All's fair in love and war [M]

[Chevi]

"Your cook is making some sort of...cake...pastry...thing with them," 

"Pie. It will be delicious" he smiled. Fresh apples were the best, and the cook knew exactly what to do with them. There was an awkward pause again, and he was beginning to consider how he could most gracefully leave this conversation.

"What do you intend to do on your relaxing break here dom-"

His smile faltered.

"I... am probably going to go down to the sea a bit. It's great for a swim in this head. I hope to finish the harvest before going back..." he trailed off, looking at her. Now or never, he really had to talk to her about this. "Actually, I wanted to... talk to you about that. When we go back to Rome, you... don't have to come. You can stay here at the villa. If you'd prefer."

@Sara

[Sara]

Ovinia’a own polite smile faltered as he started to speak and she watched him cautiously. He…wanted to leave her here? He wanted her stay? Almost instinctively she took a look around. It was heaven here - for her, but that didn’t change the fact that he wanted her to stay here. That he was trying to take into account her preferences was surely just him being polite and awkward.

“You want me to stay?” She dragged her eyes back to him, almost hurt, “I…thought I had to be in the city as your prize?” What’s changed, she thought. She knew what had changed though and self consciously glanced down. She had irrevocably soured the atmosphere in the house that Saturnalia, it was why she and Marius barely spoke anymore.

 

TAG: @Chevi

[Chevi]

“You want me to stay?”

No, I don't.

“I…thought I had to be in the city as your prize?” 

"I don't think anyone pays that much attention anymore. You have been mostly out of sight." Maybe they just lost interest. Or maybe they assumed whatever Lucius had done to her, should not be seen in polite company. Either way, he could come up with explanations if anyone ever asked. To many slaves, a villa would have been punishment anyway.

"... but only if you like it here." he added. "I just thought you... might prefer it."

Prefer to be away from me.

[Sara]

She swallowed and stopped what she was doing, unable to concentrate on it. She glanced around again, letting her eyes linger on the buildings and the sunshine; the laughter of the other slaves in the fields drifting through. She would prefer it, mostly.

She hesitated before speaking, unsure of what to say. She had made friends here and could see a life through the weeds she had found bogged her path in Rome. Lucius' life would be simpler if she stayed; he could forget about her, see her only at holidays. The other servants would probably be delighted too.

"That's...kind of you." she said when she finally spoke, but it wasn't an answer and she didn't look at him. She felt sick; as if this decision would channel her life one way or the other for the next thirty, forty, fifty years she had left on the ground.  

"Can I think about it?" She glanced up at him, a little upset, for numerous reasons; the thought he'd want her gone completely, the thought that she might spend her life here, and a  deeper pain she couldn't articulate for reasons she didn't want to think about. 

 

TAG: @Chevi

[Chevi]

Part of him wanted her to say no. Most of him, anyway. He knew that he was torturing himself by seeking her company, and it would be better for the both of them to be apart. That was what she had asked for. What she wanted. The fact that he didn't, was not important.

"Of course" he nodded. "You have until it's time to go back to Rome. If you make a decision before that... let me know."

He would just have to learn to live with it.

 

[Sara]

Just short of two weeks later 

Ovinia didn't know - having never met the woman - whether Lucius' sister was as irreverent as he was, but she got a sense on the final night that the household was due to be at the villa. She presumed it wasn't under Lucius' instruction that the benches and long table full of food had been set out and a flower-garlanded canopy had been set in the fields before the villa with their view of the water. Nor did she suspect that it was him who had given permission for the two slaves to marry - as much as slaves could marry, given (from what she'd gathered) his visits to the villa were only out of familial love, not out of any actual claim since his adoption. 

The two newlyweds were not exactly the picture of youth - a woman, she estimated, in her thirties and a man in his forties but their doe-eyed love and grins and giggles were infectious and everybody seemed to be in a jubilant mood. She'd learned after the actual ceremony was done (in a language Ovinia hadn't understood) that the pair of them had been faithful servants of the family for decades but had never pestered or bothered their masters for permission to solemnise their union. When they finally had been prompted to, clearly the family were delighted to accept given the almost festival atmosphere that had taken over the ground of the villa. 

