Everything's changing

[Chevi]

I blame you. That hurt more than the knife she cut him with. His look probably said as much, but she was not looking at him. Lucius felt, with a sinking feeling in his stomach, that she was slipping away from him.

"And the Praetorian, and Jason and the others who voted to ignore what we were saying. But if you take responsibility for that, if you understand how much it has hurt me and you are sorry... I don't want you to think I hate you." 

"I thought I was doing the right thing. I know that's not an excuse" he said quietly. Part of him wanted to beg her. "But I do know I hurt you. And I'm sorry."

@Sara

[Sara]

"You always think you're doing the right thing." She said with a small quirk of her lips as she stared up at the canopy of the tree above her. "But perhaps use this as a lesson, like your adoption, that sometimes your belief in what you're doing has consequences for others. Painful ones." She finally glanced at him, her head still resting on the wall behind them. He looked hurt and she felt a wave of something within her. Guilt. 

Without her customary hesitancy, she moved her fingers to stroke the side of his face, tracing over his cheek. "I know you are sorry." But she could not quite say she forgave him. Not yet. "I will be fine." She tried to summon her strength and exhaled a deep breath. "It will be fine. And then it will be over." she offered him a wan smile. "And then we can move on." Although what moving on looked like, she had no idea.

 

TAG: @Chevi

[Chevi]

He frowned as she brought up his adoption as a mistake. He was still not sure it had been. Yes, it messed things up, and it forever divided him from her... that part, he regretted. But not the choosing of his own path.

"You will be fine." he nodded. He'd do everything he could to make it so. "He will be gone soon. One way or another." Dead, hopefully tortured, and burned to ash. And then... they could move on. Whatever she meant by that. His heart sank again.

"Do you... want me to... find someone else to help you?"

@Sara

[Sara]

"He will be gone soon." She repeated with a shudder and dropped her fingers from his face. It was a thought she hoped would calm her, but it didn't. Even after he died - if she was able to watch him die - she was sure she would still have the nightmares and fears of the shadows. But she saw distress on his face and frowned, her lips parting as he asked a hesitant question. 

It was natural to ask, she supposed, given her disappointment in him, her hurt at what he'd done. But she answered almost immediately. "No." She said firmly, shaking her head and looking at him with somewhat imploring eyes. "I need you." She did. He brought her comfort - even when he was the source of the distress... "But I fear you've made an enemy for life from one Praetor Camillus." She offered, trying to lighten the mood just ever so slightly with a small smile. 

 

TAG: @Chevi

[Chevi]

I need you.

Lucius' look softened, and he gave her a small smile, reaching for her hand again. The weight on his chest lightened, just a little. He knew he was fooling himself about many things; about any hope the two of them might have, or that she would feel things for him, other than the need for someone to be there for her when she was lost and scared. But he didn't care.

"I am afraid that ship has sailed a long time ago" he sighed. "But I don't really care. I'm here as long... as you need me."

@Sara

[Sara]

She gripped his hand in hers with a small smile and nodded. She registered his sigh though and the hesitancy in his words. She'd hurt him, with her honesty. But she needed him to understand the gravity of what he'd done; he'd taken away the choice she had, like so many men before her in her life had done about almost everything. She tried her level best not to feel guilty for her words, but looking at him she felt it well up again. 

"Can we go somewhere?" She asked, quietly. She shifted a little on the crates to look at him, smoothing her fingers over his hand. "After I speak with Tiberius or...another day. Can we find somewhere, a garden or a festival or..." she shook her head. "Somewhere." Ironically they had spent more time together alone - or just with her slave - before she realised the depth of her feelings for him, then after. Now she had an ever present guard most of the time it was far more challenging. She swallowed and sighed softly. "I miss you. Even when you are a fool. And you can make it up to me with a trip somewhere." She offered, trying to assuage her misplaced guilt.

