What Could Have Been?

[Sara]

Ovinia's eyes widened and she blinked. Gaius hadn't hit her but clearly he'd needed to vent his frustration on somebody. She unconsciously moved her fingers to his nose. He'd evidently seen a good medicus because it looked like it had set as straight as before. 

She swallowed and shrugged, although his kiss on her forehead was soothing. "If I were him, I'd let me have the child then send me off to marry an official from a province. He knows people in Hispania and Raetia. I'd send me off for a decent match, but far away - too far away to run away home, and if I were him, I'd leave the child with you - abdicate all responsibility from it." That's what she would do if she was in his shoes. "I hope he's not as smart as that." She chuckled and then sighed, sinking down on his lip until she was actually lead across him. "But I'm not staying here much longer alone. I'll get a horse and ride back to Rome nine months pregnant if I have to. You need to convince him to let you join me here, or he needs to find somewhere closer by for me to be. And he needs to figure out the marriage, and an excuse as to why I have a new child." She made a noise of decisiveness, there was no arguing with Ovinia when she got stubborn. 

 

TAG: @Chevi

[Chevi]

Out of the three of them, Gaius had the most options. He had the rights, and the responsibilites, and also a lot to lose as paterfamilias of a disgraced woman. Too bad Lucius was a pain in the ass for people like that. And as praefect of the vigiles, he had a lot of de facto power even senators were hesitant about.

"What if I did take the child?" he ventured. "Have them brought to Rome, say they are from some lover of mine, or a slave. Take them to my name. And then marry you a bit later?"

[Sara]

"I..." it was a sensible plan. It would work, but it still felt like somebody was twisting her insides with a knife. "I've only ever wanted to be a mother." She swallowed, "And now I can't even be a mother to my own child? We raise them and...what? And say that they're the son or daughter of a whore but it's okay because their Tata loves them?" She shook her head, folding her arms across her chest petulantly. 

"We'll have to, I suppose." She was shooting daggers at the sky from where she lay, glaring and glowering and pouting like the nineteen year old Ovinia, not the thirty-five year old. "And Tadia." She swallowed, "Gaius wouldn't even show me what he agreed in the divorce, only that she'll live with Spurius most of the time." She shook her head, feeling nauseous but not from the pregnancy. This was worth it, right? 

 

TAG: @Chevi

[Chevi]

"I... I've only ever wanted to be a mother. And now I can't even be a mother to my own child? We raise them and...what? And say that they're the son or daughter of a whore but it's okay because their Tata loves them?"

"I won't let that happen. I'm just trying to think of ways for us to be together. All of us."

"We'll have to, I suppose. And Tadia. Gaius wouldn't even show me what he agreed in the divorce, only that she'll live with Spurius most of the time."

Lucius frowned. He wanted Ovinia to be happy; she needed to be with her children. Both her children.

"I mean, I can always look into finding something to blackmail the entire family into not being assholes anymore?"

[Sara]

She knew that; he was just trying to be decent and think of a way for this to actually work, but unfortunately for Lucius, Ovinia was frustrated at the realities that were now dawning. Before he'd arrived, she was miserable and lonely but at least she didn't really have to think of the future. Now he was here, the gulf between where they were and where they wanted to be was a mile wide.

"Are they the assholes?" She queried with a mirthless laugh. "All things considered, Gaius has been generous." She shook her head, "He's not the one who had an affair behind her husbands back, got pregnant and abandoned her daughter, is he? Or the one that chose to have an affair with a married woman?" She was being unfair, but she was upset and she didn't know what else to do but lash out. 

 

TAG: @Chevi

[Chevi]

"Are they the assholes? All things considered, Gaius has been generous."

"That's one word for it..."

"He's not the one who had an affair behind her husbands back, got pregnant and abandoned her daughter, is he? Or the one that chose to have an affair with a married woman?" 

Lucius sighed. She was not entirely wrong. He hated it that things got so messed up, but now they had to fight their way through all of it, if they wanted to find their happy ending as a family.

"He was the one who married you off to a moron, though." he pointed out, although he knew it was a weak argument. "And it wasn't like you expected to get pregnant. If anything, it's all my fault. I should have married you in the first place."

[Sara]

"That was my father." She retorted, in traditional-petty Ovinia fashion. "Although it's probably for the  best that he passed when he did. He would have run us both through with a gladius." 

With a sigh, some of her anger ebbed away and she raised a hand to stroke his jaw. "I'm being a bitch, I'm sorry." She managed a wan smile. "Maybe we should just run away. Illyricum is just across the sea from here, or Greece or...anywhere." She gave a smile, "We could just start again, and I could get a slave to get Tadia out and meet us..." 

