All's fair in love and war [M]

[Sara]

She gave him a glare as he told her not to use that word. But he doesn't mind it so much when he has friends over, her mind replied but she didn't bother to spit that accusation at him. He knew it just as well as she did, judging by the look on his face. 

"I don't know," She scoffed and folded her arms across her chest defiantly, jaw tensed, "Try and act like I'm not asking for the world on a platter. Try and make me feel normal for wanting some hair pins, not ruin the holiday, maybe?" 

 

TAG: @Chevi

[Chevi]

"I'm acting like..." Lucius gaped. Once again, Ovinia's mind had gone to place that was nowhere near what he was thinking, and in true Ovinia fashion, she was already pissy about it. It was stunning, how she could do that so far.

"I would give you the damn hair pins!" he growled, folding his arms to glare at her across the room. "I'd give you whatever you ask for, and somehow you still think that about me? Gods, Ovinia! I'm not going to apologize for being scared that they'll take you away for some damn jewelry!"

He huffed, turning back to the door again. 

@Sara

[Sara]

She choked with an even fiercer glare; "And I don't need to you to be scared for me!" She pushed herself up out of the bed to a yowl from Typhon and padded over to her own little room, "I can look after myself and can hide some fu-, damn hair pins from view when I need to!" She unceremoniously pulled back the curtain and then shut herself in, not bothering to see if he actually had left the room. Which, it turned out some time later when she finally retreated from her little box room, he had. 

She had wanted to lounge and enjoy her day and had plans, but they had been promptly soured by the argument. Instead of taking her leisure in the baths of the domus or his bed, she instead petulantly spent the rest of the morning and afternoon in the kitchen. She did nothing of note; some reorganising and tallying up the stock on the tablet the kitchen servant had for that use. She swept behind pots and sat at the small table, playing with Typhon, purposefully sequestering herself away. The few servants that came back and forth from the domus in their own celebration gave her curious looks but she waved them on dejectedly. 

By the time dinner rolled around and she knew Lucius - if he was in a mood to socialise - would be clattering in trying to make a meal, she withdrew from the kitchens into one of the spare cubiculum's with her broom, sweeping and dragging dust around that her cat inevitably played with. 

 

TAG: @Chevi

[Chevi]

It was getting close to dinnertime by the time Marius found Ovinia dusting around in one of the rooms. He usually did not make it his business to seek her out, especially since she had been sharing the master's bed; their relationship had mellowed over time, with Marius lowering his expectations, and also having quiet empathy for the girl and her story. Especially after seeing her truly upset at Lucius' bed, after his accident.

But now, he meant business.

"Ovinia?" he called to her from the door, keeping a careful distance from the cat. "What the hell have you said to the dominus?"

@Sara

[Sara]

She glanced over her shoulder dispassionately at Marius and then shrugged. "Nothing." She went back to her sweeping, Typhon the cat batting the broom every time she moved it. She didn't;'t want to ask but found herself nonetheless, saying; "Why?" 

She turned her back to him to continue to sweep, irritated at herself that she should care. Her day had been ruined, and she was off worried about him. Pathetic, Ovinia. "Why are you here anyway?" She called over her shoulder, "No other freedman to celebrate Saturnalia with?" 

 

TAG: @Chevi

[Chevi]

"Nothing. Why?" 

"Clearly it wasn't nothing." Marius pointed out with a frown, deepened by Ovinia's nonchalant attitude. Any other time he would have been grateful that she was doing housework. Even though she was doing it badly.

"Why are you here anyway? No other freedman to celebrate Saturnalia with?" 

"You are new here so you don't know. And I don't think you care. But the first evening of Saturnalia, we have dinner together. Except, I think you might have ruined it."

@Sara

[Sara]

She stiffened, shoulders tensing. Typhon was none the wiser and got under her feet as she turned round to look at Marius, curious. "Come again, Marius?" She wasn't used to being chided by people she considered her social inferior and so always took it badly. She took it especially badly because she had a knot of dread in her stomach that she actually had done something wrong this time. 

