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What Little I Know [M]


Sara

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"Attagirl." Ovinia was still pretending like she was not the carefully protected daughter of a rich family, but Aia was not really interested in that part of the story. She grinned, folding her arms to rest her chin on them. "Yeah, the meeting places are tricky. But not impossible. I've met Decimus in all sorts of places... a pantry on the Palatine, even in a cemetery. That was a bad idea." she snorted, remembering the skirmish with the grave robbers. "Mostly, we rented a room in a popina, that was decent enough. Lots of secluded places in this city..."

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Ovinia blinked, frowning at Aia, not understanding. "But...but surely you could have just met him in public, no?" She rested her own chin on her forearm from where she kept herself anchored to the side, her legs floating in the water beneath her. "You are of the same class? And if you have no family to refuse the match?" She frowned, "I suppose you could have even kissed in public and nobody would have batted an eye?" She chuckled, shaking her head. "And...and I can't go to a popina." She swallowed. "My family may find out and...it is...too secluded, I think." 

 

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"No family, no. But as a praetorian, he can't marry, and I was working at an imperial woman's household at the time. So whatever I did would reflect on them, or at least that was the idea." Aia shrugged. It was done now, or rather, she was living her life in a different way. Then again, visiting a popina in secret was not everyone's idea of a solution. She quirked an eyebrow at Ovinia.

"Too secluded?"

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She nodded and sighed. "I understand." Even when one could be of the same class, it seemed Rome put up boundaries to prevent romance and happiness. She sighed again, tilting her face so her flush cheek lay on her arm. 

"I...I only mean that should we be discovered in a garden or a temple or something it...it is easy to explain. Or easier." She swallowed, "A popina though? A private room?" She bit her lip at even the thought of it. "My family would likely strike me down on the spot. It's not worth it...just for a kiss." she swallowed and then added more quietly. "No matter how good the kiss is." 

 

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She was not wrong. Aia knew that families took their daughters' honor very seriously. It was one of the reasons why her father dressed her as a boy. And she wasn't even patrician. Patrician girls were currency, to be exchanged for social gain.

"Just for a kiss?" she chuckled, watching how Ovinia blushed. 

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Ovinia was grateful her body was concealed under the water, bar her shoulders, so Aia could not see how her body tensed. Her blush was apparently obvious. The stuttering didn't help either as she spoke, indignant; "O-of course just for a kiss. I'm not a whore-" she regretted the words as soon as she said them, recalling that Aia and her Praetorian had been...intimate before marriage. Alexius, likewise, often spoke of close friends who were.

She swallowed, moving her head from its languorous position and glancing down into the water instead, her voice quieter. "I have to wait until marriage. I want to wait until marriage. But kissing is nice." She smiled instead, weakly. 

 

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Aia blinked, surprised at the judgment, and then let out an amused snort. She had no illusions about what well-bred girls would think about her arrangement with Decimus, but then again, she did not give a shit.

"It's fine if you want to wait." Aia noted, watching how flustered she was about the whole topic. "But apart from kissing, there are a whole lot of other nice things you can do that still leave you a maiden. Just so you know. He probably does."

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Ovinia was flustered. And moreso as Aia continued to speak. She gripped the side of the baths with a vice like grip, her fingers turning white at the pressure. She didn't look at the other woman's face, instead peering down at the water as if it were fascinating. But there was a frown on her forehead as she turned Aia's words over in her mind. She knew how sex worked - the graffiti on the walls of the city were particularly educational for young patrician girls like Ovinia, but beyond that, any mention of the act from friends and family - women at least - were always muttered under breath with an eye roll and thinly veiled dislike. She'd never heard words of nice things in relation to...it. Beyond some poetry she'd accidentally (purposefully) taken from her brothers room. It made as much sense now to her as it did then. 

"I..." She struggled to form words and instead focused on sinking lower in the water, up to her chin, giving her a reason not to look at Aia. "I don't know what you talk of, but either way I am sure they are just as..." She cleared her throat, "Inappropriate to think about or do with anybody but my husband." She shifted awkwardly. But just so you know... I could kiss every inch of your body, and technically you'd still be a maiden. Her cheeks burned red.

 

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"Oh, it is completely inappropriate" Aia grinned at Ovinia. It was kind of adorable, how flustered she got at the mere idea. Aia had skipped that phase in her life, on account of being surrounded by soldiers who had no shame whatsoever. But now, living the life she was, she felt responsible about not leaving young women in the dark. "It's fun, though."

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"Is it?" She asked, blurting out the question before she could stop herself. And when she realised what she asked, she raised slender fingers to her lips as if  to clamp them shut. She shouldn't be talking about this. Really, she shouldn't. She was convinced her mother would tell her when she considered it necessary to do so. But the feelings that surfaced in the sparing embraces she'd had with Lucius...suggested something more was going on than just duty. And she was itching to know what. 

