Innocents abroad (Modern day AU)

[Chevi]

"Because I had to! He made a move, Lucius, in front of all of my friends, family, their friends..." 

He certainly had. That asshole. Public proposals were not only cheesy, they were mean, because they played on peer pressure. Who would want to say no to their long-time boyfriend in front of their entire family? No one who had an ounce of empathy in them. It was a trap.

"Besides... Besides, I distinctly do not remember you making any sort of move. If you wanted me to make up my mind for you, you...you could have done something to help." 

Lucius' jaw dropped at the accusation.

"Wh... are you serious?! You mean, besides generally being a caring fucking human being, and taking you on dates, and playing Second Boyfriend?" he stood up, too upset to keep sitting on the couch. "What, you're saying if I had flashed you a ring first, you would have left Jacob?"

Please say no.

@Sara

[Sara]

"Jacob did all of those things to!" She replied, eyes furious but flinging slightly as he stood. She hated confrontation, but she hated being wrong more, and it was slowly dawning on her that maybe, just maybe, she was the one that had broken things. She couldn't abide that, so doubled down on him - eyes back on the gloopy, creamy mess of her coffee. 

"I don't know," She shrugged limply, "Maybe? Maybe I would have? Maybe had you actually seemed uncomfortable with the...arrangement, I would have decided quicker. Jacob would not have played second fiddle to another man, but you did and didn't seem that bothered by it." That was cruel, and mean, but she was trying to claw her way out of a hole that she'd dug herself. "Why should I have chosen you, if you seemed so happy with the way things were?" Because I love you, that's why, Camilla.

 

TAG: @Chevi

[Chevi]

"I don't know. Maybe? Maybe I would have? Maybe had you actually seemed uncomfortable with the...arrangement, I would have decided quicker. Jacob would not have played second fiddle to another man, but you did and didn't seem that bothered by it."

That hurt. Lucius winced back from her as she lashed out. Ever since he'd first stated he was not going to compete against Jacob, they had not been compared to each other, even as a joke. But now, the whole idea was back with a vengeance. Jacob won, because Jacob was more of an alpha. Fucking bullshit.

"Why should I have chosen you, if you seemed so happy with the way things were?"

Lucius looked at her, defeated. Her words managed to stomp over something that had already been shattered to pieces.

"You really don't know." she didn't. She was completely oblivious. Maybe she did deserve Jacob. Maybe they fit better. "You know, you should have paid more attention. How about that? Maybe, maybe you should put in some work for a relationship once, instead of playing princess and making men fight for you like it's the fucking middle ages!"

@Sara

[Sara]

The look in his eyes threatened to break her heart and she swallowed, looking down at her hands on the counter as he talked. The diamond ring glinted, almost threateningly, under the lights of his kitchen and made bile rise up in her throat. How had things become so...broken? 

"That's rich, from you." She retorted but didn't look at him. "I put in some work..." Her voice and the strength of her convictions were weaker now. Maybe she hadn't put in the effort he needed? Maybe she had just let the men in her life buffet her around from one direction to the next? She shook her head, "Maybe I wouldn't need to have men fight over me had either man..." Had either man what? She didn't know what she was saying. It was her fault, that was becoming increasingly obvious. But she genuinely, genuinely believed that Lucius wasn't blameless either. 

"You want Princess Camilla, don't you?" She finally flicked her eyes up to him, anger replaced by upset, "Your uptown, rich, entitled, basic-bitch girlfriend who you can deride with banter, and teach culture to? You wanted the me you could make better, make more like yourself, didn't you?" it was an accusation, and she wasn't sure where it was coming from, but it felt cathartic to say, "Maybe I'm just not that deep Lucius. Maybe I got tired of it." 

What the fuck are you doing, idiot, he makes you happy. 

 

TAG: @Chevi

[Chevi]

"That's rich, from you. I put in some work... Maybe I wouldn't need to have men fight over me had either man..."

"Had what?" what was he supposed to differently? What did he do wrong? It would have been so much easier to know...

"You want Princess Camilla, don't you? Your uptown, rich, entitled, basic-bitch girlfriend who you can deride with banter, and teach culture to? You wanted the me you could make better, make more like yourself, didn't you? Maybe I'm just not that deep Lucius. Maybe I got tired of it." 

