All said and done

[Atrice]

He smiled again when she said he took good care of her. Well that's what he wanted, so to know he'd achieved it... and then she leaned back. Such a pity the torch didn't give them very much light, although the way the light danced on her body was extraordinary. She seemed on fire, which she had just been. He couldn't help but reach up and let his hands wander over her body again. He didn't know how long they'd stay here. Alexius wanted to be as near her as he could, for as long as he could.

"I feel more than satisfied. I feel..." He trailed off, looking up at her, "I can't describe it. There's no one like you. My love." He hadn't said it out loud before. Not to her. 

@Chevi

[Chevi]

My love.

Calpurnia's look softened as she looked at him in the flickering light. The look on his face was so open, so sincere. This man. This unlikely man, from a different world, separate from hers. Holding her like he was the only person who really knew her. She leaned in to press a soft kiss to his lips. Someone this honest... deserved good things. His admission sent a shiver down her spine. She'd never imagined someone saying that to her before. From him, it felt natural. "You love me?" She whispered, feeling shy. Which was, given their current position, a little misplaced.

@Atrice

[Atrice]

There really were no one like her. Some women came close, many women were fascinating, interesting, desirable... but Calpurnia touched him in a way they didn't do and made him feel truly happy that he'd pleased her so, that he'd made her feel so good. He was usually happy that he could satisfy them and please them, but usually he felt some kind of pride over it, he took some joy too from making them feel like that. With Calpurnia, it was all about her. It had nothing to do with his pride and everything to do with her.

His love, as he just said. She came closer, kissed him softly. Alexius brushed hair away from her face, looking up at her, "I... yes. I do." Lucius had said it first, as if he knew before Alexius even understood what it was. Ovinia had made him admit it. He inhaled a small breath, "I love you." He loved her and he didn't deserve her. Yet here they were.

@Chevi

[Chevi]

Calpurnia gave Alexius a bright smile, framing his face with her hands. He loved her. It was so strange, so unexpected. Nothing that had been planned for, or expected of, her. And yet, it made her happy. Alexius loved her, and it was not for duty, or rank, or expectations. That was... better, than anything she had in her future as a former Vestal.

"I love you too." she whispered, still smiling, admiring the look in his eyes.

@Atrice

[Atrice]

She was so sweet. The way she touched his face, the way she looked at him... the way she reacted to those magic words. He'd not spoken them to many women. Had he even ever said it to Oriana, a few years back? He'd told her he cared for her. And he thought he'd been in love with her. But he never dared to say it out loud. She was an equite and actively looking for a husband. And she could never accept that he slept around too, although she would with her future husband. It would never have worked out. It had hurt, but... she could never be with him, he knew that now. Which was why it almost seemed stupid that he'd now admitted his love to Calpurnia. She was even further out of reach.

But she loved him too. 

"Then we love each other." Alexius said and pushed himself up to sit, she was still straddling him and he wrapped his arms around her to hold her close to his body. He kissed her again, "Are you sure we can make it work? That you won't be... kept away from me? It's been so long since... since last time we were like this." Which was also something he had to talk to her about, but it felt a bit odd when they were both half-naked and he could feel her skin against his. 

@Chevi

Edited October 9, 2022 by Atrice

[Chevi]

Calpurnia had never been in love before. Sure, she had imagined it, when she was young; even Vestals were only human. But it always seemed like something abstract and far away. And now, she was in a man's arms in an underground cell, and she was in love. 

"Are you sure we can make it work? That you won't be... kept away from me? It's been so long since... since last time we were like this." 

She leaned in, pressing a kiss to his cheep before she got up. Her dress fell down from around her hips, and she started tugging the shoulders back on. "We will make it work" she said. She had no idea how, but they would. "And no one knows there is anyone I need to be kept away from." She added with a small smile.

@Atrice

[Atrice]

He returned the kiss before she stood and he felt cold where she sat before, but he would sit up too. Her dress was still on her body. His breeches were somewhere and the tunic he wore he found on the bench. Calpurnia promised him again they'd make it work and no one knew about him anyway.

