An awkward call

[Sara]

Horatia felt an ache in her heart that she hadn't for years as her sister blinked up at her with those enormous eyes and tears threatening to fall. She said nothing on the comment on Secundus, but added it to the list of things she knew (and didn't like) about the man, for probing later. Her heartache for her sister fell away though as Livia withdrew her hand and shrugged. Horatia frowned. When had her little sister become so...jaded? And so cruel? She bit back any retort that immediately came to her lips; 'well that is hardly my fault, Livia' or 'perhaps if you showed any interest in interacting with my husband or children you wouldn't feel quite so peripheral'. She was rarely unkind, and she knew it wouldn't serve any purpose but to drive an even bigger wedge between the siblings. 

Instead she sighed and retracted her own hand to her lap. "I never...mean to make you feel like you're not important to me, you know that?" She ducked her head to try and catch Livia's eyes, "Just because of Aulus and the children I'm busy but you're obviously more important than books or...activities." She managed a terse chuckle and straightened a dish which was sat at an odd angle, irritating her. "We won't speak of it, if you don't wish to but..." She sighed, feeling a knot in her stomach as she spoke of things that she'd never, ever spoken of before - even if she did so in a veiled sort of way, "I may understand more than you think. People's lives may very well look perfect when they're not." She retook her wine and had a sip as the silence settled between the sisters. 

"I wonder if Lucius and Publius ever talk like this?" She offered as an olive branch, with an amused smile.

 

TAG: @Liv

[Liv]

Fortunately Horatia had the sense not to counter with some barb of her own, although the impeccable holier-than-thou composure that so irritated Livia was still there. Yet she, too, for the sake of good relations, would refrain from telling her older sister that she did not really believe Horatia understood much at all. If Horatia had ever given birth to a child too small to live and been given the ashes that were all that remained of the husband she loved, she had done a marvellous job of keeping it from the world.

She was not used to advocating for herself, nor would it be desirable for her to - such women were labelled as troublemakers. That role had been their mother's, and should have been Horatia's after the elder Livia's death. But where was Horatia when she had needed her the most? Off gallivanting in the provinces with her posh husband and perfect children. Why hadn't Horatia reasoned with their father? Why hadn't anyone done anything and put a stop to things? The words caught in Livia's throat and she tried to swallow the lump that had formed, eyes fixed on her sister with a mix of resignation and betrayal. "Let us drop the subject for the time being, it's giving me a headache," Livia stated with finality. It wouldn't get better until she had a good cry about it in Aglaea's arms on their way back home.

"I suspect they talk of more masculine things, like what the barbarians are up to in Germania and who's going to be posted where next," she said flatly. And doubtless of what prostitute was the best bang for one's buck and a number of topics that should not reach the ears of decent women. Did they have their spats like Livia and Horatia? Probably, but if so they seemed to recover from them quite quickly, as there had never been visible animosity between them. Still, their brothers had their uses - like now, to keep their sisters conversing civilly. "Gods, it feels like I haven't seen them in ages. I wonder if they keep secrets from us like we do from them."

@Sara

[Sara]

Horatia felt that roll of guilt again in her stomach and then her throat. She only nodded at Livia's instruction that they drop the conversation, but she truly didn't wish to. And she couldn't help - despite the pain she'd inadvertently caused her sister - feeling a little...peeved. Classic Livia  to be so wrapped up in herself that a reference to some previous, unspoken tragedy on Horatia's part was met with utter apathy. For all her sister knew she could have suffered in the provinces, and what did she care? Not a bit. Horatia bit her lip to keep from retorting something along those lines, and played along in the discussion on their brothers. 

"Perhaps you should come to the city a little more, you know father or Publius would be happy  to host you." She replied at the statement she hadn't seen the brothers in years. Well...whose fault was that? She felt that wave of irritation rise again at the reference to secrets and she couldn't help herself. With Livia's monotone voice and utter apathy she arched a brow, "And what secrets do you keep?" She shook her head, "Something isn't right and don't blame it on a headache." She scolded lightly in a tone not unlike her mother used to use. "You cannot sit there and allude to things and then keep them from me. I'm your sister, I love you, I want to help. And, I want to be listened to in my own house and not be subject to an eye roll or a shrug. You're not fourteen anymore Livia, you don't get to have petulant strops. Not anymore." 