 

TAG: @Chevi

[Chevi]

"That was my father. Although it's probably for the  best that he passed when he did. He would have run us both through with a gladius." 

It was probably better that the old man did not live to see any of this. Gaius was doing his level best, but he did not have the gravitas (or the fury) of an older senator just yet. "Ovinia, I respect your family, but if it came to that, I'd mop the floor with them." He could fight, if he had to. And he was not going to give up anything without a fight.

"I'm being a bitch, I'm sorry. Maybe we should just run away. Illyricum is just across the sea from here, or Greece or...anywhere. We could just start again, and I could get a slave to get Tadia out and meet us..." 

"I know you are joking, but you know I'd say yes" he said, raising her hand to his lips. "I'll do anything." he smiled down at her. There were no easy answers, but at least they were together. "Can we talk about our child, for a moment? Like, is she... he?... moving?"

[Sara]

Maybe that was the only way? A run across the sea. But she knew she couldn't; not yet at least. Maybe Gaius would come around - maybe Lucius just needed to do a little bridge-building, but as he posed his question, she felt herself soften and gave him a genuine, slightly shy smile. She'd imagined what he would be like as a father - of course she had. Now she was seeing it. 

"Mhmm." She agreed, "We have a week to talk of plans...you're right." He knew just how to calm her down. She pulled at his hand and placed it against her belly again. "He was moving a minute ago...just wait." She felt different than she did during her pregnancy with Tadia, and in her mind that meant the little thing sapping her energy was a boy. There was a flutter on her side, under where his fingers lay and she gave him a smile. "Did you feel that?" She shifted up a little so she wasn't lying quite so flat. "He's due in January, or early February the midwives think. I...still can't believe  it," she laughed a little, "I...thought Tadia was it. The Gods had cursed me..."

 

TAG: @Chevi

[Chevi]

"He was moving a minute ago...just wait."

"He?" Lucius blinked. He was utterly fascinated by the whole thing. Was he... going to have a son? He felt movement against his palm, more of a flutter than a kick, and he gasped in surprise. 

"Did you feel that? He's due in January, or early February the midwives think. I...still can't believe  it. I...thought Tadia was it. The Gods had cursed me..."

"I don't think it's a curse" Lucius grinned. "... I'm sorry. I know this made everything so much more complicated. But this is a happy thing... maybe the gods had something else in mind." he felt another movement, and he brushed his hand against it. "There he is..."

[Sara]

"I think it's a boy." She shrugged, "He feels different to Tadia, the way he moves and the way he feels..." It was hard to explain to somebody that would never, ever experience it. Her smile widened into a grin at his surprised little gasp. She felt a moment of melancholy that she was experiencing this so late; Spurius already had children by the time she had given him Tadia so he didn't really care for her condition. She briefly wondered what it might have been like had she experienced this when she was younger, with the man next to her now. 

She smiled and nodded a little. "Maybe you're right...I used to be so upset by it but...maybe they knew I should be here. They gave me Tadia so I'd keep going but...I needed to wait for you." It was a nice story, at least. As she felt another flutter and he brushed his hand, another shiver ran her spine and she smiled. "Have you come to terms with the fact you're going to be a father, Lucius?" 

 

TAG: @Chevi

[Chevi]

"I think it's a boy. He feels different to Tadia, the way he moves and the way he feels..." 

Lucius had no idea how women knew if they were expecting a boy or a girl. Many did divinations, sure, but there was also some innate feminine knowledge, old midwives' tales or whatever. For now, he accepted what Ovinia said. It was a boy. He was going to have a son. The thought made him giddy. 

"Maybe you're right...I used to be so upset by it but...maybe they knew I should be here. They gave me Tadia so I'd keep going but...I needed to wait for you. Have you come to terms with the fact you're going to be a father, Lucius?" 

"I'm starting to" he grinned, leaving her belly alone for a moment to run his hand through her hair. He had gone months without touching her, and he had missed it. "It makes me very happy. I'm sorry I couldn't be here sooner."

@Sara

[Sara]

She sank into his touch with a moan of contentment. She tried to remember what it was like before they'd found this intimacy, when she supposedly loathed him. She couldn't recall. "It's not your fault." She murmured, "They hid me well, and you're here now. I have to admit though..." She chuckled, shifting on his lap, "You're taking this," A hand splayed out on her bump, "Better than I thought you would. I thought you would be terrified of it, and the prospect of being paterfamilias and having a son to wrangle..."

Flicking her eyes up to his face, she tilted her head to the side, studying him. "How long are you staying? It'll take a week or ten days or so to get a letter to Gaius, and then the same again for him to send somebody down here to get you to leave." She chuckled. That gave them two or three weeks. 