"They may still want to find a husband for you. We're both busy. And I don't know how to reach you." Alexius pointed out while he pulled the tunic over his head, "We can't... plan anything. And..." He trailed off, how in the name of Hades did you start talking about these things with her? He didn't want to make the same mistakes he made with Oriana. On the other hand, he did want to be honest with her. She deserved that. Alexius stood and pulled on the breeches and tied them, before he approached her again, "It's hard waiting for so long to be with you. And to never know when it'll happen again." 

@Chevi

[Chevi]

Calpunia smoothed down her dress and re-tied her belt, before she got to work on fixing her hair, letting it down before she could pin it up again. Thank the gods, she had chosen an easy hairstyle this morning. She glanced at Alexius as he listed his worries. They were all valid.

"It's hard waiting for so long to be with you. And to never know when it'll happen again." 

She stilled, looking at him. Calpurnia was an observant woman; she knew he had something more to say. "I know. It is hard." she agreed quietly. "And it will take time to find another way."

@Atrice

[Atrice]

Even in the faint light he could feel her eyes upon him. Alexius reached out for her again, gently stroking her cheek, "It will." He said with a sigh, "And that's why we need to... I mean, I need to talk to you about something. Tell you something." He paused, could she tell this was serious? She was a smart and intelligent woman, she most likely knew that this was not easy for him. She must be able to hear it or sense it or something.

"I did tell you that you're far from my first. I have very strong needs. I am aware of how it sounds and all. And I tried to ignore all of that, because of you. I really did. I don't want to disappoint you. Or to be unfair to you. I don't want you to think you're just another woman I desire. You're not." Alexius inhaled another breath, he found it hard to meet her eyes, hated talking about things. He preferred doing things, but this was not something he could show her. Really he would prefer she was not shown this at all! He would have to tell her... even if it pained him to do so. And it might cause her pain too, but it would not be fair to not tell her the truth, "There have been others, for me... since our last time. It's been so long. With them, it has nothing to do with love. They're not you." Alexius dared to look up at her, "I hope you understand. But I won't love you any less, if you don't." If she was going to walk away and never see him again, at least he had been with her again. At least he had told her how he felt. And at least he told her the truth of it all. He found he almost held his breath, out of fear for her reaction, even though he would understand if it was bad.

@Chevi

Edited October 9, 2022 by Atrice

[Chevi]

 "It will. And that's why we need to... I mean, I need to talk to you about something. Tell you something."

Calpurnia let her hands drop from her hair; she could tell from his voice that this was something serious. Alexius was usually confident, but now he seemed... hesitant.

"I did tell you that you're far from my first. I have very strong needs. I am aware of how it sounds and all. And I tried to ignore all of that, because of you. I really did. I don't want to disappoint you. Or to be unfair to you. I don't want you to think you're just another woman I desire. You're not."

Calpurnia listened. She might have been inexperienced, but she was not naive. She had a good sense of what he was about to tell her, but she allowed him to find the words.

"There have been others, for me... since our last time. It's been so long. With them, it has nothing to do with love. They're not you. I hope you understand. But I won't love you any less, if you don't." 

There was a pang of jealousy in Calpurnia's heart. There had been others. Since he'd known her... he'd been with other women, like he had just been with her. The pleasure and comfort of the past hour were still fresh in her memory; her mind wandered, imagining him with others. He said that had nothing to do with love. Calpurnia knew men said a lot of things. Many people would have called her naive and gullible for believing something like that, and blamed it on her being a former Vestal. 

Calpurnia was not naive.

"You know... I've never been in love before" she said quietly, watching him. "I was never meant to. For the longest time, I was never meant to have any life outside of the temple. I could have stayed there if I wanted to. No one talked to me about love, or men, or marriage. But now... you are here. And you and me, this was never supposed to happen." She sighed, trying to gather her words. "What I am saying is... I know no rules for how to love someone. How to love you. So... it is up to me to decide that." She reached out, taking his hand in hers, and watching their fingers intertwine. "I love you. And this is a part of you. We have so little time together, such a small chance... it would be unfair, to demand things of you that do not make sense."