She exhaled a breath through her nose and glanced at her sister with cool blue eyes. She hadn't raised her voice, hadn't been cruel but she had been firm. It was only Livia, out of all the people in her life that really knew how to get under her skin and she'd succeeded, yet again. 

 

TAG: @Liv

[Liv]

How easy it was to be Horatia. Everything was a breeze! Come to the city a little more, as if Livia could snap her fingers and instantly be transported from Tibur to Rome, faster than Phaethon's carriage or Mercury with his winged shoes and cap. Publius might be willing to host her for a day or two, but their father, while pleasant enough on the surface, would probably resent her for coming between him and his drink, even for a short time. The urge to roll her eyes was great, but a well-bred matron should not do it in public, and so Livia pursed her lips into a thinner line, looking as though she had bit right into a citron.

Her mood only grew sourer at her sister's insistence that something was up, and Livia briefly contemplated standing up and leaving - some sort of 'oh, look at how low the sun's got, we must be on our way' departure, but that wouldn't work on Horatia, who would undoubtedly pursue the matter again at the next available opportunity. Inward, Livia bristled. What gave Horatia the right to take up the mantle of motherly figure now, when she hadn't cared to do so in years?! Very well, she would not roll her eyes or shrug, but she could still stare daggers at Horatia's stupid stern face, indignation flashing through. Was it secrets she wanted? Then fine, secrets she was going to get!

"You want to help me now? I'm sorry, I fear it's a bit too late for that. You should have helped me two years ago, before Pater had me wed a man who sees enemies lurking round every corner and loses his mind at the drop of a pin, when I was too out of it to even think of objecting to the marriage!" Livia snarled, slightly out of breath and eyes blazing. 

There. She had said it, and now there was no turning back. 

@Sara

[Sara]

Horatia bristled at Livia's glare. What on earth had gotten into her sister? She was not prepared for the answer to that question, as Livia furiously and breathlessly retorted to Horatia's own scolding. Her eyes widened a little and concern over took irritation for a brief moment as she asked quickly; "What on earth do you mean?" She had a suspicion, no man held captive in Germania that came back to civilisation was going to be as before, but she'd never had proof. 

But the tone of her sisters voice was enough for her to not lose that edge immediately and she shook  her head, "I wasn't here Livia, Pater only told me after you were already married," She looked insistently at Livia's face, her tone harsh but concern lurking just beneath, "I wrote to him immediately expressing concern, ask him yourself if you don't believe me, but he didn't ever write back. And what was I supposed to do?" She swallowed, "I couldn't let Aulus go alone to Raetia, he was gone for six years once, I wouldn't waste any more of my life waiting for him and when I heard about Gnaeus," She shook her head, "I was dealing with things that I didn't wish to burden you with. You think you are the only woman in the world to have lost a child, Livia?" She grit her jaw. Her miscarriage in Raetia had been early, but no less upsetting because of it. This was the first time shed ever confirmed it, however, she'd not even overtly told her husband. 

She let out a breath, upset that she had become so riled as to misspeak and reveal a secret she had been harbouring for years. She set down her cup and flexed her fingers, trying to steady herself back into the usual Horatia-esque composure. "I am sorry." She said, finally after a few moments, "That I wasn't here for you, that I couldn't intercede but...I had no choice. I couldn't spend any more of my life sat in this house, waiting for a husband." She let out a breath, "But I didn't know about Secundus and if there is an issue," As evidently there was, "We will fix it. Divorce, separation," She waved a hand, "If he is not...right, let me help now." 