Yes, I want her.

"Oooh. As opposed to your other boyfriend making you into the perfect rich republican wife with the diamond ring and the pearls and fake friends?" he snapped. He was angry too. He was going to regret this later. "You are right. Maybe you are not that deep. Excuse me for trying to share things with you that I actually liked. I should have stuck to the Fashionable Things Handbook."

@Sara

[Sara]

She felt wrung out, and would have cried were it not for her pride. As it was, she just kept staring down at her hands, feeling like there was a lead weight on her chest, skin flushing with heat. Things had always been...passionate with Lucius, but this was the first time - and maybe the last time - it would be the wrong sort of passion. 

"I liked it," she admitted with a weary voice and a bite of her lip, "I just..." I just what? "I just need more than that." She finally dragged her eyes back to him, "And I don't want a man that wants me to be something I'm not. Because newsflash for you Lucius, I am the perfect rich republican wife in waiting - I have the diamond, I have the pearls at home in my closet, I have the fake friends." No you're not, you're so much more than that, "And you seem to agree." Maybe you are not that deep. It still stung. She thought it, she didn't want him to agree. 

"What the fuck am I even doing here?" She said as she pushed herself back from the counter. He didn't want her. He wanted a different Camilla, and he wasn't even willing to fight for that Camilla. He was fully prepared to let her go, fully prepared to just lie down and admit defeat. 

 

TAG: @Chevi

[Chevi]

Great, they were both broken now. That had never been the intention. Lucius hated to see her hurting, but at this point, there really was nothing he could do about it. Things would never go back to the way they had been. Even if it took him one hell of a long time to get over her.

"I liked it. I just... I just need more than that. And I don't want a man that wants me to be something I'm not. Because newsflash for you Lucius, I am the perfect rich republican wife in waiting - I have the diamond, I have the pearls at home in my closet, I have the fake friends. And you seem to agree." 

Lucius shook his head slowly. If she was that convinced to see herself that way, there was nothing else to do.

"I never did. But I'm done trying to convince you."

"What the fuck am I even doing here?" 

"... seems like we are saying goodbye."

@Sara

[Sara]

"Yeah." She admitted with watery eyes. She cast a glance around the apartment, as if to take it in for the last time. So many memories, in only six months. Her eyes fell to the pile of clothes on the floor she'd picked out, her bag neatly resting on the arm of his couch; the coffee on the counter in front of her...but she didn't look at him. She could say goodbye to the apartment, but she couldn't say goodbye to him. 

She moved through to pick up her bag, its weight feeling like a cannonball strapped to her ankle, and then turned to face the door. She opened her mouth to speak once, twice, three times but she didn't know what to say. She'd never broken up with somebody before. Relationships had slipped away, turned into friendships, dates had gone bad and never been called again but she'd never felt so...raw, so genuinely heartbroken. It made her feel weak and breathless and all the while a voice rang in her head; what the fuck are you doing? What the fuck are you doing? 

She tried again to speak but felt no words come out. There was nothing she could say that would make this better. Finally she dragged her eyes back up to his; she was crying now and she couldn't stop it. She didn't say anything and instead just shook her head, moving to the door. She swung it open and with a shaky, fortifying breath, left. 

Well. That was it. 

 

TAG: @Chevi

[Chevi]

One year later (give or take)

Sacramento, California

To say that Lucius was bone tired would have been an understatement. It was the new normal since wildfire season hit. There were times when he'd questioned his decision to become a volunteer firefighter out of all things, but the exhaustion was helping, in a way: he literally had no time to deal with anything else. And he'd pass out the moment his head hit the pillow. Which solved a lot of problems by not making space for them at all.

Avoidance was not the only reason he was in California, though. Honestly, once again, Lucius was doing something that helped actual people in an immediate way. It was not a fancy job (or any kinda permanent job, really), but it was doing something useful, and came with a sense of making the world less shitty bit by little bit. And that was good for the soul.

But everything smelled like smoke forever. Including his hair.