No. He was being a prick. All you wanted was some hairpins and not to be treated like a child.  

"Care to explain?" 

 

TAG: @Chevi

[Chevi]

Now he had her attention. Good. Marius was still not sure how to behave around someone who was raised as nobility was supposed to be treated as a slave. And however he decided to behave, it was never what she expected anyway. This was an unusual household by any standard, but she was not making things any easier.

"Well, while you have been sulking all over the place, the dominus is supposed to be making the dinner. Saturnalia tradition. But I would be astonished if any of it came out halfway edible. Whatever has happened, it has him completely turned around."

@Sara

[Sara]

"That is not my problem." She snapped and folded her arms across her chest, glaring at him imperiously. If Lucius was feeling salty because he was in the wrong, that was his prerogative. Their stupid spat had ruined her day, so she thought it only right that it ruined the dinner as well. It seemed fitting for a terrible start to a terrible Saturnalia. 

"You can tell him I won't be at dinner." She shrugged and turned back around, resuming her sweeping. "Make up whatever excuse you see fitting." 

 

TAG: @Chevi

[Chevi]

"That is not my problem." 

Marius swore under his breath in a language only he understood.

"You can tell him I won't be at dinner. Make up whatever excuse you see fitting." 

Marius' eyes flashed, but he took a deep breath, stepping around the cat to look Ovinia in the eyes.

"You are going to listen, because I am only going to say this once." he said firmly, folding his arms "Dominus is not angry at you, you stupid girl, he is sad. Which is way worse." Marius, for all his flaws, cared for Lucius, and it showed. He was also exasperated with Ovinia, and that also showed. "So far, I have given you the benefit of the doubt, because I have never seen him this happy before. But. He has a good heart, and he gives way more than he should. To all of us. So. If you are playing this cruel little game with him to get privileges in this house, if you decide to make him sad, because it benefits you, then I will personally make sure you are thrown back to wherever they dragged you here from."

@Sara

[Sara]

Ovinia flinched but did pay attention as Marius chided her. Few people ever, in her life, had told her off - few had the privilege to do so, but now facing Marius' wrath she felt like the girl standing in front of the stone desk in her fathers tablinum, waiting for a tirade. She inhaled a fortifying breath and shrank.

"I'm not doing anything," She protested with an upset choke that she was sure reverberated well outside of the confines of the room they were standing in. He was not the only one that had been happy, which made this little argument that was spiralling, much worse. "I-I only asked for some hairpins." She swallowed and threw her loose, raggedy braid over her shoulder as if to emphasise the point, "And he said I could have cheap ones." It sounded so pathetic, really, but was symbolic of a much larger problem, "He doesn't trust me to know when I should and shouldn't wear them, that I don't know how to keep myself safe - as if I want to get dragged off to Gods knows where." She was getting upset but took a calming breath, steeling herself. "But I'll stick to his rules and his game, and I won't ever get nice things again and I'll live with it, but I'm not feeling particularly like celebrating Saturnalia and pretending to have everything I've lost so," She exhaled sharply through her nose, "If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go back to cleaning and then I'm going to go to sleep and wake up and do it all over again, every day, for the rest of my life because I can't be trusted to know my new position in society." She shoved the broom at his feet, as if to emphasise her point.

"I'm not the one playing games here Marius." She shook her head and turned her back to him.

 

TAG: @Chevi 

[Chevi]

"I'm not doing anything. I-I only asked for some hairpins. And he said I could have cheap ones."

Marius opened his mouth to point out the obvious, but Ovinia barreled on. Apparently, it was obvious to her too, she just... did not care?

"He doesn't trust me to know when I should and shouldn't wear them, that I don't know how to keep myself safe - as if I want to get dragged off to Gods knows where."