 

TAG: @Liv

[Liv]

Horatia seemed shocked by Livia's outburst, as she should well be. For all of two seconds, at least, before regaining her bearings and shooting off indignant excuses. Wanting to let her sister's words roll right off her back, Livia helped herself to her wine and downed the cup in one go - but the drink hadn't helped. She was too agitated to ignore Horatia's words - and objectively, she knew her sister was right: she couldn't very well have stayed behind to dry Livia's tears  while Aulus' career required that they move to the provinces. Subjectively, though? If Horatia had already endured a six-year period without her husband once, what would a month or two have done? It wasn't as though slaves couldn't tend to his and the children's needs for a while! 

The following admission caught her by surprise. Had Horatia...? It was far from unusual, the midwife had said the first time, and it happened to young and old alike, both first-time mothers and experienced ones. The defiance in Livia's gaze dimmed, though it did not disappear. If it was indeed true, why hadn't Horatia told her? They could have commiserated together. Livia would have known her pain better than anyone. But perhaps Horatia had had no need to, and had got enough support from Aulus and their entourage. Plus, there were Titus and Calpurnia to think about - yes, no child could ever replace another, but they could keep the mind busy enough that there would be less time to dwell on the could-have-beens. Livia did not have that luxury either. So instead of feeling sorry for Horatia over their shared plight, she only resented her sister more.

"Divorce?!" Her tone was mocking, self-deprecating even. "Impossible. What would people say about Pater?" Whilst their father did deserve to have his judgement questioned, best that it be done in private by family than in public by the whole Roman high society. That sort of gossip floating about would also hurt Horatia's husband's reputation, didn't she see it? "Or about me? Who would have me?" she continued, shaking her head. No man of decent name would want her should she separate from Secundus, that was for sure; especially when she had no children to speak of her merits as matron. Her chances to bear them also grew smaller with each passing day and the relentless advance of time. 

Besides... maybe she deserved it all. Maybe this was the way the gods meant for her life to be, and that was that. After all, Livia was no righteous person: she had failed to save her mother that fateful day, failed to keep a child alive in her womb not once but twice, failed to try to produce one for the husband her father hand chosen for her, and failed to at the very least be faithful to him by repeatedly sleeping with his nephew. No, Livia did not deserve help.  Secundus may not be right, but he was right for her. He was just the sort of man Livia merited. She shook her head again, this time more vehemently. "Forget what I said. Every couple has their spats, and I'm still indisposed towards him from our last. I'm afraid I may have regretfully taken it out on you, too. My apologies," she said coldly, holding out her empty cup for a slave to fill.

@Sara

[Sara]

It took all of Horatia's self restraint not to either slap her sister or scold her with all the weight of a woman who had sat silently for years on the periphery. Fortunately for both of them, the older sister had spent most of her youth and adult life crafting and honing that self-restraint and so instead of lashing out she merely sat, eyes hawkishly narrowed, face stony and impassive, watching Livia's outburst with little more reaction than if this was the most natural, dull conversation in the world. When her sister was done, and had made her half-hearted apology, Horatia held out a hand to the slave who was just about to refill Livia's cup; "Add more water to the wine. My sister needs all the senses she has left, she shouldn't pickle them in wine strong enough to sink a ship." 

The slave merely nodded and left to the side to fix the ratio of water to wine as Horatia flicked cool blue eyes back to Livia. She had expected her sisters naivety and her brashness, she hadn't expected her to feel so...mean though. Had Horatia not written letters every day when she could to enquire after her sisters welfare, after the loss of the child and her husband? And here they sat now, Horatia having divulged one of the most intensely private secrets she held - her own miscarriage - and Livia couldn't even summon the energy or politeness to comment on it. How dare she sit there, mumbling a weak-willed apology. How dare she.

She didn't say anything else. She merely sat there, hands folded in her lap, wine abandoned (Livia should take note) - seething and feeling overwhelmingly sorrowful in equal measure. It was spats like this that made her wonder how the two of them could be related, or why she spent as much energy as she did worrying over her younger sibling. But it was also omissions like Livia's about her husband that made that worry increase in leaps and bounds. When the silence had lingered long enough, and Horatia had discretely filed away her anger and her sadness in separate parts of her mind, she glanced once again at her sister. She only said; "You have my help. Whatever you wish to do, and whether you believe me or not. You do." 