@Atrice

[Atrice]

She listened to him talk and she didn't say a word while he spoke. Alexius hated talking. But there was no way he could let her know without talking. This was usually how things fell apart for him. He experience with telling the truth to women he liked... well, it wasn't a very good experience. It hadn't been good with any of them. And now he feared it would be the same once more. She'd walk away. She'd tell him she could not stand the thought of him with someone else, and end it right now. And he would still love her and long for her, but he would not be able to do anything about it. She wasn't meant for him anyway. Yet his longing for her had not ceased. 

When he stopped talking, Calpurnia seemed in thought. And he just stood there, feeling like a fool, an idiot who'd disappointed the one person he didn't want to disappoint. Maybe he should never have left his seat at the arena, never have left Didia's side to find Calpurnia when she left, but... he couldn't stop. Didn't want to. He had to be with her. And now he might never again. So many thoughts like those rushed through his mind, he could already see her walk away.

But she didn't. She stayed. Spoke of her time as a priestess, how she didn't know love and then she met him. And they weren't supposed to happen. But she would make up her own mind and he let his fingers intertwine with hers when she took his hand. Saying she would not be unfair to him. Alexius blinked. Fuck the gods, fuck everything. Everything but her. 

He brought her hand to his lips and kissed it, "You are... everything you're not supposed to be." Alexius said with a grin, feeling a pang of happiness flutter within, "How can I... I feel so... grateful. I love you." He moved closer to her, reached for her other hand, "I'll try harder to be fair to you. You deserve nothing less. If only it could be like this forever. Maybe... in nicer surroundings though." He grinned again, plucked a kiss from her lips, "Maybe next time? You spoke of a villa, didn't you?" 

@Chevi

[Chevi]

Alexius looked relieved. Happy. He had been released from some anxiety about telling her the truth. And that made her feel relieved too. He was still the same man. Calpurnia smiled as he kissed her.

"Yes. The villa. I will looking into having it opened for the summer, maybe go spend some time alone there... You could visit. It's far enough from the city."

@Atrice

[Atrice]

He was very relieved, he never expected it to go very well, when he told the truth about himself and his desires. It wasn't that he ever wanted to disappoint women he loved, but he had problems stopping himself, even when he wanted to. His body wanted pleasure and somehow he ended up ignoring what was right or wrong and just gave in. He knew it was a problem. He was well aware of it. And he would just have to work harder to fight the urges, because Calpurnia loved him and she didn't deserve him treating her like that. She really wasn't just another woman he desired. He cared for her. He loved her. And he enjoyed standing here, with their fingers intertwining and her smiling into his kiss, he could feel her doing it. 

But they would need to see each other more often. Else he wasn't sure he could do what he wanted and be fair to her. It was just difficult. They couldn't very well send each other messages or plan anything. Calpurnia spoke of her villa in the summer and how he could visit her. 

"I could." Alexius replied, he liked the idea of just being alone with her, anywhere really, but a villa sounded nice, "You think you can trust your servants and slaves there? To keep quiet?" 

@Chevi

[Chevi]

"I can trust some of them." Calpurnia mulled over the question as she smoothed down her dress and picked up her palla. "It's not a big villa... doesn't need much staff. I can find some whom I can trust. But you'll have to be careful, coming and going." If he was seen visiting her too often, people would definitely start asking questions. Neither of them, after all, had the luxury of blending in easily with the crowds...

@Atrice

[Atrice]

He missed the feeling of her fingers when she smoothed down her dress. Telling him she could trust some of her servants and slaves and she didn't need much staff for the villa. Think that he'd fallen in love with someone who had a villa of her own. Not her father's or her brother's or her husbands. But hers. He nodded at her words while he picked up his belt to tie that around his waist too. At least his hair was not in a disarray. But she might need help with hers. 

"I know I'll have to be careful. And I can be." This wouldn't be the first time he bedded a woman of a higher class. It was just the first time it was a former Vestal whose brother was a former Consul of Rome. Gods, when he thought of it like that, it all sounded so... hopeless. He didn't want it to be.

"Maybe you can send all your servants on errands at certain times?" Alexius suggested, "Or maybe I'll sneak in while the night is dark..." He smiled, although the thought of having to sneak around like that wasn't a thought he liked. He just wanted to be with her. And it was so forbidden. If only she could be his wife.

@Chevi