"But I'll stick to his rules and his game, and I won't ever get nice things again and I'll live with it, but I'm not feeling particularly like celebrating Saturnalia and pretending to have everything I've lost so. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go back to cleaning and then I'm going to go to sleep and wake up and do it all over again, every day, for the rest of my life because I can't be trusted to know my new position in society." 

She had lost a lot. She had lost everything, truly - family, nobility, wealth, everything. Marius knew what some of that felt like, he knew it would take time. But her pain was blinding her to other things, and if it came down to taking sides, Marius knew whose side he was on.

"I'm not the one playing games here Marius."  

"Apparently not. You are just being plain dumb." Marous snapped. "You can miss your, your hair things, and your jewelry, and your scents and silks all day all you want. None of that is coming back, and guess what, none of that is our fault. Not mine, and definitely not the dominus'." he huffed. He marched back to the door, but could not leave just yet. "The gods help us all, that man is just as stupid as you are, because he loves you. And you are too busy mourning your hairpins to see how goddamn big a deal that is. But really, go ahead, mope for the rest of your life. Punishing him will make you feel a lot better."

With that, Marius marched out.

[Sara]

Ovinia didn't say anything, stunned into silence and feeling like she wanted the ground to swallow her up. She didn't know what to think, or where her thoughts should go first and so she watched him leave with an expression filled with sorrow and anger and grief and everything else that had filled her complicated life over the last eight or so months since she'd been in this Godforsaken house.

The first thought that came into her head was; the hairpins are just a metaphor, Marius, you idiot. The second thought was something much more discomfiting. She hadn't ever experienced love before, not really, not properly. She read about how it was supposed to feel in her scrolls and had heard from friends but it had never really made sense to her. She hadn't anticipated that it would build in the slow glances or the lingering touches or the chaste kisses after a busy day, before dinner. She had certainly never imagined it would grow between a noble turned slave and the man that owned her. He might well love her, she thought. She didn't know how she felt. Every time she dwelled on it she felt almost as if she had to physically flee - it was too overwhelming to comprehend, and so she didn't - she locked it away and went through the motions instead.

It's what she needed to do now. Lock it away, don't think about it. She hadn't realised before Marius had come marching in here just how close she was to the fire but now it had burned her. The bed and the cat and the laughs and kisses had tempted her to think that her life was once again on the up; that things could be different, just if she loved somebody. But that wasn't it. Even if she did love somebody and he loved her in return, she would still just be a slave to clean and tidy and serve drinks to guests who mocked her and pressed their hands into her waist or breasts when Lucius wasn't looking. That he loved her was almost heartbreaking when it meant, practically, that it would give her hope for something she could never have. 

Still, Marius had made one point and that was she was making this much harder for everybody, herself and Lucius included. With a shaky breath she smoothed down the rough tunica she was wearing and forced herself to walk to the triclinium where murmured, awkward laughs were being shared and she could hear the clinking of wine cups. She felt like she was going to cry. She didn't though, and instead she silently slipped in and joined the couch of two of the freedwomen who usually worked in the kitchens. They were drinking and talking animatedly to each other, but they both spared her a glance and passed her a cup of wine. Which she sorely needed. She didn't look Lucius' way as he came out of the kitchens, baring platters of food.

 

TAG: @Chevi

[Chevi]

Lucius had been distracted enough that the food was... definitely not one of his best work. The fact that no one seemed to complain or make jokes about it at all made it worse, because he could feel the pity almost tangible in the air. Especially since doing all that work with one arm still weak and limited was still very exhausting.

He manages to balance the trays so that he was mostly holding them on one side, and made it to the tables just fine. Everyone made compliments about the food, but there was an awkwardness in the air that had not been there on earlier Saturnalias. He noticed Ovinia slipping in and taking a seat, but she did not look his way at all, and Lucius did his best not to look at her too. He did, however, catch Marius glaring at her. Something must have happened.

