What Could Have Been?

[Chevi]

"They're idiots." 

"So am I" Lucius smiled as she finally settled down next to him, determined to follow through. She had called him an idiot many times before. Or so it seemed.

"You were amazing... I...I mean your work. You seemed so in your element, so confident, even in all of that chaos." 

She covered the burns gently, her hand working with careful motions. He let out a sigh. He would have lied if he said he had never thought about her being close to him, like this. Well... not quite like this. But her touch made him shiver, injured or not. Was she even aware of that? She was so close he could smell the smoke in her hair.

"It takes practice." he clung to the conversation, but didn't have much to say. "No one is willing to follow a praefect who is not there in the thick of it. And... we got most of the people out. As many as we could, anyway."

[Sara]

She felt him shiver under her fingertips and frowned, thinking it was because she was being too firm. She lightened her touch and moved her ministrations to his shoulder, where an angry red streak was flowering over the muscle. 

"Most praefect's aren't in the thick of it though, I imagine." She eyed his body as she worked - swallowing the lump that had formed to block her throat. "Not to this extent." His words softened her look of determination almost immediately and she sighed, moving her hand slowly to grip his. It was far too familiar a touch, but she didn't really care all that much in that moment. "You did more than anybody else could have possibly done." She meant it, sincerely and squeezed his hand to emphasise his point. Before she realised that said hand was burned. "Shit," she hated that she'd picked up cursing as a habit, "I'm sorry." a nervous bubble of laughter left her lips and she winced, dabbing more paste on his hand and tracing up his forearm. "I see it now, why you're so happy. I...didn't quite get it before." 

 

TAG: @Chevi

[Chevi]

Her touch was careful and light. Lucius' eyes drifted shut as her hands moved over his shoulder. He tried to focus on something, anything else than the fact that he was half naked and Ovinia was touching him all over.

"Most praefect's aren't in the thick of it though, I imagine. Not to this extent. You did more than anybody else could have possibly done."

She held his hand and he winced, opening his eyes. Alright, that works.

"Shit. I'm sorry. I see it now, why you're so happy. I...didn't quite get it before." 

He chuckled too as she swore. She was usually so careful about being poised. But she had seem him in a way she had not seen before. And he did too. "I told you. Nowhere else I'd rather be." he smiled gently. He turned his hand so she could work on his forearm. "Except for... right now."

[Sara]

She smiled back at him, equally soft as her fingers continued their ministrations up his forearm. She could feel the heat from his bath dissipating. She frowned at his words though, evidently not understanding his meaning at all. "You...would rather not be here?" She arched a brow and her fingers stilled on the curve of his elbow.

 "I told you that I can leave if you want me to." But she'd kick up a fuss if he did. The thought of trekking to one of her brothers in this state, with nothing but the singed tunica she was wearing and the sack of jewels she'd kept was depressing to say the least. 

 

TAG: @Chevi

[Chevi]

She frowned at him. Lucius blinked, not sure where he had just lost her. She stopped touching him, and he immediately missed her touch, the warmth of her skin.

"You...would rather not be here? I told you that I can leave if you want me to." 

Lucius stared at her, then took a deep breath to steady himself. He was not sure where they had taken a wrong turn, but their entire story had been full of wrong turns and he was too tired to let another one slide. His voice deepened and he kept his eyes on hers.

"Ovinia. I am half naked an you are touching me all over, and honestly there is nowhere else I'd rather be even though I am a breath away from losing my goddamn mind."

[Sara]

The look in his eyes lit something up in her chest. She wanted him. She'd always wanted him and always marked him off as forbidden, beyond her grasp. But she could have died tonight and the person that had been there for her at the end was him. 

He had barely finished speaking before she moved; one hand moving behind his head to run her fingers through his damp hair, the other flush against his chest as she leant in to kiss him with more passion than she'd ever kissed anybody in her life, not caring for his injuries or her own. 

She'd imagined him kissing her; at Neptunalia she had thought for a moment that he might, in her dreams she sometimes saw it - even now, but in all of those situations she had never been the one to make the first move. Life had a funny way of not following dreams though.

 

TAG: @Chevi

[Chevi]

For a moment, he was not sure what she was going to say. Or do. He was half out of his mind after the day he'd head, and the two of them being together, like this, was not helping with thinking clearly at all. He wanted to wait to give her time to answer, or call him an idiot, or any of the other thousand things she could have done for him talking the way he did.

Instead, she fell against him and kissed him and everything else blinked out of existence.