 

TAG: @Liv

Edited September 14, 2020 by Sara

[Liv]

Livia let out an indignant sound at her sister's prepotency, conveniently forgetting that Horatia was in her own home and she was but a guest steadily wearing out her welcome. Where did she get off policing her drink? Narrowing her eyes at Horatia, she let the servant fiddle with the wine, but gave a cheeky retort of her own as her cup was refilled with the watered-down drink. "Add more honey to your mistress's wine, it seems its bitterness is seeping into her." She voiced the command without breaking eye contact with her sister, leaving the slave in a pickle as to whether the order should be obeyed or not. But that was not Livia's problem, was it?

She made a show of sipping at the wine, as demurely as a teenage girl, while inwardly seething over the perceived grievances Horatia had inflicted on her. If she hadn't been so nosy and insisted on speaking of things that were better left off alone, they wouldn't be sitting there sour-faced as if they had bitten down on each their lemon. Livia would not be the first to crack and break the uncomfortable silence; the gods knew she did plenty of that at home. So when her sister spoke, she hid a small victorious smile behind her raised cup and took another sip of what resembled purplish water rather than actual wine.

How very like Horatia to extend the olive branch. She was right in that Livia did not quite know whether she believed her older sister or not, but filled with a desire to test that self-proclaimed loyalty, Livia quickly formulated a plan - one that might just see Horatia fall off her seat. "I appreciate it," she stated seriously, training her green eyes on Horatia's icy blue ones for a few seconds before looking down at her feet as if suddenly ashamed of something, and then glancing up again carefully.

"And I may just take you up on that. Would you help me murder my husband?"

@Sara

[Sara]

Horatia merely rolled her eyes at Livia's barb. Honestly, it was something she would have expected from Calpurnia, not an adult woman. The slave flicked her eyes nervously at the pair and Horatia placed a hand over the rim of her cup, signally she didn't wish for any more. She merely kept her eyes on her younger sister as she sipped and seethed and seemed to be, at least in part, mulling over Horatia's sincerely meant offer. When, however, her sister did speak, Horatia choked. 

The slave glanced up - equally as shocked, although the girl composed herself well enough and kept her head down. Horatia ground her jaw, trying to recover. "Rubia, fetch my sisters body slave, I fear she is out of sorts and needs to return to her own domus." The girl nodded hurriedly and quickly placed down the wine jug, leaving the sisters aloe. Just long enough for Horatia to reprimand Livia, and get her out of her hair. She flicked her eyes, now animated and full of fury, back at the petite woman, "What on earth has gotten into you? Do you know what they do to women who murder their husbands? Senatorial husbands?" She choked. She ground her jaw again. Rubia would be a few minutes, and so Horatia ventured forth, "I would help you with anything you asked of me, almost anything, but I won't t-take another person's life." She shook her head, her face now falling into genuine upset, "What's happened to you?" 

 

TAG: @Liv

[Liv]

The shock value Livia had been going for was there, much to her delight, and she broke out into peals of childish laughter whilst Horatia and the slave digested her words. The look on their faces had been priceless, but her sister's reaction had also let Livia know that despite her pretty words, there was a line Horatia would not cross, not even for family. And then she wondered why Livia was so little forthcoming with sharing news, she thought with shrewd bitterness. Ah well - should the day for such an act come, she knew where not to seek any comfort.

When the laughter had subsided just enough for her to get in a few deep breaths in, Livia shook her head, looking amused. "Oh Horatia, you should have seen the look on your face!" She put down her cup and brought a hand up to her chest, still giggling at random intervals. "It was a joke. A joke," she emphasised, prolonging the word as if explaining a difficult concept to a child. "Do you really believe I would do something like that? After what I just said?" Her tone took on an edge of hurt, and she looked at Horatia with what was a good impression of pain shining in her eyes. "If I won't divorce him because of what that would do to everybody's reputation, what makes you think I would risk my life to end his? Do you really think me that stupid?"