It was all fine and dandy until the dinner ended. There were meats, and pastries, and soups, and delicacies. Lucius used to love this part of Saturnalia, and he still smiled occasionally as the wine was drunk and the mood lifted a little. He refilled the cups often, until the freedmen all decided to go to bed, or go out to celebrate around the city. Lucius handed them their gifts, and smiled as he watched them go. Cleaning up, just like the cooking, was his task for this one night of the yeat.

@Sara

[Sara]

The dinner had been one of the most painful things Ovinia had sat through, and she'd sat through a potential husband grilling her about the regularity of her cycles and how much she thought she took after her mother, who had born four healthy sons. Still - she offered smiles to those that gave them to her, and picked at the food and sipped her wine. She even didn't shrug off the wreath that was put on her head. Or not immediately, in any case. 

But people slowly drifted away, to bed or into the city until there was just a handful left, milling about and talking. Even they looked like they were off though and finding the thought that it would just be her and Lucius left, and selfishly wanting to put the conversation off as long as possible, she began stacking the platters of food and wine cups left on the table, balancing them as past as she could. She saw him move to tidy and shook her head, eyes down. "I can do it. You cooked, you should rest your arm." 

 

TAG: @Chevi

[Chevi]

Lucius was not sure what to say to Ovinia. He felt like apologizing, but wasn't sure for what; he also felt like she should apologize, but wasn't sure it was fair, either. So, he remained quiet, picking up after the dinner. He was surprised that she stayed too.

"I can do it. You cooked, you should rest your arm." 

"You shouldn't no house work today." he muttered, balancing a stack of plates in one hand. "you are free to go out with the others."

@Sara

[Sara]

"I don't mind." She said with a limp little shrug and continued to stack the plates and cups in neat piles so she could ferry them back to the kitchens later. "I don't want to go out." She'd rather stick pins in her eyes, she wanted to add.

She worked silently for a few minutes, running plates back and forward to the kitchens as the sounds of Saturnalia echoed from the streets outside of the house, into the gardens and into the rooms. She dodged and weaved Lucius following suit - stepping through different rooms and taking different routes to avoid him until all of the plates were deposited in the kitchen and she set to work wiping down the table with a damp rag, collecting the crumbs in her palm for the birds later. She felt a presence in the room, but didn't turn around, instead working diligently, sadly on her task. She knew she couldn't avoid him forever, and she knew it wasn't fair too, she just wanted a few more moments before she irrevocably ruined everything. 

But the longer she tried to leave it, to savour the peace, the worse the weight of guilt and anxiety felt in her stomach. Swallowing, she finally turned on her heels to face him and let out a deep sigh, shaking her head. "I'm sorry. For what I said, for how I acted this morning." She bit the inside of her cheek briefly, summoning strength before continuing hurriedly. "But I think it's shown me...shown us, that...this...doesn't work. I...I'll care for you, and I am grateful, so grateful for what you've done," Not molested me. Loved me. "But...I can't...I can't keep living a life on the line between slave and free; happy and sad, hopeful and...not." She winced, wishing she'd practiced this speech in her head. "I...I think we should...I think I should just be a slave." She swallowed, "And you should just be my master. And that should be it." 

 

TAG: @Chevi

[Chevi]

She did not want to go out. Of course. She still worried about her attackers, who had eluded the vigiles so far, although Lucius had heard rumors that they had left the city. They cleaned up in awkward silence. He wished he knew what to say to her, but in the end, she spoke first.

"I'm sorry. For what I said, for how I acted this morning. But I think it's shown me...shown us, that...this...doesn't work. I...I'll care for you, and I am grateful, so grateful for what you've done," 

Lucius' heart sank as he looked at her. She was serious. Don't do this.

"But...I can't...I can't keep living a life on the line between slave and free; happy and sad, hopeful and...not. I...I think we should...I think I should just be a slave. And you should just be my master. And that should be it." 