He did lose his goddamn mind. Somewhere in the past he had imagined kissing her gently and softly, but now his hands were digging into her hips in desperate need to pull her closer. His arms circled her waist and his lips parted to deepen the kiss. She felt good, she tasted good, she sounded good, and he was completely lost in a moment.

Gods forgive me.

[Sara]

She'd never been kissed like this; with urgency and need. In that moment, twisted and mad as it sounded, it felt like if she didn't kiss him she'd simply drift away and die. She needed him and it was an experience she had never had, nor never expected to have after she'd signed her life away at her wedding. She made a noise against his lips and wound her spare hand from his chest around his neck. Gods forgive her. 

When she pulled back for breath, she let her forehead nudge his, resting against it as she panted air into her lungs. She didn't want to speak, didn't want to ruin a moment, a perfect moment despite the injuries and the smell of smoke that still clung to her hair and her skin. She didn't ever want to leave this feeling. It felt like fifteen years worth of build up that had finally been brought forth into the world and it was everything she wanted. 

"Why don't I feel bad?" She breathed with eyes still shut and forehead against his, "Why don't I care about what I'm doing?" 

 

TAG: @Chevi

[Chevi]

Lucius had kissed other women before, but for the life of him he could not remember any of them. He kissed Ovinia until the kisses made him lose his bearings like strong wine. His hands traveled along her sides. When she pulled back he still held her, feeling her catching her breath against his chest. She rested her forehead against his, and all he could see was how swollen her lips were, and how much he wanted to kiss her again.

"Why don't I feel bad? Why don't I care about what I'm doing?" 

"Oh we should have done this years ago" he breathed, tilting his head to kiss her cheek before he dipped between her neck and shoulder "You know I... thought... real life, it could never be as good as I dreamed." He hummed against her skin, he felt like all of him was calling out to her. "I was wrong."

[Sara]

She made a murmured sound, moaning in assent. Yes. Yes they should have done this years ago, they'd wasted so much time, lost so much time. That he dreamed about her pulled something deep in her and she shifted until she was on his lap - it wasn't much of a movement, she was practically there already. 

"Me too." She breathed and then finally, reluctantly pulled back her forehead and fluttered open her eyes. They were dark with lust, as were his. The sensation of his lips against her skin made her shudder and she moved her hand up through his hair, raking through. The other played against his neck, catching on a graze. She winced. "Your injuries." Her voice as husky and she chuckled, "Doesn't this hurt?" It probably did, like her arm did when she moved it but the feeling was quickly overtaken by other sensations. The fact they were injured, they hadn't slept, she hadn't bathed didn't seem to matter. "I'm not going anywhere today." She murmured and leant back down to his lips. Her real life could wait a day. This was where she wanted to be today. Today. The thought struck her and she bubbled a laugh, a proper laugh. "Happy Saturnalia." 

 

TAG: @Chevi

[Chevi]

"Me too."

He should have been exhausted. He was worn out and injured, and yet felt wide awake, flooded with sensations that had nothing to do with burns or bruises. Ovinia shifted and moved to his lap, and the look in her eyes made the breath catch in his throat.

"Your injuries. Doesn't this hurt?"

"I honestly couldn't tell" he laughed, breathless. One hand pulled her closer, the other traveled up her leg, pulling her dress with it. He wanted to touch all of her skin. All of her.

"I'm not going anywhere today. Happy Saturnalia." 

She was staying. She was staying with him. Just for the day, sure, but he did not see past the present moment anyway. "Io Saturnalia" he smiled, before leaning forward to capture her lips again. To kiss her deeply and drink her in and do all the things they had both dreamed of doing. It was Saturnalia, the world was turned upside down, and reality was better than dreams. They were going to make the most of it.

[Sara]

Ovinia couldn't sleep or not for long anyway. She should have done, if she hadn't felt wrung out before she certainly did now. She was so exhausted that as she pulled on her tunica again, the sounds of a sleeping Lucius behind her, she thought she'd trip over her own feet. And she did a bit, stumbling out of his room into the dreary grey of the day. Rain filtered through the peristyle into the gardens and she breathed in the sensation. It had to be late morning by now - but her concept of time was more than a little skewed. The house was quiet still though and the darkness of the day's weather meant it could have been any time from 6pm to midday.

She saw the outlines of a few people milling about and she blinked, stifling a yawn against the back of her hand. She should feel embarrassed, and a part of her did in a way, but in another way she felt utterly at peace and utterly content in her choices. There would be hell to pay later; hours of guilt to work through, not to mention the trauma from the fire, but for now she was in a satiated, content little bubble. One of the figures moved - a woman a bit younger than herself who cast a curious eye over Ovinia before offering with a breezy, cheery smile; "A bath, domina?" She should have been offended at that, but right now all she wanted to do was collapse into warmth and scrub her skin clean of smoke and dust. 