 

TAG: @Chevi

[Chevi]

"Can we go somewhere? After I speak with Tiberius or...another day. Can we find somewhere, a garden or a festival or... Somewhere."

"We will. Yes." Lucius nodded, holding her hand. He wanted nothing more. Their stolen moment in the library was still vivid in his mind.

"I miss you. Even when you are a fool. And you can make it up to me with a trip somewhere." 

"I will do my best" he smiled softly at her, lifting her hand to kiss her knuckles. "I will... find a festival, or... a garden, or a temple, or something. Where we can be alone."

@Sara

[Sara]

She smiled softly as he laid a gentle kiss on her knuckles and her eyes softened, although there was still traces of anxiety in the stiffness of her body, the tightening around her eyes. "Lucia will help." She offered. She'd come to trust the slave girl more and more since the library. Whilst ostensibly owned by her father (as they all were, Ovinia herself included), Lucia was forthright in her own way. And seemed far more eager to serve her domina than her dominus.

She gripped his fingers. "I am sorry." She said softly. What was she sorry for? Cutting him? Definitely. Blaming him? Yes, but largely only because she hated to see the guilt in his face and know that she caused it. "Do you remember how carefree we felt at Saturnalia? Or even Neptunalia?" Before this had all started, although reflecting now there had been an undercurrent of something there. She swallowed and dropped her head to his hand. "I wish we could get back there. To feel that...light again." 

 

TAG: @Chevi

[Chevi]

"Of course I remember" He smiled. He would hold her hand as long as they had time. Probably a few minutes more. He also wanted to hold her and kiss her, but they were way too exposed in the street for that. "There are a lot more things like that in the future" he promised her, using his free hand to tuck hair behind her ear. "I will find the festivals that make you happy."

@Sara

[Sara]

She remembered it vividly. How could she not. She had been - much like today - furious at him on Saturnalia...but that fury had given way to other feelings that felt far more natural when in his company than anger. She smiled softly as he tenderly tucked her hair behind her ears and ducked her head, an almost shy flush coming to her cheeks. 

"I am not building another stick and moss hut with you though." She muttered with a small, slight smile as she flicked dark eyes up. "But there will be other things we can do. I just-" 

"Domina! Dominus is calling for you." She heard Lucia's hurried whisper across the alley, from the slave's door and she bolted up, dropping Lucius' hand, dusting herself off and putting a respectful distance between them before the door swung open and she blinked at her brother. Praise the Gods for Lucia.

 

TAG: @Sarah @Chevi

[Sarah]

Father was pissed, and he wasn't afraid to let the household know about it. As far as he was concerned every aspect of this had been mishandled by that vigile. Lucius glanced at the braver slaves hovering nearby and bade them make themselves scarce with a flick of his fingers. He would be his father's sounding board as the man ranted, knowing better than to actually interject or argue with him. Gaius Ovinius Camillus was one of the most powerful senators in Rome, and he had got that way through diplomacy, manipulation, threats and bribery, each as necessary. He had a tendency to view anyone with fewer achievements as inferior, and those of lower classes as well beneath him. Lucius himself had been on the receiving end of the man's ire over his own lack of political ambition, though after a shouting match the two had come to a certain level of understanding and agreement. But the younger man still thought that his father was being too harsh on the vigile. The Empire had laws, it had processes, and they were there so that the rest of the population wasn't simply at the mercy of the rich and powerful. He suspected that Gaius saw those laws as a hinderance at times, like now. Admittedly life would be a lot simpler if the man they'd caught last night had simply fallen and broken his neck on the way to the tullianum, but what was done was done. At least Caesar's brother was apparently willing to intervene, and Ovinia had already said that the man was a friend...