He wanted to beg her. Lucius was not a man to beg for anything in his life, but Ovinia's words had cut him deep. He watched her, quietly, for a long time. She had the right to do this. She was probably right in doing this. Their standing in life was never going to change, and she had everything to lose. It was one choice that she was still allowed to make. And while he had the right to refuse her, he was not going to. Even though it hurt more than he'd have imagined.

"Very well." he said finally, though the look in his eyes spoke volumes. "If you think that's best... I accept it."

This Saturnalia was not going to be a joyful one.

@Sara

[Sara]

June, six months later 

The early summer heat was blistering and the villa was a haven she hadn't expected. She had wanted out of the city almost since this all began and now she was finally free of it, almost a year to the day that she'd come into this life, it was impossible to describe. She had hated the countryside and the quietness of her family's own villa when she was a youth, but now she cherished it, walking through the rows of flowers and the orchards when she could spare the time, feeling the sun on the skin in a way she never did when she tried to keep her complexion light, when she had a reason to do so. That reason was long gone now though, but she was slowly, softly trying to find the joy in life again. 

The first six months of her time in Lucius' domus had been spent, by her own admission, bending the rules. She had never felt like a proper slave; he had certainly never treated her like one, nor had many of the servants - unsure and unsteady around a woman that used to run her own home. But since that Saturnalia feast things had changed, and changed markedly. She no longer slept in his room, but more than that, had fundamentally very little to do with him; passing off his rehabilitation to Marius, and keeping firmly out of the way of guests and clients. She was silent, eyes downcast, ferrying messages and cleaning and tending to the gardens and all the chores the servants didn't want to do. She was a slave.

The adjustment at first had been painful and frustrating and she oscillated between relief at finally accepting her new life, and pain that she had let  go of something, of somebody that had brought her happiness. Whenever those thoughts cropped up though, she shut them down. It would have just hurt more in the long run. She told herself. Or; what if he married? What would you have done? Most recently it was; you can never go back, you needed to accept that. She almost believed it, if she thought on it long enough; but seeing him always brought a surge of regret and anxiety; it was why she largely kept herself sequestered away. Here at the villa there were, fortunately, more opportunities for escape. 

Typhon was curled up next to her, lounging in the late sun as she sat cross-legged on the grass out of the back of the villa, scrubbing at the apples that the other slaves had picked. That had also been a benefit of being here; she suddenly wasn't alone. The epidemic had forced them out of Rome two weeks ago, but she'd already found companionship in a trio of girls that slept in her dormitory and toiled on the farm attached to the villa. She had friends, for the first time in a year. It felt almost miraculous. 

She hummed to herself as she scrubbed the fruit clean, concentrating on her work, unaware of footsteps approaching. It was nearly sunset, but the day was still warm and the light golden and beautiful and she felt...content.

 

 

TAG: @Chevi

[Chevi]

Things had... settled. Not improved, exactly, as Lucius still felt a dull ache about it all, but at least they had managed to reach some kind of new normal around the house. Ovinia got her wish, a small cubiculum of her own so that she did not sleep next to him anymore, and the exercises had been taken over by Marius. As summer arrived, and the city started to suffer from the heat, Lucius was allowed some leave to take his household to the villa. Once again, sickness was all around Rome. He would have to be back soon enough, to watch over the city.

Ovinia seemed to take to the villa with surprising ease. There was more space, more fresh air; she could disappear if she wanted to, walking the gardens, or quietly moving about the other slaves and servants. Lucius' sister had not arrived yet, so it was just the villa's staff and his own household for now. Ovinia seemed healthier now, with some color in her cheeks, and also more at ease, even around Lucius. As for him, his arm had improved, although it would never be quite the same again, and he insisted on taking part in some work around the gardens. Right now, that entailed picking some of the early apples.

It was late in the afternoon when he carried a basket over to Ovinia. He also had some color from the sun in his cheeks, and leafs in his hair, but he liked both of those things. The apples were ripe and crisp, and he was biting into one as he approached Ovinia. He was just supposed to hand the basket over, but the moment just felt... peaceful. He smiled a little.