She was led back to the little room she'd been in the night before...no, this morning and undressed. The girl had already folded a set of clothes on the  bench - not to her standards or quality, presumably they belonged to one of his servants, but Ovinia was grateful all the same. She lingered in the bath for what felt like an age. She knew she needed to let Lucius sleep - she was bone-tired but she had no idea how he was still functioning. 

When she finally withdrew from the warmth of the rose-scented bath, clean and shiny and made new again, the girl was waiting. Ovinia smiled at her - which was returned with an amused one. "Feel better for that?" She nodded and wrapped a towel around herself as the girl made a 'tsk' noise and started combing through her hair. "Thank you, for this and the clothes." The girl waved a hand to her right, "It's fine - yours are being laundered. I figure after surviving the fire you could do with some relaxation." Ovinia heard the amusement in the girl's voice but she was tactful enough not to say anything further or insinuate anything. Instead, she braided her hair and pinned it up very loosely before helping her into the scratchy, basic tunica. She felt like a new woman, and probably looked it too. 

By the time she crept back into the dark of Lucius' chamber and crawled back into his bed, hair still dripping wet, she must have been gone at least an hour. Judging by the warmth from his body, it was at least that. "Move up." She mumbled sleepily, eyes feeling heavier than ever, "And give me some more of the sheet, before I freeze." 

 

TAG: @Chevi

[Chevi]

Lucius was dead to the world. If the city happened to catch fire again it could go ahead and burn to the ground. Fighting the fire had been exhausting, but it was only one half of the reason why the praefectus was lying in bed like he had no bones left in his body. Honestly, he was not even sure how he made it to his bed, although everything else that happened in the past hours was seared into his brain forever.

The room smelled like Ovinia. Lucius rolled over when she left and immediately missed her. Was she leaving? He was only half awake. He had lost any sense of time, and drifted off to sleep again until there was rustling in the room.

"Move up. And give me some more of the sheet, before I freeze."

There was a scent of oils and roses, and wet hair tickled his face. Lucius smiled with his eyes closed, wrapping one arm around her and pulling her close. She fit perfectly as he curled his body around her, pulling the blanket over both of them and tucking her in. "You came back" he muttered against the crook of her neck, inhaling her fresh scent and punctuating with a kiss. He half felt like it had all been a very vivid dream, but now she was back in his arms, very real. Memories came flooding back. Fifteen years of need and longing had burnt itself out in the past hours, in a mix of pleasure and pain as Ovinia's nails caught his injuries and he tried not to leave bite marks on her skin. Mostly pleasure, a kind that he had not felt before. Lucius made a satisfied sound as he closed his eyes. "I love you."

[Sara]

You came back. She did, and she knew she would come back again and again had she the opportunity or the means. Here she felt at home, at peace - even with everything else moving on around them. She couldn't voice any of that though, she didn't want to sound silly. 

But maybe she needn't have worried. His words hit her like a ton of marble, smushing her into a something unrecognisable. She stilled her breath for a minute. "I love you too." She managed to whisper - as if saying it any louder would make it something she had to confront, rather than something she could hide away as her little secret. She did love him, she knew that and had known it for longer than she cared to admit. She had liked him in her youth - not that she'd seen it at the time - but now she was older, wiser and actually absent of love, she had realised what she was missing and what this meant to her. 

"I don't want to go back." She kept her voice at the same whisper, although by now she was awake and staring out into the dark room ahead of her, although she was trying to sink back into and relax into his arms, his breath on her neck.

 

TAG: @Chevi

[Chevi]

"I love you too." 

Lucius smiled and hummed sleepily, pulling her closer. She was wearing a tunica now, which was completely unnecessary, especially because he was still undressed under the covers. They had been just fine before. More than fine. 

"I don't want to go back." 

He could feel the hesitation in her body as he held her. Eventually reality was going to intrude on their little bubble. He was not sure he was ready for it.

"You could... stay." that was not a solid option, but for now he would entertain the idea. "You could just... stay with me? None of the servants would tell." he muttered against her shoulder, his hand sliding along her side. "You wouldn't even have to get dressed at all."

@Sara

[Sara]

She smiled into his arm, hooked under her head. She wanted to stay. She did - selfish as though that might seem. If she could blink and transport her daughter here to his domus, and then just quietly slip away from Spurius and the rest of the obligations life had imposed on her, she would. The fire would have provided the perfect out as well - for all her husband would know, she could have perished in the flames he left her in. 