Ovinia, for her part, stood a little way off from the rest of the celebrants. She had a (gifted) flower tucked behind her ear and loosely clutched a cup of wine in one hand, the other folded under her chest as she surveyed the group with a slight smile. It was sweet, in a way that also made her sad. She took a sip of wine and debated whether to slot herself into an empty gap on one of the benches to take some food, but footsteps to her left caught her attention and she turned up her face to Lucius', not speaking. What was there left to say? She wanted to enjoy the night that the others were so clearly revelling in, and so turned her face back to the groups in front of her. "It's so sweet, isn't it?" She offered.

 

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[Chevi]

It was the perfect last day at the villa. Or as perfect as it could get, anyway. Who didn't love a wedding? There were flowers, and pastries, and wine, and happiness all around; a large full moon rising as the sun slowly set over the sea. Everyone was celebrating. Tomorrow, they would return to the city, leaving behind only the staff that belonged to the villa. Lucius tried not to think about tomorrow.

Ovinia stood apart from the others, holding her drink. She had not told him her decision yet, and with every passing day it weighed heavier on him. Would she stay? If anything, tonight was bound to show her just how beautiful love at the villa could be. But then...

Lucius picked up his own drink, walking over to her.

"It's so sweet, isn't it?"

"It's lovely" he nodded with a genuine smile, watching the celebration. He was happy that he could contribute, in a small way, to someone else's happiness.

"So... have you seen everything you wanted to see, out here?" There was much to enjoy, and experience, at least to him. Her family probably owned a villa too, so maybe it was just him.

@Sara

[Sara]

It was lovely but it was also isolating. Even the girls she'd befriended had skipped off as soon as the the ceremony was done to meet their own lovers or parents who worked in the field, leaving Ovinia standing awkwardly alone. She'd sunk into it though, and she knew if she stayed that would change - slowly, piece by piece she'd be absorbed by this place like the others until she was one of them. 

She glanced up at him, curiosity in her expression. She knew what undercut that question, but didn't feel prepared to answer it and so she shook her head with a small smile. She couldn't remember the last time they had shared any banter or fun; she'd purposefully cut herself off from it. But it almost felt like a festival tonight, or more relaxed anyway, and she was content to try...even though she knew she really, really shouldn't. "No. I haven't seen the beach." She shrugged and sipped the lora, "I haven't found the time. Is it as beautiful as the rest of your villa?" She glanced up at him and then added, more quietly. "I can see why you had a charmed childhood here." 

 

TAG: @Chevi

[Chevi]

Ovinia had seemed... comfortable, in the past weeks. She was less frustrated with Lucius' presence, and seemed to enjoy being among the servants. Or rather, being unseen among them. But that didn't mean she was not secretly harboring other feelings. One never quite knew with her.

"No. I haven't seen the beach. I haven't found the time. Is it as beautiful as the rest of your villa?"

"It really is." He nodded.Especially on summer evenings.

"I can see why you had a charmed childhood here." 

"Mostly. Sometimes it did get lonely." After his father died and his siblings left. Lucius smiled, glancing out at the sunset. "Do you want to see the beach?"

@Sara

[Sara]

She looked up at him curiously for a moment before averting her eyes. Even when she had first arrived at the domus and he was grumpy and in pain, he never seemed short of friends. Even his servants seemed to be more like acquaintances than hired workers, and she couldn't picture him sad and morose and lonely. The thought also hurt and she frowned to herself, trying to shake it away. 

She heard his question. No. "Yes." she shouldn't, she really shouldn't. She had been doing so well over the preceding six months of not currying favour, of avoiding him at all costs that it had almost made her forget Marius' words. He loves you. Almost, made her forget. But she had missed him and who knew? This might be the last night she saw him. He deserved her time, even if it was painful and awkward and difficult. "But I have to be back soon," She clarified as she set down her half-empty cup of wine, "They need a singer, apparently, for the celebrations." She had an impish smile on her lips. The thought of her singing, in public a year ago would have been laughable. Now she didn't find the thought quite so abhorrent. "After you." 

 

TAG: @Chevi

[Chevi]

He honestly expected her to say no. They had not really been alone together, apart from the few words they exchanged the other day, when he told her to think about staying. But she said yes, so he emptied his cup too. One last walk. She was probably going to stay tomorrow.

"But I have to be back soon. They need a singer, apparently, for the celebrations." 

"You're going to sing?" he asked, genuinely surprised. She did not... seem like the kind to sing in public. She really had found a place at the villa, after all. "That is... really nice of you."

Singing for a slave wedding. Would she have ever imagined it, in her old life?