"You look like you are enjoying the fresh air."

@Sara

[Sara]

She had been expecting to see one of the tall, gangly youths that worked in the orchards and so his particular voice made her jump. She blinked up at him before dropping her eyes back down to the apples she was cleaning and her cat, curled next to her. She'd walked him the whole way to the villa in a bag on her hip and still bore the healing scratches on her arm as a testament to it. 

She offered with a neutral smile, but stopped her work, fingers awkwardly hesitating in the small pail of water she was cleaning the apples in, debating what to do. She'd rather he were not here, and if he had to be she would have rather asked him if there was anything she could fetch for him, or anything she could do. It had taken her almost six months to learn how to be a proper slave, to try and forget the 'before' part of her life, and she hated moments where it felt awkward again. But the sun was warming her skin, Typhoon was purring soundly and Lucius seemed...relaxed. It would be a shame, she considered, to ruin it with an awkward; 'yes, domine'. 

Instead, she shrugged lightly and sat back a little. "So do you." She glanced up and her smile became a hint warmer, but the pull of anxiety and...something deepened low in her chest. "Your villa is beautiful." That was a neutral topic, wasn't it? 

 

TAG: @Chevi

[Chevi]

"I love it here" he nodded with a genuine smile. "This is where I grew up, but in the past few years... haven't had much time to spend here."

There was a silver lining to everything. In this case, the cruel summers in the city of Rome. He had a few weeks to spare now, and he intended to make the most of it.

Lucius placed the basket next to the others.

"Try the apples. They are really good."

@Sara

[Sara]

She could imagine him here, in his youth, a hellion running riot around the orchards and fields and down to the beach she had been told was a short walk away. She stopped that thought right in its tracks with a cough. She shouldn't be thinking about him, and she shouldn't be thinking about leisure time. Instead, she resumed her work, scrubbing apples - expecting him to leave. He didn't. 

She looked at the one she was holding dumbly for a moment and nodded, setting it aside near Typhon. "I will, later." She glanced up at him with a smile, stilling her work again and annoyed he'd interrupted her. She strove not to let it show, but she was still Ovinia. It was merely that her rage was now being channelled into annoyance at her work being ruined, rather than not receiving the best dinners or newest fashions. 

"Is there something else?" It came out more clipped than she intended and she visibly winced, annoyed at herself. "Sorry." she mumbled and as a peace offering, reached for the apple, taking a small bite. Her eyes widened almost comically. They were sweet, and they were delicious and she covered her mouth as she spoke, actually laughing. "What did you put in these? Honey?" 

 

TAG: @Chevi

[Chevi]

 "I will, later. Is there something else?"

Lucius winced. He had once again overstepped some unspoken boundary between them. Conversations always got awkward. He should have learned that by now. Ovinia, however, seemed to regret her tone, and apologized, taking a bite of the apple.

Her reaction was... amusing. And then she actually laughed. That was... a sound he had almost forgotten.

"What did you put in these? Honey?" 

"Sunshine" he grinned, taking a bite of his own. "Wait until you can try the grapes..."

Which would be... later. Months later.

@Sara

[Sara]

She took another bite, and smiled, trying to eat it delicately. She quirked an eyebrow at him but said nothing, miming that she was still chewing. She wouldn't be trying the grapes; they'd be back in the suffocating city before too long, she knew that. She'd enjoy the peace and its fruits while she could though. 

When she finally swallowed, she gestured to the large pile of cleaned apples with a forefinger, "Your cook is making some sort of...cake...pastry...thing with them," She winced, showing her skepticism. But then awkwardness seeped in again and she shifted on the grass, grasping for what to do. She'd like to tell him to leave, that he was making things harder, unnecessarily, but she couldn't bring herself to. Instead, she gave him a shallower smile and shrugged; "What do you intend to do on your relaxing break here dom-" She cut herself off just in time and went back to work, listening for his answer.

 

TAG: @Chevi