It had been a long shift before they finally returned to headquarters at the firehouse and debriefed. Lucius was so tired he'd taken a nap on the couch before getting up to actually make it back to the friend's apartment he was staying in. He showered to wake up and put on his change of clothes (that mysteriously also smelled like smoke by now), and made an effort to make his way back to his bed. From an outside point of view, he probably looked like a disaster. Scruffy would have been a nice way of putting it. Luckily, the apartment was not that far.

He was so intent on covering the distance between work and sleep than he almost ran into a pedestrian on the sidewalk. Dammit, Lucius.

"'scuse me."

@Sara

[Sara]

Well. Here she was. Sacramento - she decided - was not her favourite new holiday destination. Venice Beach, she liked, even Yosemite (bugs excluded) she liked, San Francisco was fun as was Baja (was that even in California, or was it Mexico? She couldn't recall). It was built up and grey to her, and not even on the coast but she'd heard about the fires that were ravaging the hills - everybody had, and it didn't surprise her that he was here...but it did make it more difficult  to formulate an excuse as to why she was here. Fortunately she'd been planning that on the plane ride over. 

But now she was waiting for him she felt another roll of nerves in her stomach. She'd been here for just over an hour - the iced coffee she had bought and had been sipping was now a warm mix of soy milk and sugar in her cup - and he still hadn't made an appearance. Maybe that was a sign, maybe she should just leave. 

And then she saw him head out - although it took a moment to register that it was actually him. He looked dishevelled, and she suddenly regretted putting in so much time on her own appearance this morning. She almost bottled it and turned round to walk away but he was coming right at her and there would be no time without making it obvious. But then he didn't recognise her. Granted she'd cut her hair, and was wearing sunglasses but did she really look so different? Classic Camilla - thinking it was her, not the fact he was clearly not paying attention. 

As he almost brushed into her she had to make a decision and for once, she bit the bullet. "No problem," She replied and moved as if she was going to carry on walking. She was an accomplished musician, but not so much an actress but nonetheless tried to feign surprise; "Lucius?" A fake quizzical frown creased her brow and she stopped in her tracks, heart pounding in her chest. "What...are you doing here?" 

 

TAG: @Chevi

[Chevi]

Damn, he really was tired if he was running into random people. Luckily, he pulled up short just in time so they could both go their separate way... 

"Lucius?... What...are you doing here?" 

No. Way.

Lucius froze, turning back to look at her. It took him a moment, with the hair and the glasses. But there was no mistaking the voice. Or the necklace.

That damn necklace.

"Camilla?..." What the hell was she doing here? He'd run across the country and into literal fire to avoid encounters like this. He was either just really, really hated by the gods, or... "What are you doing here?"

She looked... off. Nervous? Scared? He glanced around. No Jacob. Why the hell was she in Sacramento? It wasn't a very good holiday spot this time of the year. Was she...? Lucius' face changed to a look of concern.

"Is everything alright?"

@Sara

[Sara]

That was better than expected. Much like she had done in happier times, when she'd imagined scenes and scenarios in her head of their weekends away and nights together, she'd imagined and dreamt what would happen here. Sometimes he angrily stormed away at first sight, other times he pulled her into his arms immediately and kissed her. But she'd take an in-between, suspicious look and a concerned question. That was better than nothing. 

She stumbled for words, which was good, perhaps it made it look more real. "Yeah, yeah I'm fine." She let out a breathless little laugh and fidgeted with the cup in her hand, "I...was not expecting to see you, here of all places." Liar, liar, liar. Not being a consummate actress, she decided to launch straight into her explanation; "I was supposed to be flying into San Francisco but we got diverted into Sacremento because of the fires," She cleared her throat and was grateful he couldn't see how she stared at him given the sunglasses, "I've been trying to organise a hire car all day but they're all booked up. What...what are you doing here?" 

 

TAG: @Chevi

[Chevi]

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine. I...was not expecting to see you, here of all places."

Wasn't she? She certainly sounded awkward enough. But what were the odds? Lucius stared at her, not sure how he was supposed to react. It was hard to have a conversation while she had sunglasses on. He needed to see her eyes.

"I was supposed to be flying into San Francisco but we got diverted into Sacremento because of the fires. I've been trying to organise a hire car all day but they're all booked up. What...what are you doing here?" 

