All's fair in love and war [M]

[Sara]

She took in his reply, looking at him, really, intensely taking him in before she shook her head and turned back to the waves, watching as they crested out to sea before falling in gentle ripples towards the shore. That should have been enough; what he said. It should have been more than enough, but it wasn't. Some part of her was screaming that she should stop, that she should accept his own graceful acceptance and move on as he was offering her the chance to. She couldn't though. Even now, it wasn't in her nature to. 

"That's it?" She said, although she didn't look at him. "I...expected more," She shook her head, "Marius..." She hesitated, sighing deeply. She dropped the pebbles back on the beach and brushed her hand of the sand that encased them, "Marius said that you loved me. It's why I had to say it then, that night, on Saturnalia. We couldn't love each other in a relationship like that, I knew that." She sounded wise beyond her years, not the flippant, often angry young woman many simply saw her as, "And I'm glad you don't anymore." Why else would he simply let her drift away from his life, "But it still hurts me, Lucius. What happened, after everything...it still hurts." Her voice drifted off into the quiet of the night and the rhythm of the waves.

 

TAG: @Chevi

[Chevi]

Of course she had expected more. She was Ovinia. Lucius watched her as she watched him.

"Marius... Marius said that you loved me. It's why I had to say it then, that night, on Saturnalia. We couldn't love each other in a relationship like that, I knew that." 

Lucius sighed, shaking his head. Damn Marius. He had suspected he'd said something to Ovinia. But not this directly...

"And I'm glad you don't anymore. But it still hurts me, Lucius. What happened, after everything...it still hurts." 

He looked up this time, and it was his turn to stare at her with a burning intensity. She was not trying to prod him. She just looked...

"You think I... don't love you anymore?"

[Sara]

When Marius had said it that night in the cubiculum in Rome, she hadn't known what to think. She remembered aching at the realisation, but she hadn't been able to place her own thoughts. She hadn't considered that she had been in love with him; it hadn't felt like love, in all the ways she'd read and dreamed about. But as the time had worn on and their separation became more acute, it had crystallised agonisingly in her mind. She had loved him. She did love him. It was why she had to stay. 

"Lucius..." She dropped her eyes to her feet, kicking the pebbles, unwilling to face the intensity of the look he was giving her. She let her eyes drift shut of their own volition and heard herself speak, "You can't. I can't." She was almost whispering, and she shook her head, blinking back tears, and turned her face to the waves - the wind drying her eyes almost instantly. Her six months as a slave, a proper slave, had matured her in more ways than one. "I love you." She breathed, "But I can't live in the domus like I did. I can't watch you with other women, I can't let your friends touch me, I can't feel guilty for wanting some hair pins. I...want to feel normal." She let out a deep breath, "Even if that normal is the normal of a slave." She finally, slowly turned her head from the waves back to him and felt her resolve break. But I also want you. She instinctively reached for his hand and wove her fingers through his.

 

TAG: @Chevi

[Chevi]

He broke first. Her words, her tears, the look in her eyes. She reached for his hand and he grasped hers, feeling his resolve slip away. For the first time, she was the more mature of the two of them. He pulled her hand to his chest.

"Just tonight, then." He said quietly, pleading. "Before I leave. Tonight, let me love you." 

[Sara]

She felt the flutter of his heart underneath her fingertips and choked, face twisting in pain. She should never have come down here. She should have left it at an awkward, upsetting goodbye tomorrow as she watched the man she loved drift off in a column of dust. But she knew when he sidled up next to her at the wedding that she couldn't say no, that she needed this and she needed him. 

She nodded mutely, afraid for a moment that if she spoke she'd break this spell they'd spun around themselves on the beach where reality didn't matter. "Tonight." She breathed in agreement and she moved quickly up on her toes to wrap her arms around his shoulders in a hug. She needed the comfort of his embrace first. She'd craved it, missed it more than she could bare. When she was satiated with the hug, she pulled back a little before leaning in to kiss him. Tears rolled down her cheeks. The kiss was slow and gentle and everything she needed to say; I love you. 

 

TAG: @Chevi

[Chevi]

He let out the breath he had been holding as she wrapped her arms around him. He held her tightly, breathing in the scent of her hair. How could this ever be enough? 

They had tonight.

She kissed him. It was slow and sweet and almost unbearable. He kissed her back with more desperation, one hand tangling in her hair. Gods, he had missed her. He hummed deep in his chest and gathered her closer. I love you.

[Sara]

The kiss deepened and she was utterly powerless to stop it. She didn't want to stop it. She wanted him, more than at any point in whatever their relationship had been. She instinctively wound an arm around his neck, her own fingers snaking up into his hair. His hum was met with one of her own against his lips. This was so perfect, so needed that she almost couldn't stand it. When she finally broke for air she was panting, her breath hitching in her throat, tears drying on flushed cheeks. 