"Tempting." She murmured. And it was; especially with the sensation of his hand skirting over her side. Very tempting. "I can stay today and...today and tonight." She murmured. The city would be in chaos for a little while yet. What difference did one day make? Then when she couldn't stand the feeling any longer and was losing her train of thought, she rolled herself over so she was facing him. She reached up a hand to softly brush the curls away from his forehead. 

"But I have to try and find him." She sighed and kept her voice at a whisper, reaching down to grab his fingers and leave a kiss on his knuckles. "If only to kick him in the  balls for leaving me in an inferno. And Tadia." She swallowed. She'd be expected by dinner tonight, and when her parents inevitably didn't arrive at the villa, she imagined a tearful night for her daughter. She swallowed the lump in her throat. "I can't keep living with him, knowing what he did, knowing what else I could have." She whispered, as if begging Lucius to give her another option when there wasn't one. 

 

TAG: @Chevi

[Chevi]

"Tempting. I can stay today and...today and tonight." 

She turned in his arms and Lucius pulled her closer. He could never get enough of holding her, of being allowed to touch her in ways he'd dreamed of for so long. They had a day, at least. He'd make the most of it. He hummed, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

"But I have to try and find him. If only to kick him in the  balls for leaving me in an inferno. And Tadia."

"Your husband can go fuck himself" Lucius stated in no uncertain terms. Sure, he had a personal reason to hate the man, but even so, he had left his wife when the city was already on fire, and never came back for her. Her daughter, though... he knew Ovinia wouldn't leave her.

"I can't keep living with him, knowing what he did, knowing what else I could have."

"Divorce him." Lucius knew this was ridiculous even to say out loud. He closed the gap between them, kissing her, more than a little desperate. "Divorce him, and marry me."

@Sara

[Sara]

Ovinia hummed in agreement. Spurius could indeed go fuck himself. She'd had the thought intermittently over the years when he did something irritating or made a snide comment about her dress sense, or hobbies or whatever was the latest thing to criticise when he'd had a bad day and couldn't lash out at the slaves. To hear somebody else say it, especially somebody like Lucius, was cathartic. 

She saw his next words coming though, before he said them. She'd always thought Lucius was rash in his youth, and it seemed that adult life and responsibilities hadn't tempered them. She met his kiss with passion of her own, clinging to his arms and then his shoulders and then his jaw until she pulled back, breathless and dropped her forehead to his. "We can't live in a dream world Lucius." She could divorce Spurius - that was the simple part. Her eldest brother, now paterfamilias, had no love for him and he wasn't that influential, praetor though he might be. But choosing somebody like the man whose bed she shared now as a second spouse was likely beyond reality. She swallowed and shook her head against his. 

"I can't marry you." She managed a half-smile as she cracked her eyes and pulled away to flop herself back down on the pillow. "You wouldn't want me for life anyway. Almost barren? Approaching mid-life? Nothing in common? Pfft." She was trying to lighten the tension in the room, but the self-deprecation didn't land and just made it...sad.

 

TAG: @Chevi

[Chevi]

She kissed him with the same passion she had before, and Lucius already knew what her answer was going to be. But he was not done with the illusion yet. They still had a day.

"We can't live in a dream world Lucius."

"Why not?"

"I can't marry you. You wouldn't want me for life anyway. Almost barren? Approaching mid-life? Nothing in common? Pfft." 

"First off" Lucius rolled to his side, propping his head up on his elbow "I know I wear it well, but I'm approaching mid-life too. I'm older than you, remember? And barren or not, I don't mind either way. I want you, not imaginary offspring." He ran his fingers along her jaw, hoping she would look at him again. "And how dare you say we have nothing in common. We are sharing a bed, aren't we?" he asked with a smirk.

@Sara

[Sara]

She stared straight ahead at the ceiling as she felt him shift and roll to his side next to her. She felt her chest tighten and her stomach lurch at the words. Spurius had never begrudged her for only having Tadia, but then he already had sons and had no need of any more. But she wanted them; those imaginary offspring and she knew if she remarried the fact that there was something wrong with her meant she'd be limited in her choice of partner. Who would want a barren wife? Lucius, clearly. 