"Uh...huh." well, that was... likely? Maybe? "I'm... here because of the fires." he answered finally, pointing with his thumb at the firehouse behind him. "Volunteer firefighter."

@Sara

[Sara]

"Ah yes," She gave another nervous little laugh, "I should have guessed...where there's chaos, there's Lucius." She realised that sounded bad and hurriedly shook her head, "I mean, you like to help, that is." He'd certainly helped her, but she just hadn't realised it until much later. 

He looked exhausted and she regretted lurking here. It was unfair to harass him, and maybe it was even unfair that she'd come at all? For all she knew he'd moved on, got a new girlfriend and a new life in the California sun. Her internet sleuthing that had led her here, hadn't been very conclusive on that. 

She sipped her coffee to give herself something to do rather than stand there like an idiot, nervously smiling at him. It tasted rank and she tried to disguise the wrinkle of her nose. 

Ask him for coffee. "I...uh," Ask him, you idiot, "Um," She bottled it at the last second and breezed into a polite but bland question instead, "Do you enjoy the job?" 

 

TAG: @Chevi

[Chevi]

 "I...uh. Um. Do you enjoy the job?" 

Lucius let out a little laugh. At least she was not in any way more comfortable about this than he was. It was becoming more and more likely that she did not want to run into him at all. It just worked out that way.

"You know me. It's something useful to do." Far away from home. An added bonus. Lucius glanced around. There was really no playbook for conversations like this.

"Are you... traveling alone?"

Don't even go there, you idiot.

@Sara

[Sara]

She smiled politely and nodded. It was...very him. She hadn't been surprised at all when her brother had told her (he'd heard it through others of course, news travelled fast in their social group). But the work was clearly taking a toll on him, and she felt a wave of worry for him ripple through her veins. 

The question didn't surprise her, but it did excite her. Was he asking because he was afraid her fiancé - ex-fiancé - was about to jump out of the bushes to batter him? Or because he was curious. She hoped it was the latter, and replied with a gentle - if slightly coy - smile; "Yeah. Post graduation treat for myself, it was supposed to be a month, maybe more - San Francisco for a bit, then I hadn't booked anything but wanted to go to Yosemite and LA and maybe stop at a few towns on the way." She'd actually booked a one way ticket out here, direct to Sacremento, but if this all went completely wrong then she'd try and do part of the holiday. 

"I'm trying to be a bit more...relaxed, so haven't planned it much..." She admitted - wondering if she was pushing the conversation too far too soon, "Would you believe this is the only solo holiday I've ever done? Besides Italy." Which wasn't really a solo holiday given she was visited by however many friends of the family, and had her course mates.

 

TAG: @Chevi

Edited July 9, 2021 by Sara

[Chevi]

Holiday. She was traveling alone, post graduation. What did Jacob think of that, Lucius wondered, but he knew better than to ask. He did not want to hear about her fiance at all.

There was no graceful way out of this. On the one hand, seeing her made his heart feel warmth... on the other hand, he knew that was a sign he needed to get away asap.

"Well... I hope it will be a good one. Just stay away from the fires. There might be evacuations in the next few days." 

@Sara

[Sara]

She saw him pull away, and her brain willed her to act before she could think about it and she blurted out with; "Do you want to get coffee?" Well, no going back now then. 

She was not a woman who asked men out. Reflecting on it later, she was pretty sure this was the only time she'd ever done it. Money, looks and confidence meant she had men that asked her out sure, but it'd never been the other way around. Did all the guys she dated feel this sick with nerves when they did it? Probably not. They probably hadn't loved her when they asked her out for brunch or drinks. 

"I...looks like I'm not getting out of here today, so I could do tomorrow if that's better?" She didn't even really care how desperate she probably sounded, she wasn't going to let him slip through her fingers. But to counter it, a wry smile tugged at her lips; "And do I not get a 'congratulations Camilla' for graduating?" That was better, that was more like her.

 

TAG: @Chevi

[Chevi]

 "Do you want to get coffee?... I...looks like I'm not getting out of here today, so I could do tomorrow if that's better?" 

No. He really didn't want to. It already took a lot out of him to navigate this exchange, and he was exhausted. Why was she asking anyway? Trying to be civil? Pretend they were friends?...