She picked up her cup again and downed it in one go, setting it down with a loud 'clunk'. "I grew old, that's what happened," Livia replied with finality. Old and miserable. And likely to remain that why for many years, save for a few moments of fleeting pleasure. Tracing the rim of the cup with her finger, she gave Horatia a morose glance before spotting Aglaea's familiar form entering the room, which made her break into a wobbly smile.

"There you are! My sister tires of me, she does not appreciate my sense of humour!" She exclaimed in a plaintive tone, rising from her seat at the same time. The movement made her dizzy for a second, but soon enough the world had righted itself.

@Echo @Sara

[Echo]

Aglaea had been offered some time off today, and she had started her day off speaking to a handsome fellow named Felix, a member of Horatia and Aulus's household. They had only spoken for a short time, as Aglaea had planned on visiting the market for some time away. But just as she had been setting out, heading toward the street, a young slave rushed out to her, saying that there was something amiss with Livia and Horatia. The Judaean tried to swallow her disappointment and frustration, and followed after the girl. 

As she entered the room, she could feel the tension brewing between the sisters. She forgot to cast her eyes down, instead staring between the two of them in nervous curiosity. What could have gone amiss? But as Livia spoke, part of the problem revealed itself - she was inebriated and Aglaea bit her tongue to stop herself from scolding her in front of her sister. Livia tried to stand, tilting slightly, and Aglaea was at her side in a moment, grasping her arm to steady her. "We should be getting home, domina," she said quietly. "Thank you, domina, for welcoming us into your household," she said to Horatia. "Come along now."

@Sara @Liv

[Sara]

Hell hath no fury like Horatia embarrassed. Her cheeks flushed red as Livia's giggles echoed around the room. Her nails ground into the arms of the wooden chair until she felt splinters prick the skin and lodge themselves under her nails. "You're a foolish, foolish girl Livia." She said in a measured tone, although it was a great struggle not to scream in frustration. "Your jokes aren't funny, what if somebody heard? Other than my slaves?" Her eyes flashed with fury, and as she pulled her fingers away from the chair to rub her temples, they throbbed in pain.

"You need to-" She was interrupted from her lecture by the entrance of Livia's body slave. She cast the woman a derisive glance, irritated and riled now. "I tire of your immaturity, and drunkenness, not you." She retorted as she watched Livia stand with a little wobble. She merely glanced at the slave at her compliment and waved her hand as if to say 'it's nothing', before she approached Livia. She leaned in to kiss her sisters cheek but managed to whisper in her ear before she pulled back. "You need to find peace." She pulled back so her face was close to Livia's and glanced into her eyes for a long, drawn out moment. 

"I'll be seeing you in Tibur." She asserted as she took a step back and began walking to the atrium. "And Alglaea, send word that you've gotten her home safely please? I don't need to spend half the afternoon worrying that she's stumbled drunkenly into the Tiber."

 

TAG: @Liv @Echo

[Liv]

Had it been any other slave than Aglaea to address Livia with such impolite manners, they would find themselves on the market the very next day. As it was, she let her body slave hold her arm and said nothing of the thinly-disguised manoeuvre to both direct and steady her; in fact, she was secretly appreciative of it. It had not really felt like she had drunk that much wine while she had been sitting down, but standing up had revealed the truth of her imbibing. "Yes, it's getting late. I do not wish to stay where I'm not wanted," she stated with a huff, smoothing the front of her stola.

She stood as impassively as she managed, swaying only a little before righting herself against Aglaea's arm, and kissed the air by Horatia's face with a loud smooch, rolling her eyes at her sister's words. Peace was nowhere to be found. She did not even know where to start looking for it, and as Livia returned her sister's unflinching gaze with a hard stare of her own, she concluded it was not hiding anywhere around Horatia. "So you will," Livia retorted in the guise of goodbyes, and with short steps exited the room, as much dragging Aglaea as she was leaning on her.

@Echo @Sara

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