"I..." She dropped her fingers, wincing. "I only mean that women...I know, who talk of such things, don't always do so with enjoyment." She shrugged. "Not that it's a frequent topic of conversation but whenever it has been brought up in my presence it...appears more of a duty than anything." 

 

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  • Sara changed the title to What Little I Know [M]

Oh, now they were talking. Ovinia might have been shy, but she was curious. Aia grinned. She wished there was a career in this, like language tutoring. But for women. The would would be a better place.

"That's because most women are married off out of duty, to men they don't desire. And most men, accordingly, are shit at pleasing their women." she noted, keeping he voice low as she lay on the edge of the pool. "Then again, most women are also shit at pleasing themselves. Have you done that yet?"

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That will be me, when my father finally picks a husband. She thought, absently. Her mind went back to the list she'd found - and shared with her brother - from her fathers tablinum. None named on it inspired great passion in her. 

But she frowned, drawing back to the side and folding her arms on it to keep her steady as she leant in close to Aia, her voice low. Nobody was likely to be listening  to them but she wanted to be sure. She really, really shouldn't be talking of this but curiosity won her over. She shook her head slightly, her voice quiet. "I...don't understand what you mean." 

 

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Oh, gods. Aia had more work than she'd expected. Because that question was a resounding no

"Alright... So. Do you know what a woman and a man do together when they have sex?" Most maidens knew at least the basics; if from nothing else, then scribblings on the walls. Romans were not exactly shy about penises, and their many uses. Ovinia seemed sheltered, but she was not a Vestal.

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Ovinia blinked, feeling shame eat at her. She was an educated woman - she could read and write and was prodigious in music, she could speak and read and write Greek, but...apparently there had been some things sorely lacking in said education. She flushed, swallowing and nodded. 

"I-" She was interrupted by a gaggle of four women floating past, gossiping and grinning at the pair of them. She didn't know them but she couldn't be sure they didn't know her. She glanced around, spying a bench that was more secluded and gestured her head to Aia at it. It was recessed in a wall, sheltered from prying ears. She flicked a hand at a bath slave as she moved to the steps where she promptly exited the pool. She had little shame for her naked body but still unpinned her hair to disguise the scar on her shoulder blade, before she was wrapped in a towel to cover herself. She padded over to the bench, facing Aia. 

She kept her voice low. "Yes. I...understand the mechanics." At least she thought so. She prayed to the Gods Aia wouldn't make her describe it. 

 

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Aia looked up at the women; they didn't stop to linger, but they made Ovinia jumpy. They moved over to a secluded spot with a bench, which was good enough. These spots in baths were invented for conversations like this. Maybe exactly like this.

"Alright, good start." Aia thought about what, and how, she wanted to say things. She tried to imagine what she'd have wanted to say, as a girl like her. "Well. That... the whole, man inserting his penis in the vagina, that can be pleasurable too. For him, obviously, but for some women too. But it's not really needed when you're on your own. You just take your fingers, put them between your legs, and see what you like."

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Ovinia was blushing furiously now, and she didn't even have the warmth of the water as an excuse any more. She tightened the linen towel around herself, her fingers nervously playing with the ends of her long dark hair. She felt like a child, being educated on something  that was obvious to everybody else but her. 

"I..." She glanced down at herself and then back up to Aia, anxiety in her eyes. "Why would you do that? And is that not...a husband's right? Or...a lovers?" in Aia's case at least. She tried to envisage what Aia was saying but couldn't imagine it was pleasurable. Or worth it. 

 

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"The two are not mutually exclusive. Men do it all the time." Aia smirked. "Besides, you are the one feeling the pleasure. You need to teach your... um, husband, what you like. If you let them guess, that's just bad for everyone involved." she chuckled. Granted, she had no idea what she was doing, her first time with Decimus either. Other than what she knew about herself. Luckily, Decimus was a very attentive man.

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"Men do it all the time?" She arched a brow, "I thought they used slaves for that?" The men in her family certainly did. "And...women of ill repute." She'd seen the phalli everywhere, advertising the various pleasure houses of Rome. She'd even met a woman from there. That awful, evil blonde woman. A friend of Lucius and Marcus. Her jaw grit at the thought. 

"And I don't think my husband will be expecting me to know what I like." She chuckled, tucking her hair behind her ears. "I...appreciate your help but I don't think I should..." 

 

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"Do yourself a favor, and try it." Aia said with an amused smile. "When you're alone. And obviously, you won't have to tell your husband about it." Men liked their blushing brides all innocent, for some reason. "But here's the thing. That place you touch... that can be touched, without anything entering your vagina. That means, it gives you pleasure, and leaves you a virgin." She chuckled. "If you get an excellent man, they can even kiss you there. And believe me, that's worth it."

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Ovinia listened and nodded tentatively in assent as Aia instructed her to try it. She didn't understand entirely what she was to do, but made a note to try. Touch herself. Without anything entering. She merely swallowed and saved that information for the dark of night later. 