"Sex doesn't make a marriage." She glanced across at him at the feeling of his fingers tracing her jaw, although she didn't quite believe her own words. She'd managed to build a successful enough union with - now - almost no sex at all. So maybe it really wasn't important either way. "If I divorce Spurius," This was better - she was talking in practicalities now rather than shutting the idea down completely, "He might try to keep Tadia." Although his disinterest in his youngest child was pervasive so maybe he wouldn't be fussed either way? "And I would have to convince my brother, and I'd need a better reason than I love an equite. I tried that once, in my youth with one of my fathers clients." She chuckled at the memory, "It didn't end well for me or him." 

She supposed 'leaving one;'s wife to die in a fire' was a good enough reason for her, but might not be for her more politically minded sibling. The thought made her feel sick.

 

TAG: @Chevi

[Chevi]

"Sex doesn't make a marriage."

"It doesn't not make a marriage" Lucius pointed out. It was damn good sex, after all.

"If I divorce Spurius. He might try to keep Tadia."

Lucius sighed, his expression suddenly more sober. Now that... that was a serious question. Ovinia might leave her husband in a heartbeat, but she was not going to leave her daughter.

"And I would have to convince my brother, and I'd need a better reason than I love an equite. I tried that once, in my youth with one of my fathers clients. It didn't end well for me or him." 

Lucius blinked, for a moment jolted out of his planning by her words. He tilted his head at her. "You don't say?... And here I was thinking you were such a decent patrician girl."

@Sara

[Sara]

Ovinia chuckled. It felt like a lifetime ago; probably because it was. 

"I was a decent patrician girl." She even had the classic first time, disappointing wedding night sex to prove it.

"Even with your corrupting influence. I just...he was nice to me, kind - used to take an interest." She shrugged, "As it turned out - I realised a few years after my father had turned down his suit - he was only trying gauge information on one of my fathers other clients. Saw his naive, hopelessly romantic daughter as a good way in. It worked," She chuckled, "I gave him so much information that if my father had found out I'm sure I'd have been banished to Pandataria like the Augustus' daughter." 

Stretching into a yawn she curled a little bit closer, smiling softly. "Let's not talk about practicalities," Because there was no hope of them figuring them out - she was convinced, "What would our lives be like, if we were married? Paint me a picture, Lucius." 

 

TAG: @Chevi

[Chevi]

Lucius blinked, genuinely stunned as she revealed her youthful exploits... spying on her father's clients for someone who was courting her. Wow. She really, really was bad at picking men. Maybe himself included.

"It's good you got away with it. And I'm sorry he used you." he sighed, leaning down to press a kiss to her forehead. It had been a bad idea to start talking sense. They should have stuck with bliss a little longer.

"Let's not talk about practicalities. What would our lives be like, if we were married? Paint me a picture, Lucius." 

She snuggled closer, and he wrapped an arm around her again, inhaling her scent. He would have happily settled for staying like this forever. A much better option than... anything else.

"Well, for a start, we'd share a bed, so we can sleep like this every night" he smiled, running a hand down her side again. "And we would live in a house that has an orchard. And make our own wine." he added with a lazy grin. "And I would come home to you every night, and we would have dinner together, and tell each other about our day."

@Sara

 

[Sara]

She sank into his touch as it skirted her waist and made a small sound of contentment. "I don't know if there's much room for orchard's in the city," She murmured an interjection, amusing herself as she picked holes in his plan. 

"And you'd come home smelling of smoke and I'd tell you that you'd have to sleep outside with the dogs. Or you'd be late and miss the parties I planned for all our nonexistent friends who cut you off, and then cut me off in turn when I married you?" She smiled into his arm. 

"But," she stifled a yawn, "I'll do my best to get to get to know your new friends without too much judgement. And I'd visit you at the barracks and make all your men jealous. And in the evenings I'd write songs to sing just to you." 

 

TAG: @Chevi

[Chevi]

"And you'd come home smelling of smoke and I'd tell you that you'd have to sleep outside with the dogs. Or you'd be late and miss the parties I planned for all our nonexistent friends who cut you off, and then cut me off in turn when I married you?"

"For the record, they are excellent dogs." he smirked, resting his head in the crook of her neck. His hand traveled on lazily, enjoying the curves of her body and the touch of her skin, wherever he could push the tunica out of the way. "I'll take them over your friends any time."

"But I'll do my best to get to get to know your new friends without too much judgement. And I'd visit you at the barracks and make all your men jealous. And in the evenings I'd write songs to sing just to you." 

He smiled. He liked the idea of that, all of that.

"You'd get used to the smell of smoke. And we could take a hot bath together whenever we wanted. Win win." he noted "My friends would grow to like you. And you would get free range of fancying up the household. And I'd make you pastries for feast days."

@Sara