wulfric nodded, “He not tell me… but I know.” He said, “I meet other slave, Aglaea… you know? She is slave to my uncle, Secundus.” Wulfric explained, “She tell me about siblings. I also have sister, she say? So big family now. If they as nice as this brother... it is good.” He smiled, looking at Peregrinus, who was now reaching for his mother and he let the little one more or less crawl over into her lap, with a little support of course.

@Sara

[Sara]

Charis bit her lip, swallowing any unkind words about Teutus that she felt. Their relationship had been even more strained in recent months, ever since that morning at Alexius'. It wounded her deeply - whilst he had always been somewhat aloof and cold, she had nonetheless valued his friendship and now it had turned to ash and she couldn't see a way to mend it. 

She offered a slight, wavering smile as he made a comment on Peregrinus and then slowly shook her head; "Antonia, your sister, she is very sweet. Very young and..." Spoiled, "Confident, but very nice. Teutus..." She hesitated, trying to find the right words and failing, "He has had it worse than most of us. He was a slave, for so many years, and then domino freed him - promised him the world..." She shook her head, "I don't understand why but he cannot make Teutus his heir, I think. And Teutus is..." She swallowed again and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, "Sad, angry maybe...we don't speak much." Because her son on this strangers knee had usurped his place, been given everything Teutus should have had. She saw his position as clearly as her own reflection in a mirror but it didn't make her feelings about in any less complicated. She wanted the best for Teutus, even now, but not at the expense of her own son. 

"I would be careful around him," She added, "If you meet him. He...will be slow to like you, I think." 

 

TAG: @Atrice

[Atrice]

Her mood seemed to have changed and so, Wulfric’s smile faded a little bit too. Aglaea had already explained a bit about his siblings, but Charis would know them better, so she could tell him more. It worried him though, that she offered such a slight smile to him, before she explained more. She told him about his sister, Antonia… young, sweet and confident. Well that wasn’t always bad for a woman, he thought. Wulfric disliked that women had to be so submissive in Rome, when he knew they could be much more than that.

 But he listened as she went on, telling about his brother, the freedman. She seemed moved when she told about him, how his father had promised Teutus the world, but now he could not make Teutus his heir anyway. And now his half-brother was sad and angry. She advised Wulfric to be careful and that Teutus might not like him. He could definitely understand why. Think to be promised something your whole life and then when it was within your reach, you were told you couldn't have it anyway. Wulfric almost felt he knew how it was like. He thought his mother's husband, Wulfstan, was his real father until about a year ago. Luckily, knowing the truth hadn't changed his life much. He'd travelled to Rome, sure. But he wanted to. He wasn't forced to come.

 Wulfric nodded, thoughtfully… “Thank you, for telling me.” Wulfric then said, while Peregrinus bounced. The conversation had taken an odd, darker turn he thought.

 “I will meet him, sometime. And I understand. Why he is angry. I think, I would be also.” Wulfric explained and watched Peregrinus reach out for his mother. He helped the boy move over to her, letting him do most of the work though. Babies were often stronger than you thought they were. He looked at Charis, feeling strangely worried… and there was something she was not telling him, but what? And how to get her to tell? “You know my family well.” He then said, “You speak about Teutus in… eduated way. He is friend to you?”

@Sara

[Sara]

Charis nibbled her lip and let a little sigh escape. Teutus always provoked a lot of complex feelings in her, now more than ever after what had happened at Alexius' apartment. Taking her son back in her arms, she gently rocked him on her knees making him giggle. The sound acted as a balm for her wounds and she managed a smile for her son - looking up at her with those vivid blue eyes, the very mirror of his fathers. 

"I have been here a long time," She said with a smile for her son but didn't look at Wulfric, "I think nearly two years, judging by the seasons." And so much had happened in those years that she couldn't quite believe it. "Teutus is..." Is what? A friend? An enemy? She honestly wasn't sure any more. "Teutus is..." She hesitated again and sighed deeply, bringing Peregrinus up to her chest for a hug. The gesture always soothed her - served to remind her what was important in this world, "Teutus is my master. Not my owner, that is domine - your father - but he is my master still. Him and Antonia, the dominus' daughter." She knew his new position as a freedman, one who commanded the people he used to serve along side must have rubbed on Teutus, but their relationship was more complex than just that. She still remembered the feeling of his fingers at her waist the day they danced in the garden. He had said something then, something she could no longer remember but it had worried her. 