 

TAG: @Chevi

[Chevi]

He should have been here sooner. He should have kicked down Gaius' door the moment Ovinia disappeared, demanding to know where she was. But back then... he did not know he had leverage. In the form of a child.

"It's not your fault. They hid me well, and you're here now. I have to admit though... You're taking this, Better than I thought you would. I thought you would be terrified of it, and the prospect of being paterfamilias and having a son to wrangle..."

"Paterfamilias" Lucius echoes, his face falling. He had never imagined himself as anything like that. Praefect? Sure. But head of a family?... "Now, there's a rank I never thought I'd have..."

"How long are you staying? It'll take a week or ten days or so to get a letter to Gaius, and then the same again for him to send somebody down here to get you to leave." 

"Gaius can drag his own ass up here if he wants me to leave. Titus can run the ship just fine for a while back home. By my estimate, we can spend at least the next seven days in bed..."

[Sara]

She watched his face change...fall at the word. She had been teasing, but now realised her mistake. He'd have all the authority his brother had over him. He'd have the decisions to make and authority to wield them. Of course he had power over his men, but power over a wife and a child were different matters. She wondered, absently, if he'd reconsider his choices and his past once his son came of age and started to rebel as he had done. She shook the thought from her mind. He'd probably revel in it. 

She raised soft fingers to stroke the strong line of his jaw. "You will be an excellent paterfamilias. Fair and kind and...irreverent. Imagine the family holidays to the villa...picking apples, making wine..." She was teasing, trying to lighten the mood. Which he'd also successfully done. Grinning, she dropped her hand from his face to her bump. "I think you've already achieved the end goal of staying in bed, no?" Not that she was going to say no. She had missed him. "But don't be so combative...you'll not win with Gaius if you're belligerent. Hearts and minds...not fire and blood..." 

 

TAG: @Chevi

[Chevi]

"You will be an excellent paterfamilias. Fair and kind and...irreverent. Imagine the family holidays to the villa...picking apples, making wine..." 

"And you will let me do that with the kids?" he grinned, raising an eyebrow. Yes, he wanted that. The harvest, the villa, stomping grapes. All of it.

"I think you've already achieved the end goal of staying in bed, no?"

"Oh, love. This was not the end goal." Lucius chuckled, but his hand found her bump again nonetheless. "The end goal was to watch you learn about pleasure." It had been achieved, with excellent results. And it did not really end where the pregnancy began, at least not in his eyes. And not until someone showed up to kick him out. Ovinia warned him not to be too confrontational with her brother. Lucius was not sure what else he could do at this point.

[Sara]

Ovinia smirked, shrugging her shoulders. “I imagine that after we marry I might not be as influential in the Roman social scene as I once was…” And she was trying very hard to be okay with that, “So you might have to teach me to live a life in the country…and if that life in the country means our children end up with a penchant for apple picking…” She nudged him with her knee, “So be it.”

Of course, the idyllic image she’d created in her head of a life with the man she loved in some palatial villa didn’t take into account: the lack of dowry her brother was likely to provide, and Lucius job keeping him in Rome.

She might be a mother of one, with another on the way, but her cheeks still burned bright red at his words. Her education in the pleasurable arts had been delayed by the ineptitude of her ex-husband, but the catch-up was utterly worth it. It was, nonetheless, deeply embarrassing to have it brought up though in the cold light of day. 

“Lucius…” She noted at his silence, which provided the opportune distraction from her embarrassment, “I mean it. Don’t do anything stupid.”

 

TAG: @Chevi

[Chevi]

She blushed bright red at his words, and Lucius smiled at her. There was so much more they needed to do together, to learn about each other. And it was a much better conversation than trying to guess what her brother's reaction was going to be.

"Lucius… I mean it. Don’t do anything stupid.”

"As long as I have any other option." he promised with a sigh. "I told you, I am not losing you again. I'll beg him if I have to. Or call in an imperial favor."

[Sara]

"He'd like that." She snorted, in a very unladylike fashion. "My family are big on supplication." And following the rules, and doing everything above board...at least, that was what they liked to tell other family members to do whilst they themselves were doing whatever they liked. She knew of at least two women Gaius saw frequently outside of the house, but an affair with a freedwoman was hardly a blackmail-able offence. 

"An imperial favour wherein you admit adultery?" She arched a brow and stroked his knuckles with her fingertips. "I..." She frowned, "Suppose there's another way. I...have never looked into it," She swallowed the lump in her throat, "What would happen if we just declined to submit to my brother? If we got married anyway and I moved into your house? I understand it's against the law but once we're married, say if we did it soon, quietly...can he press us for a divorce against our will?" She sighed and shook her head, "This is why you should have become a lawyer." 