She didn't know what to say, and so she just held him with her forehead pressed against his own. She wanted this and she wanted so much more than this and it was unbearable. Maybe this had been a mistake; giving her a glimpse of what she was choosing not to take. She murmured softly against his lips; "What are we doing?" 

 

TAG: @Chevi

[Chevi]

Ovinia's kiss was more honest than her words. Now that she had given up her worries, at least for one night, he could feel the want in the way she kissed him. The longing, the pleasure. He held her against him and she pulled herself closer. There was a deep ache of desire in his chest, and they kissed until they ran out of air.

"What are we doing?" 

"Whatever we want to." he murmured against her lips. There were so many things he wanted to do. So many parts of her he wanted to kiss. But even so, standing here on the beach, they probably could not stay forever. People would be looking for them.

[Sara]

"Mhmm." She made a humming noise of agreement against his lips, an actual smile pulling on her own. This was awful and heartbreaking but also exactly what she wanted. And it was exhilarating. Arms still looped around his neck she pulled him down for another kiss; just as desperate and intense as the last, fingers moving from his back to his chest, clutching the fabric of his tunica. But it couldn't last. 

"Oviniaaaaa!" A sing song, drunken voice called from the path that wound up from the beach. Ovinia pulled back breathlessly, flushed and hair in disarray although in the last sun of the evening, she was hopeful whomever it was hadn't seen the embrace. 

"Shit," She muttered with a panicked look, being snapped into reality far quicker than she would have liked. 

"Oviniaaaaa the song! They want the song!" She heard an expletive after that when whomever it was that was trying to find her must have tripped down the rocky path. She glanced up to Lucius with a gulp, and moved her hand down to take his, leading him back along the pebbles, back towards the party and reality.

 

TAG: @Chevi

[Chevi]

There was still some fear in Lucius that Ovinia would realize what was happening, and change her mind. While they kissed, they were drunk on each other, but she had always been careful and skittish about being with him. He just wanted to show her how much he cared, before it all had to end one way or another.

"Oviniaaaaa!" 

"Shit" he echoed her word and her sentiment. He stole one last kiss, but they did need to go, before someone came looking. He stepped back, running a hand through his hair. At least they still looked halfway decent, and fully dressed.

Ovinia headed back up the path, pulling him along. They could not show up hand in hand, but he was not ready to let go just yet. He might not get one more chance. Before they turned the low bushes up the path, he tugged on her hand, pulling her closer. He had no right to ask, but he did anyway, in a low voice. "Come to my room after?"

@Sara

[Sara]

She stopped as he tugged her back and wrapped her arms around his waist, just for a moment to savour in him, in this. She nodded with a small smile. "Yes." It was such a simple sounding request but had so much weight behind it. The answer was an easy one for her though and she said it without hesitation. 

Finally, reluctantly she released his hand and began to move further up the path where a drunk, confused Aria was standing, hand on hip. She giggled as she saw Ovinia, her cheeks flushed from the wine and the dancing. "There you areee, your song!" She clapped her hands together and then immediately moved to grab Ovinia's own hand to tug her up the hill and back to the party. She managed to mumble to Lucius as they grew nearer to the festivities, quietly, under her breath; "Don't stay for this, I'll be done soon-" But she was cut off by Aria practically dragging her towards the canopy. 

A few more flowers were unceremoniously stuck in her hair and a man - a servant she didn't recognise from the main villa house - sidled up to her, cheap lyre in hand, happy grin on his face. He strummed a few chords and then bowed dramatically. She rolled her eyes. They hadn't rehearsed but he soon started an upbeat melody and after a few jeers from the assembled crowd, she started to sing. It was one she'd heard when she was a girl by a vivacious young performer that had entertained her father and his friends at some party; about love and about cheating men, and about satisfaction. She exaggerated certain parts which produced laughs and cheers from the crowd, but her voice (and the wine she was handed) carried her through.

 

TAG: @Chevi

[Chevi]

Lucius let her go ahead, and followed a few minutes later, once everyone way paying attention to the musician and the song. He walked around, skirting the celebrating crowd, and smiled from the shadows, listening to Ovinia sing. She sounded... free. She was having fun. And the audience was loving it. She really had a beautiful voice, but it was not that... it has her sounding like herself.

Lucius tapped Marius on the shoulder. "I'm going to bed. Maybe too much wine." He definitely felt drunk. "Have the night off. And the morning." He added with a smile. Marius was holding a cup too, and had a wreath of flowers. He only nodded, smiling in agreement.