"But we were once close...when he was a slave. Now," She shook her head and finally dragged her eyes to Wulfric, "Slaves should not be friends with freedmen, especially their masters. Do you understand?" She should not be friends with Wulfric, she meant. And even if she could be, she wasn't sure she wanted to be - not given what he meant for Peregrinus and all the threats he brought to their door.

 

TAG: @Atrice

[Atrice]

He watched Charis as she sighed and then rocked Peregrinus on her knees. He really was a treasure, his little brother. Would it be good for him, to be raised in Rome? So far, Wulfric wasn’t so sure he liked the way Roman families were run. The experiences and the knowledge he had about them so far wasn’t in their favor. Surely fresh air and more freedom was better? And for now, Peregrinus would grow up here. With his charming smile and blue eyes. Interesting, that both Wulfric and Peregrinus had inherited those from their father. Made him wonder if his sister Antonia and his brother Teutus also had those eyes.

 Charis answered his newest questions. Said she’d been here a long time, but when she tried to describe what Teutus was to her, she couldn’t find the words. Then she said Teutus was her master, but Wulfric sensed that wasn’t the whole story. So he let her continue. They’d been close, his brother and Charis. But now she said slaves and freedmen or masters could not be friends. She looked at him, wondering if he understood. What was there to understand? Did she mean… that she also should not be friends with Wulfric? But she was his brother’s mother…

 “I understand.” Wulfric said, “Sometimes… life in Rome is strange.” He added thoughtfully, watching her, “But I am not master here. I am not freedman. I am not Roman. What I am… brother to your son.” Wulfric explained and looked up as he saw a male slave look at them from across the peristyle. The slave wasn’t smiling. And then he left. That was odd. But many things were odd and strange today. He got the feeling though, that the male slave was up to no good. And he didn’t want to make life worse for Charis.

 “Maybe it is time I go.” Wulfric then said with a small sigh, “But I am happy to meet Peregrinus. And his mother.” He added with a smile, “I hope we can talk more, maybe another time?”

@Sara

[Sara]

Charis eyed him cautiously, but her features were resolute and her voice held a finality; "You are not my master, but you are above me. You are free, and without the shame of being once held in slavery," Like Teutus, "Or having a slave for a mother." Like her own son. Besides, who knew what Tertius would do? Would taking this man as his heir really be so scandalous? Surely it would be less scandal than naming the son of a slave as his heir? She exhaled through her nose and dragged her eyes back to her son. He was a complication, a knot in the lives of many people, but looking on his young face always lifted her spirits - even just for a moment. 

As Wulfric suggested he should leave, Charis frowned and glanced up at the exact moment to see Hector scurrying away. That meant trouble. He should go. "Thank you," She said as she stood, hoisting her son onto her hip and letting him grab the end of her braid with chubby hands. "If you would like to, sir." She said with an inclination of her head and her eyes cast down to avoid his glance. The formality had resumed again between them, like a chasm pulling people apart. She would never be comfortable around him, around Teutus - even around Antonia, until she felt more secure for her son. She just didn't know how to make that happen. 

"I am sure I will see you when you come to dinner."

 

TAG: @Atrice

[Atrice]

He thought she seemed upset for some reason, but could not really figure out why or how. What had he done to upset her? Was it his… presence? Surely he was not a threat to his brother, that’s not why he was here. But she looked at him, stating that he was above her despite not being her master in any way. Pointing out at the same time how his half-brother Teutus was different from him. Wulfric cast his eyes down for a moment, it almost felt like she was scolding him for simply being who he was… which really was not his fault. And he didn’t want to treat her differently than what he’d do so far. Charis seemed sweet. He liked her. He had no reason to not like her. But it didn’t seem like the feeling was mutual.

 Then he’d spied the other slave across the garden, staring at them and then leaving in a hurry. Wulfric decided that was his cue to leave and Charis stood and he followed. Peregrinus was occupied with his mother and Charis was addressing him quite formally now.

 “I think there is chance of that.” Wulfric replied, when she said she’d see him when he came for dinner the next day, “Thank you, for talking. Take care… of you and my brother.” He patted the top of Peregrinus’ head with a smile and then he gave her a formal nod too, before he went on his way to actually leave his father’s house. He’d been here a grand deal longer than what he expected, but he hadn’t known he would also meet his baby brother and Charis here. There was a lot to think about and consider, until he returned tomorrow evening for the dinner.

the end

@Sara