They walked down from the villa together. Lucius would have known the way with his eyes closed, tracing the path among the rocks and down to the slim crescent of the pebbled beach. Fishermen had pulled their boats up for the evening and were gone, and the water lapped quietly at the shore.The colors of the usnset were fading to pale glass, and the air smelled like salt. Lucius breathed deeply and smiled.

"Oh I'm gonna miss this, in the city."

@Sara

[Sara]

"It's not," She managed a genuinely amused, small smile as she followed him down the path that led from the villa to the beach, "I just didn't think the woman who was going to sing was any good. It seemed sad to celebrate a wedding with the sound of a strangled cat." It was a very Ovinia comment to make, but she didn't even notice it had been a while since she'd said something of that ilk, especially not to him. 

She was unsteady on her feet as she walked down to the beach but didn't complain, tracing her way down the winding path towards the beach. She looked unimpressed for a moment (she preferred sand) but then came to stand at the waters edge next to him and let out a deep exhale, trying to fill her lungs with the calm that seemed to imbue this place. It didn't work, she still felt on edge. She would agree though, the place was beautiful. 

She sighed softly at his comment and offered; "You could always delay going back a few weeks. Unless they need you urgently?" She was still trying to make polite, distant conversation but she knew that wasn't why she'd come down here. She just...didn't know how to start. She didn't want to. Instead she picked up a pebble and tried to skim it on the water. It sunk almost immediately.

 

TAG: @Chevi

[Chevi]

Lucius laughed at her comment about the singing. It was a very Ovinia thing to say. However she wanted to explain it, it was still fun. She needed to learn to admit that.

They stood on the shore together. His heart sank at her question. You could stay... she was staying, then.

"I need to get back" he shook his head. "End of summer is always dangerous in the city." Everything was dry, dusty, and flammable.

Ovinia picked up a pebble, and tried to skip it. It sank. Lucius chuckled, picking one of his own and trying the same. It sank too. He grinned. "Damn. I used to be good at this."

[Sara]

She smiled, tension broken and eyed the ripples from the sunken pebble. She glanced up at him with a wry expression and shook her head, bending down to try and find a smooth, flat pebble. "That's because you didn't do it with your left hand, I imagine." She glanced up at him and shrugged, hiding her smile with a cough. "You should tell Marius that is an exercise you want to focus on." 

She had tentatively made enquiries with the grouchy servant as to how Lucius' arm was progressing. She got few words back, probably because things had been tense with her and Lucius' chosen man since Saturnalia. It hadn't prevented her from worrying about it, and him though. She pulled herself up to stand, two pebbles in her hand and held one out for him. "You just need to practice." She tried to act nonchalant as she skimmed her own one. It flew once before sinking. "How...is the arm, by the way?" 

 

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[Chevi]

"That's... true." Lucius looked down at his hands. For the first time in a long time, he hadn't even noticed that he was using his left hand. Ovinia was right. It was still more awkward than the right, but it was starting to feel natural. 

She offered him pebbles and he took one. Hers skipped once, his still sank.

"Have you done this before?... It's better. Doesn't hurt much, anymore."

[Sara]

She nodded at his question but for once, when reminiscing, she didn't look distressed, just...wistful. "When I was a girl. The first villa we had, had a beach not unlike this. I hated it." She chuckled and skipped another pebble. It didn't make it any further. "We all complained until my father bought a place near a sandy beach, down near Baiae." She gave him a look and then rolled her eyes with a chuckle and a grin, shaking her head, knowing now how ridiculous that was. 

She skimmed another one and it made it a couple of jumps before she sighed, frustrated and leant down to pick up a handful more. She returned a few moments later with another handful for him. If they just kept skipping stones they wouldn't have to talk about anything more serious. The tension was mounting though, she could feel it and she cast a glance back up to the cliff behind them and the villa beyond it. "We shouldn't be too long." She muttered, "We...you...still need to pack." It was the most awkward way she could have said; I'm staying. 

 

TAG: @Chevi

Edited January 19, 2022 by Sara

[Chevi]

"Should have known you preferred the sand" he chuckled, listening to her story. They skipped stones for a while; his only skipped once or twice. The full moon came up, and music filtered down from the villa.

"We shouldn't be too long. We...you...still need to pack." 

Lucius sighed, staring after the last pebble. He had caught the hesitation in her voice. "You're staying, then."

[Sara]

She swallowed, looking mournful, but concentrating her gaze on the lapping waves and the moonlight bouncing off the water. She couldn't quite face him. 