Once the singing was over, Lucius retired to his room. It would have been odd if they both disappeared at the same time. But now came the waiting. Would she actually come? Would she change her mind? Would she show up, just to tell him she'd changer her mind?... He was not sure he could handle that. The minutes felt like ages.

@Sara

[Sara]

She was breathless and flushed when she finished the song and was grinning, genuinely. She'd never sung in front of others before, never. She had always loved music and cherished it, singing to herself whenever she could, but the thought that she'd sing in front of the public, or even her own family was almost a laughable proposition to the Ovinia of a year ago. But she'd done it. And loved it. 

She had to wriggle out of attempts to put her back under the canopy for another song and shook her head with a grin, claiming that you should always leave your audience wanting more. The lyre player struck up another chord though and she was corralled back under the canopy. She cast a nervous glance around the gardens and couldn't see Lucius. She swallowed, but how could she refuse? She struck a different tone for this one; a love elegy that was equal parts sweet and solemn. When's she finally finished, many minutes later, she was desperate to get away and had to weave through the crowds of revellers until she entered the villa. She didn't miss the glare Marius shot in her direction. 

The place was silent; everybody was outside and as she padded through the corridors to Lucius' room she felt the exhilaration of the song ware off, replaced by apprehension. But she wanted to do this. She knew that much at least; she needed him. She turned the handle and slipped in without knocking. The door slipped shut and she let out a breath, words didn't seem to come to her. 

 

TAG: @Chevi

[Chevi]

It had seemed like forever until the door opened. Lucius looked up in the light of the lamps, and his heart jumped as he saw Ovinia slip inside. He had not dared to really hope until just now. But she was here, and she looked beautiful in the soft light, even if she hesitated. He crossed the room in two strides and wrapped her in a hug. "You came." Now he just hoped she would decide to stay...

@Sara

[Sara]

She mumbled into the crook of his neck; "I'm not going anywhere." And looped her arms around his waist, clutching her fingers into the fabric. Her back was against the door, key digging into her spine but even that couldn't pull her out of the moment. 

His own need for her surprised her though. She had craved him; his touch, his smile, even his teasing, it was why she isolated herself so much in the domus. Why she was staying. Am I staying? She squashed the thought and tried to keep herself in the moment. But he had never seemed as invested as her; not even with Marius' proclamation that he loved her. 

 

TAG: @Chevi

[Chevi]

"I'm not going anywhere."

For tonight, he reminded himself. She was not going anywhere for tonight, she was here to stay. She held him, and he only pulled back to lock the door, and pull her further into the room. He smiled at her in the light of the lamps, running his hands through her hair, down the two sides of her face, along her shoulders, admiring her with a dazed smile. His hands landed at her belt, and he hesitated, because this was the threshold they had always stopped at before. He looked at her eyes, searching. "Tell me what you want."

[Sara]

The lock clicked and they were alone. Properly alone. It had felt like centuries and she hadn't realised how much she'd missed it until his hands were on her face, flowing through her hair, moving along the curves of her body. She felt her own fingers dance across his shoulders and chest but she felt as if this was happening in some deep, repressed dream and not in reality. It's why she stilled as he posed his question, breath hitching in her throat. 

"I don't know." She blurted out, heat in her voice. She didn't know. She didn't know whether she wanted to go further than she ever had - but logically that was the reason she'd come. She couldn't have thought this would be a few languorous kisses as before. But she didn't know what she wanted; all she knew was that she wanted him. That kisses weren't enough; weren't momentous enough for the rush and the depth of feeling that was pouring into every vein. She moved her arms up to wind around his neck, tugging him down for a deep, slow kiss. "I just want you." She said against his lips, quietly. "Show me." 

 

TAG: @Chevi

[Chevi]

He wanted her. He wanted her more than anything, and he could have kissed her all night and never got tired of it. She didn't tell him what she wanted... other than him, which was more than enough. He could never grow tired of hearing that either.

Lucius smiled against her lips, tugging her closer as he undid her belt. He undressed her carefully, and gods, everything he saw was making his head spin. He wanted to touch her everywhere. And then kiss her in all the same places. Her skin was warm and soft and she fit so well against him. His hands traveled along her curves and his breath grew heavy, as he kissed his way down her neck. "If I do anything you don't want... tell me." He muttered. They were already further gone than any time before. Anything else was her choice.

@Sara

[Sara]

Ovinia was sure she was still dreaming as she woke up, swathed in blankets, limbs feeling as heavy as if they were tied down with lead weights. She was warm and as she cracked her eyes into the dim light of the flickering lamps, utterly content. There was no birdsong, just the gentle sound of the man next to her breathing in his sleep and she shifted her face on the pillow, peering at him. She felt an ache in her chest.