 

TAG: @Chevi

[Chevi]

Being here together like this, it was hard to believe that there was still such a divide to clear. Things were needlessly complicated. Two people loved each other, neither was married, and they had a child on the way. Where did Roman law go so horribly wrong?... It sounded like Ovinia had had enough of it too.

"Look at you. Ovinia, the rebel. And here I was ready to grovel." Lucius chuckled, kissing her knuckles. "You know I'd marry you in a heartbeat, love. And I can't believe I'm saying this, but if there is even a chance we can convince your brother to do this, I think it is worth trying first. Maybe I'm getting old..."

@Sara

[Sara]

"Ovinia the rebel and Lucius the...diplomat?" she wrinkled her nose, shaking her head, "It doesn't feel right but I suppose it makes sense." She shifted her position on his lap with a wince, the ache in her back spreading. She'd forgotten how uncomfortable pregnancy could be. 

"And if he says no, and if there's no other options I am going to go back to Rome and grab the nearest priest I can find by the neck of their tunic and make them marry us." She huffed, "I'm not going to have my child grow up with parents who have to pretend, and I'm not going to wait much longer. We've been waiting for fifteen years. Besides," She said with a small, devious smile, "Gaius will struggle to disagree. What's worse for him? His sister married to an equite or him trying to get her to - publicly - divorce the equite that he didn't agree to? I think I can cause a little chaos for him, after all..." 

 

TAG: @Chevi

[Chevi]

Lucius smiled softly as Ovinia shifted and kept weaving her plans. As if they have traded places, she was done with the waiting, and done with being cautious. It amused him, but also made him fell all warm inside. Every time he met this woman, he discovered again why he could not get her out of his mind for fifteen years.

"Well, all of that sounds great" he smiled, gathering her up into his arms again "And also, it makes me feel incredibly attracted to you. So, I am taking you to bed. Where you will be more comfortable. And well cared for." He stood, lifting her up. He stood for a moment, looking around. "...You'll have to tell me where the bed is."

They could figure out the rest later.

[Sara]

Ovinia stirred with a groan and a grumble. The sound of a baby crying drifted through the rooms of the villa and she buried her face back into her pillow with a childish petulance. They had servants to care for their child, but at four months old the baby still woke so frequently and the slaves were so exhausted that occasionally they slept through. Evidently this was one of those times. 

She kicked out to the lump next to her and grumbled again. "Lucius," Her voice was partly obscured by the pillow and with a huff, she raised her head. "Luuuucius, get the baby." She wouldn't have dreamed of ordering any other man to go and care for an infant, but with her present husband she somehow thought he wouldn't mind. "Careful of the boxes." She mumbled with finality and then turned over on her other side to try and snatch some sleep before he came back. 

The room was littered with chests piled high. After over a year of exile since her pregnancy had been found out, tomorrow she was finally heading back to Rome. This time with a new husband and new child. She couldn't wait. Well...as long as she could get some sleep.

 

TAG: @Chevi

[Chevi]

Lucius jolted awake to the crying a moment before his darling wife kicked him in the shin. Time had lost its meaning a while before. Hours? Days? A newborn child, apparently, was a whole lot of work. Even when one had servants to do a lot of that work.

"Luuuucius, get the baby. Careful of the boxes."

"He's got a set of lungs" Lucius mumbled, tumbling out of bed and promptly tripping over a box before he regained his balance. He walked to the next room, and came face to face with a somewhat disheveled nurse on his way in. "I've got him. Thank you."

Scooping the baby up, he held him to his chest as he made his way back to the bedroom. He hummed gently over the fussing. Such a tiny creature, so much noise. All-around perfect.

He made sure not to trip over anything this time, and managed to safely settle on the bed. His son crunched up his face in typical fussy baby fashion. "You know, you are still the most pleasant Gaius in the family."

@Sara

[Sara]

She groaned louder as the noise of her fussing son grew louder, as did Lucius' humming. She knew sleep was now a distant, faraway concept and longed for the sweet release of wine or some other poison that would knock her straight out. Baby Gaius was a worse sleeper than Tadia, and she'd had almost a decade to forget about the first few months of life. 

She smirked, "I'll tell my brother you said that when we go for dinner next week." With a groan of effort she lifted herself to a seated position, propped up with cushions and stifled a deep yawn. "What's wrong, hmm?" She raised a finger to stroke her son's cheek and sniffed. Not wet. Hungry, maybe? She flitted between using a wet-nurse and feeding him herself given there was nobody out here at the villa to judge her for it. "He's not excited about moving into your domus in the city, I think." She gave her husband and son a sleepy, amused smile and stifled another yawn. 

 

TAG: @Chevi