"And do I not get a 'congratulations Camilla' for graduating?"

Of course. Lucius sighed. He was beginning to forget what she was like when she was feeling off balance.

"Congratulations." He nodded. She had graduated. Good for her. He paused, looking at her. "Anything else I should be congratulating you on?" Wasn't it wedding time soon? He'd been off social media for a reason, but by moderate estimate it had been long enough...

@Sara

[Sara]

He didn't say anything and she felt her heart sink. Maybe it was just a bad time? Maybe she should have called ahead? Maybe you need to leave the poor man alone. 

She noted the tension in his words and the way he paused, studying her. The ring was still on a finger, but on the other hand. Jacob hadn't wanted it back and as she'd learned to her annoyance - engagement rings, even ones with diamonds of a monstrous size, depreciate in value the second they're bought. It was a waste to sell it, and it seemed ludicrous to throw it away or leave it sitting in a drawer to be stolen or forgotten about, so now it sat on the other hand. 

"No." She said tightly, with an awkward little shrug. "There's a reason I'm in California alone." Namely - I'm single and have been for months. Feeling awkward standing on the side of the street, she shifted her weight between her feet. "So, coffee? I'll give you all the gossip?" She was an insistent woman and hadn't flown hours here to a smoke filled city she didn't know, just to be told no on a sidewalk.

 

TAG: @Chevi

[Chevi]

"No. There's a reason I'm in California alone." 

His heart jumped at the realization. Traitor. This really was a bad idea, all of it. He had thought about moments like this before. Whenever he couldn't help it. But in reality...

"So, coffee? I'll give you all the gossip?"

Lucius let out another little laugh, and shook his head.

"No. Oh no, we are not doing this. I'm not your post-fiance rebound, princess. I can't."

@Sara

[Sara]

Princess. She felt her heart flutter and something grip her insides. God she'd missed being called that. She shook her head, in a gesture that would have - pre-haircut - tossed her hair over her shoulder. 

"I didn't mean it like that." She countered, yes you did, "I didn't even know you'd be here," Yes you did "It's just coffee." No it isn't. She tossed her warm-iced coffee into a trashcan a few feet away. Largely incapable of understanding why he wouldn't want to see her - as that would require more self-perception than she currently possessed - she ventured further, trying to reignite some banter that she'd been craving for months - years, really. "You're very self-involved, aren't you Lucius? Thinking that's all I'd want you for. You should give modesty a go, for once." She offered a grin to the tired, dishevelled looking man opposite her.

 

TAG: @Chevi

Edited July 9, 2021 by Sara

[Chevi]

"I didn't mean it like that. I didn't even know you'd be here. It's just coffee." 

No it wasn't. Lucius was less and less convinced that she was here by accident at all. Not with Jacob, but still wearing the ring. Wanting to talk. 

 "You're very self-involved, aren't you Lucius? Thinking that's all I'd want you for. You should give modesty a go, for once." 

"Look who's talking" he shot back, but it was half-hearted at best. She wanted something,  he was just not sure what it was. "...You'renot gonna leave, are you."

@Sara

[Sara]

Well, this was progress? Maybe? A little bit? She was reaching, but she wasn't going to take a flat out no for an answer. She had been stubborn her whole life, thanks to the world of privilege she had been reared in. 

"I'll leave for now if you want?" She offered, as a compromise, a smile playing on her lips, "You look like you're about to fall down anyway. But as I said, I'll be here for a few days until I can get a car or another flight, so I can pick you up for coffee tomorrow. Where do you live now?" There she was; Camilla the steamroller, she'd made a plan and she wanted him to fit right in with it. Had she had more self-awareness, she would have realised that's what she'd done when they were together, and what she'd done when they'd broken up; she had set the parameters and expected him to fall straight into line. 

 

TAG: @Chevi

[Chevi]

Nope, she was not leaving. The city, anyway. She was willing to let him go and sleep, but she was still determined about the coffee. What did she want?

"I need a drink." Lucius decided, letting out a long sigh. There was no way he was going to wait a whole night to sit awkwardly in some quaint little cafe and talk to his ex. He turned to head towards the bar nearby he tended to frequent. "Take it or leave it."

@Sara