Lucius' words came to the fore again as she spoke. I could kiss every inch of your body, and technically you'd still be a maiden. So evidently, if his words were anything to go by, Lucius was one of Aia's so called excellent men. The thought sat uncomfortably on her shoulders though and she glanced at Aia, clearly anxious. "But...I would still have to bare my body for him, would I not? I..." She gripped the fabric of the linen towel that concealed said body, "I have been brought up to believe that such an honour is for my husband." and the slaves that washed and attended her, but they were of no matter. "It...feels wrong to think of doing such a thing with another...surely if the Gods intended for that to be the case, such knowledge would be more widespread? Or more women would..." 

 

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"But...I would still have to bare my body for him, would I not? I..."

"Yeah. You would." Aia nodded with an amused smile.

"I have been brought up to believe that such an honour is for my husband. It...feels wrong to think of doing such a thing with another...surely if the Gods intended for that to be the case, such knowledge would be more widespread? Or more women would..." 

"I don't really think the gods have anything to do with it." Aia noted with a shrug. "Not with the spread of information, anyway. From what I can tell, many women... especially patrician women... don't really know any of this, even after getting married. And the lucky ones that do don't... movie in the same social circles." she gave Ovinia a pointed look. "I know I am lucky because I really have nothing to lose, by being with Decimus. And we can marry eventually. Although I'm not sold on the childbirth part yet." She shrugged again. "If you ask me, if one's entire life is chalked up to fulfilling her duties... a little fun doesn't hurt. As long as they are smart about it."

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Ovinia tightened the towel around herself. Lucius. Seeing her naked. She suppressed a shudder at the thought...but not all of it was out of a horror at such a thing. Her cheeks felt like they were on fire and she kept a firm grip of the linen around her as Aia spoke. She listened, intently, as if she was listening to some history tutor back when she was a girl.

She blanched a little at the mention of patrician women. She told herself, tried to calm herself, with the thought that there was no way for Aia to know. Surely she didn't hear her and Pinaria speaking outside of the insula...? Focus, Ovinia - she snapped at herself and instead returned to focus on what she was saying. When Aia was finished she just simply stared at her, dark eyes assessing but there was a hint of a smile on her lips. "I...suppose I've never thought of it that way." Because your father would send you to Pandateria like Augustus' daughter if he ever found out. If you're lucky. She shifted on the bench. "But such a thing is hypothetical for me. I mean...as I said, we barely have time to meet anyway..." She cleared her throat, trying to move the conversation along rather  than dwell on the uncomfortable feeling that settled across her shoulders; I want him. It is not his right. Why can I not have pleasure? It is dishonourable to everything you hold dear. She flicked her eyes to Aia's. "You...don't wish for children? With your Praetorian?" 

 

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The look in Aia's eyes softened as she smiled.

"I do want a family with him, I think. I just... never saw myself as the mothering type. Maybe it will take a few more years of living as a woman." Decimus would make a good father though. She already knew that.

"If it meant to be, you will find the time. And the place. Or he will." She chuckled. "He seemed to really care about you. That's precious. Some men just want the conquest and their own pleasure."

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Ovinia's own smile softened as well. "Children are a blessing." She nodded. She wanted a whole brood of her own, not just the one or two that were fashionable amongst her friends. She wanted, dreamt of a domus filled with the chatter and babbling of children. It would be a reality one day, but for now she was content to live with the dreams. "And I think you do yourself a disservice. You have educated me far more than my own mother...I think you have it in you." She chuckled a little bit, picking at the fabric of the towel. 

But Aia, it seemed, was not done speaking of topics Ovinia would sooner not dwell on - lest the conflict in her mind ruined her. But her look was soft as he mentioned Lucius seemed to care for her. He did. She could see that now...after their misunderstanding at the wall. She managed a chuckle though and nodded. "I know that type well. I have been flirted with, or groped even at too many parties to count. I think they see any woman as a challenge, no matter what she looks like." She sighed and rested her jaw in her palm. "But I just...it is difficult. I had...been so set on a path. Everything in my life had been building to it - a husband, children, honour, duty. And...now I find myself adrift." 

 

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"Children are a blessing. And I think you do yourself a disservice. You have educated me far more than my own mother...I think you have it in you."

Aia grinned and chuckled, but somehow, Ovinia's words touched her. It was sad to think a mother would not tell these things to her daughter (provided she knew them at all). Maybe, she wouldn't be terrible at it.

"I know that type well. I have been flirted with, or groped even at too many parties to count. I think they see any woman as a challenge, no matter what she looks like. But I just...it is difficult. I had...been so set on a path. Everything in my life had been building to it - a husband, children, honour, duty. And...now I find myself adrift." 

"Because you like him?" Aia ventured. Of course she did. She'd kissed him and everything. Poor baby girl. She had a crush, and no way of turning it into something decent on the long run.

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