She couldn't help but touch him, her fingers moving up to softly brush his hair from his forehead, tracing down his cheek, resting on his lips. She didn't want to wake him, but she couldn't help herself. Dawn was only a few hours away, and who knew what would change with it? She felt, on one hand, more resolute than she had yesterday that staying was the right choice. The other side of her was yearning for him, for more of this, for the intensity they had shared last night, the pleasure, the complete vulnerability. She made a soft sound at the thought and dropped her hand back to rest under her head, keeping her eyes on his face, taking in every inch of him.

 

TAG: @Chevi

[Chevi]

He had kept his promise. He loved her, for that night, it was clear from everything he'd done, and he followed her lead. He'd held her, and kissed her, and touched her, and tasted her, and completely lost himself. There was a blurred line between reality and dream, and he was not even sure when or how he had fallen asleep.

It was some time later, in the early hours of the morning, by the time he became aware of his surroundings again. Mostly the warmth, and the scent of Ovinia's skin, and a soft sound she made. He gathered her closer on instinct, knowing somewhere deep down that the moment they were fully awake, the spell would be broken. So instead he tucked her under the blanket against his side, and pressed a kiss to her temple without opening his eyes.

@Sara

[Sara]

She felt herself be gathered in his arms and went with him with a smile, stretching out an arm across his chest, head buried in the curve of his neck. She made another soft sound at his kiss and turned her own face up to press one of her own to his jaw. She didn't know if he was still sleeping, doing this on instinct, but she didn't mind either way. She was savouring this; the feel of his body, relaxed under hers, the smell of his skin, the steady rhythm of his breathing and the movement of his chest. 

"I'm so happy," She murmured into his skin - almost in a whisper, mostly to herself, as she buried her face back into his neck, "And that makes me so sad." Because she couldn't have everything she wanted - which was him, unadulterated and himself, with her the same. It couldn't be like that in Rome and the thought was almost intolerable. "Thank you." She murmured. She knew Lucius was patient - he'd shown her time and time again and his restraint when they had been sharing a bed before had been legendary. But last night his patience had been almost reverent in the way he touched her, allowed herself to explore, to experience pleasure she hadn't even read about. It had been perfect. But dawn was almost here.

 

TAG: @Chevi

[Chevi]

All the passion had burnt itself out, and now they were both comfortably warm. Lucius had no doubt the desire would return, possibly the moment they were properly awake, but he loved the sleepy kisses, and Ovinia snuggling closer to him.

"I'm so happy. And that makes me so sad."

Lucius sighed, his chest rising and falling. He felt the same. Never been so happy, and knowing it would not last.

"Thank you." 

"Please don't thank me." he muttered, turning his head to rest his forehead against hers. If she thanked him... it was as if something was ending. He did not want closure yet. "I don't think I can do this..."

@Sara

[Sara]

She moved her hand up from his chest to rest against his throat, feeling the thrum of his blood in his veins under her fingertips. She did want to thank him, she wanted to thank him until she was hoarse but she merely nodded - an audible sound of her head moving against her pillow and let out a soft sigh. "Then don't." Her voice was quiet and soft, but steady. There was no great rush of emotion - neither of them needed it, or could face it, she was sure.

Her fingers moved up to brush against his cheek and a soft smile fell on her lips. She still felt like she was moving in a dream. "Go back to sleep," She murmured and leant to kiss him on the forehead, before pulling back and letting her head rest there instead, "Just go back to sleep." And I'll be gone when you wake up, and we can move on. The latter part was implicit. 

 

TAG: @Chevi

[Chevi]

As long as they were both asleep, holding on to each other, everything was well. Lucius could have stayed like this forever, even though he knew forever was impossible. The sun will rise, the morning will come, the night would be over, and everything would be real again.

"Just go back to sleep." 

He finally opened his eyes, looking up at Ovinia as she leaned in to rest her forehead against his. She had been more beautiful this night than he'd ever seen her before. He reached up to run his fingers through her hair. "I don't think I want to."

@Sara

[Sara]

"Me either." She whispered and shifted so she was on her back. Looking at him hurt, a deep ache in her chest, and she instead let her eyes focus on the shadows dancing across the ceiling and the sensation of his fingers softly stroking her hair. 

"But how can we go back," She shook her head. She had wanted to leave it in the ecstasy of last night - to be gone when he woke and to have the simple division of their lives. This was so much worse. "You don't want me in Rome," She offered, her voice still a whisper, "Serving you in the day, sweeping your floors and pouring wine for your guests and then coming to your bed at night like a slave girl in any other house in Rome." She understood that now - it made him as uncomfortable as it made herself.

 

TAG: @Chevi