"I think it's for the best." Her voice was quiet and contemplative, much like her posture and her features. She let out a deep sigh and skipped another stone. "Don't you? I'm just a complication in Rome, and here I can...build a life." She swallowed and leant down to sweep up another handful of pebbles, skipping one more angrily this time. "You must have thought so too, to offer for me to stay." 

 

TAG: @Chevi

[Chevi]

He had expected that she'd decide to stay. He had told himself she surely would, and it would be better for her, and for him. 

And yet, it still hurt.

"I wanted you to have a choice." He said quietly, watching the water. "I hope you will be happy here."

[Sara]

She swallowed and refused to look at him, knowing her upset would only increase. His voice was quiet, almost mournful and she wrapped one arm around her waist protectively. 

"You could try not to make me feel bad about the choice." She said, although there was no heat in her voice. She knew she shouldn't talk to him like that, she had been so good and so careful about him, about her new role, for the last six months. She needed to channel that...but...she couldn't. She felt hurt that he cared, but more hurt that he didn't care enough to try and stop her. That was a terrible thought and she exhaled sharply. "I can't build a life in Rome," She said by way of explanation, "We both know that. You know that, don't you?" 

 

TAG: @Chevi

[Chevi]

He was not trying to make her feel bad and they both knew it, but he winced at the accusation anyway. Ovinia, when she was sad or upset, tended to atrack rather than retreat.

"I know." As a slave, she could scarcely build a life anywhere, reall, but the villa was... more freedom. "I was being selfish. I'm sorry."

[Sara]

Selfish. So he did want her in Rome. She sighed heavily, feeling a knot tighten in her stomach, gripping her insides, making her feel nauseous. She hated this. She hated that she had to do this, but it was right. She swallowed. This is the right thing for you, and for him. 

She glanced sideways very briefly and exhaled, shaking her head; "You don't want me around really," She skipped another pebble, "We've barely spoken in six months L-Lucius." it felt odd to say his name after so many months of 'domine', "And...we can get a clean break." She skipped another pebble. It managed to jump four or five times. She didn't even manage a smile though. "You can get a decent servant that knows how to sweep and help your arm." She managed one then, no matter how hollow it felt and looked on her lips.

 

TAG: @Chevi

[Chevi]

"You don't want me around. "

I do. I do.

"We've barely spoken in six months L-Lucius. And...we can get a clean break." 

I don't want one.

Her pebble skipped, but neither of them paid any attention.

"You can get a decent servant that knows how to sweep and help your arm."

This time, he sighed.

"I don't really care about any of that." He had servants. He would be fine. "I..." it didn't really matter how he felt, he reminded himself. "You are an amazing woman, Ovinia. You are... more than what you get credit for. I can't free you. But I want you to be happy. Here, if that's what you want. "

 

[Sara]

She felt herself shrink at his words, breathing out her own quietly, shaking her head. "Don't..." she swallowed, her throat and mouth feeling dry as a desert. She glanced back up towards the path, wondering if she could walk away and make it back to the villa before he caught up with her. Run. She thought. It was often how she dealt with emotions she couldn't process with anger or upset alone. 

She swallowed, letting the silence settle and when she did speak, she was doing so before she could stop herself, before she could try and make her words sound better, sound more like she needed to. "Do you even know why I...said what I said on Saturnalia? Why I did what I did?" Her voice was quiet, barely audible over the lapping waves. It had been a sentence and then it had been over. That had been it. She swallowed. "I...knew I could never be with you. Not properly. Not in front of anybody else, not unless I was a secret. And I realised you would never risk..." She breathed, upset, "I realised you would never risk me...I just...I couldn't imagine a life when I was a slave in every respect unless I was in your bed. That wasn't how I wanted to live my life. Serve you one moment, and laugh with you the next. I...wasn't accepting my position. My lot." 

 

TAG: @Chevi

[Chevi]

"Do you even know why I...said what I said on Saturnalia? Why I did what I did?"

He looked at her this time. She looked ready to bolt, but for once, she was staying. And talking. He listened.

"I realised you would never risk me...I just...I couldn't imagine a life when I was a slave in every respect unless I was in your bed. That wasn't how I wanted to live my life. Serve you one moment, and laugh with you the next. I...wasn't accepting my position. My lot." 

He shook his head. Her words hurt, but she was only telling the truth.

"It's not a lot anyone should accept." He had freed his household slaves for a reason. "And even if you stay here, I'll try my best to get permission to free you, eventually. I promise. "