Finally Gaius's rant wound down. Lucius listened but never bothered to interrupt, filing the information and opinions away for later. He knew better than to argue with his father where it wasn't needed, that just caused trouble for everyone. Eventually the man declared that he was heading to the courts, and stalked out. Lucius pitied those who awaited him there; Gaius Ovinius Camillus in a mood was nobody's idea of a good day. The sudden quiet in the house was a relief, and Lucius looked around, not spotting the figure he was looking for. "Where is my sister?" He asked, sighting Lucia, who was usually her shadow. I'll just fetch her, domine, came the woman's answer, but Lucius's gaze narrowed and he followed quietly at a distance, suspicion pricking at him as he'd half expected Ovinia to be hiding in a doorway, listening. 

Domina! Dominus is calling for you. A whisper, at the slave's door. Outside was the ally that ran down the side of the domus. Why would Lucia feel the need to whisper, unless something were happening that should not be? With a disapproving glance in her direction, Lucius pushed past the woman and opened the door, finding his sister and Roscianus in the alley beyond. The young man with the nice arms. He sighed, remembering his conversation with his sister over dinner, some months ago now, and her sadness at not being able to follow her feelings, however juvenile and unrealistic they might be. She hadn't been the same since the attack either, and in this moment she seemed brighter for the first time in ages. Lucius sighed and leaned against the door jamb, arms folded across his chest, looking from one to the other. "You know this alley is visible from the roadway, right?" He asked quietly. Not that people generally peered up random alleyways, but technically speaking, someone might see them. 

@Sara @Chevi

Edited October 9, 2022 by Sarah

[Sara]

Well, at least it was her brother and not her father. And at least Lucia had warned them so there was a respectable distance between them now, however superficial it might be. She saw her brothers disapproval as he leant against the doorframe and she huffed, folding her arms over her chest unconsciously, much like he was. To see them together was clear they were siblings, not that Ovinia noticed.

"Yes, and visible from slave doors with brothers who wish to butt in, clearly." She rolled her eyes and shot him a little glare, trying to feign imperiousness where she felt none. Had Lucia not warned them or her brother had come a few moments earlier this would have been a very different conversation. She swallowed at her own recklessness. "Father was being unreasonable." She said quietly as if he might still hear her, "And I could hardly talk to Vigile Roscianus in the house with him here could I?" she glanced across at Lucius for support before looking back to her brother. "Why? Are you going to complain to him that I've been conversing with a Vigile unguarded?" She challenged her favourite brother. 

 

TAG: @Chevi @Sarah

Edited October 9, 2022 by Sara

[Sarah]

"Brothers who want to look after their sisters who seem prone to getting attacked." He corrected, ignoring her imperious tone and likewise oblivious to the similarity of their body language. Lucius glanced at the other Lucius, feeling a little sorry for the man, and for his sister whom he knew was torn between what she wanted and what was expected of her. But however much the man might cheer her up, temping fate by talking in the alley outside the house wasn't a smart thing to do. 

Why? Are you going to complain to him that I've been conversing with a Vigile unguarded?

Camillus rolled his eyes. "Of course I'm not." He retorted. "But someone else might." And wasn't it his duty to protect her honour? Again his gaze moved to the other man, whom Camillus believed was just trying to do his job. "Father was being unreasonable." He agreed, quietly spoken heresy. "I'd have thought he'd be glad to see the end of it." He admitted. It was rare that he'd voice disapproval of their father outside of the family, but Roscianus had just seen the man at his most furious. "Thank you Vigile Roscianus for apprehending the man, for what it's worth from me." He has no real means with which to express his gratitude to the vigiles beyond words. "Would you like something to eat or drink before you go?" He added, thinking that was at least civilised.

Unfortunately the man did have to go, they couldn't risk rumours. Go or come inside anyway. In the back of his mind his conversation with his sister over dinner warred with the socially accepted double standards regarding young men and women. On the one hand of course women should keep themselves chaste and not fraternise with men outside their home; on the other hand his sister looked more lively than she had in months. Ugh. He didn't need this, but she'd trusted him with the truth as he knew she had no other. 

@Chevi @Sara